Screams boring...
danielsemel said:
'A comedy about two friends struggling with failure, and boredom, as they medicate themselves with pot and other drugs.
Judging from the above sentence, what do you think the project is about and is it something you'd be interested in watching.
thanks!
No offense... It screams BORING to me. I picture somebody with a camcorder following a couple of people around who get stoned all the time.
It's really important that you put the STORY in your logline... What you have above might in fact BE the story but to be honest, it just doesn't sound like much of a story at this point. Assuming you have a funny comedy, give us the comedic story event in your logline...
If all you've done is show the obstacles that supposedly stand in your two friends way as they attempt to accomplish something, then you don't have much of a story... Find the ONE thing they MUST ACCOMPLISH and show us the obtstacles and how they eventually overcome them i.e., growth. They don't necessarily have to stop smoking pot. They could come up with a comedic way to be able to keep smoking pot but overcome the obstacles that are standing in their way to success...
A good logline should contain enough IRONY in that one sentence to make us sit up and take notice. The irony in your story is kind of like your "hook." It's what pulls us in... It's what makes us want to watch. From the logline above, maybe those of us really interested in people getting stoned would be interested in watching your film but I'm thinking in more general terms and my guess is that most people are NOT going to be interested...
In your example... There's no irony at all. We would expect two friends who get stoned all the time to be losers... The real irony here would be the UNEXPECTED. Take what we are totally expecting with these two friends and stand it on its ear. Don't give us what we expect...
That's boring.
I can't tell if you've already made this film... Even if you have, try to follow a few simple guidelines when creating your logline and it will improve a thousand percent...
1) Tell us the irony
2) Tell us what kind of people it's about i.e., failing teenage friends, the secret sauce guys at Jack-In-The-Box, etc. Use the appropriate adjective(s) to explain WHO these two friends are. Very important.
3) If you do have an antagonist or even if the SYSTEM itself is the bad guy, again, come up with a descriptive adjective that NAILS it. We want to know what kind of bad guy or system these two friends overcome. The better you describe it (with a word or two), the more we will be intrigued.
4) The two friends should have some compelling, seemingly insurmountable goal that they must achieve. Tell us what that is. If it's just to get by day by day, that's not too compelling UNLESS you tell us that these two friends are so handicapped that getting by day by day would in fact, become compelling... i.e., two pothead friends in wheelchairs... Something like that.
Find the above elements in your story and create your logline around them... If you have yet to actually make the film, I highly recommend honing your logline until it's PERFECT. Then take that logline and write your story using the perfect logline as your compass.
Good luck with it...
filmy