Recent content by jrsmithson

Hi Filman, thanks for the tip. What is the reason you would want the first bit of dialogue cut?

Thanks for the comments Quality. Good catches, I’ll look into your edits. I know it’s bad form to give cinematography commands, but as I will be directing my own scripts it’s just an easy way to remember my thought process. Maybe storyboarding would be a better forum for the visual stuff.

Hello writers, it's been an eternity since I last posted a script on this site. I've been studying "Story" by McKee and tried to apply some of his ideas. Any criticism would be appreciated. I hope it's a fun read. It is 6 pages, approx. 3 minute read (2 short scenes) http://docdro.id/DVUj5V3

I'm not sure what's going on exactly, but I like the cinematography and underwater shots. Seems really deep, but I couldn't follow the dialogue and watch at the same time- I never did that well in poetry class alas. I'm curious to see what you come up with next.

Hmm very mysterious at the moment. Maybe it wil garner more interest if you show some of the story/ interesting sound bytes.

Wow, that's a nice little tale- great job on the FX/snow, it was worth the hard work. It's nice to see a short film with a positive message.

You did an impressive job on the sound- it seemed a little loud, like she was walking on eggshells- yet it really sucks you into the world, I forgot about my surroundings while watching it. So what exactly is it about, aside from the fact that it's a cycle? It's hard for me to tell, watching it...

I don't have anything to add, the others put it well, I just wanted to say I enjoyed it. Please get good actors!

The first thing I noticed was that scene on the porch, can't remember what they were talking about because they said so much, but the shots were weird, the guy was facing right, but when the woman responded she was facing right as well; shooting her from her right side would be less confusing...

Great depiction of fighting, it comes across as realistic though the sped up aspect is jarring. I was wanting it to be more like Bourne, more Krav or other defense martial art. Some interesting unique fighting techniques would be cool. I second the story comment, no inciting incident or...

Nice shots, not Lord of the Rings, but it gets the point across. The whole time I was waiting for an inciting incident, a story, anything. I was expecting him to meet another survivor, and considering the premise that seems like the only logical move. The good news is this is a good start, and...

I liked how you transitioned to action abruptly after the hospital scene. I'll be interested to see how the two worlds connect. Not to mention you left it on a cliffhanger :)

Hey Edoardo , I really liked it. The acting was suspenseful, and the camera work was adequate. Lighting was strong too, moody when it needed to be moody, and bright when necessary. It felt a little cramped, which I know you were going for, but I am eager to see what happens when you go out into...

I think both were really good. The cinematography is tight, the acting was good, and the music and sound effects were in all the right places. The only thing that threw me off was the after effects blood splatter in the first film- but i guess it is hard to get around that, you can't get...

Hmmm. How about: Town vixen Daisy tries to heist old man Strider's hot rod while he is in the shower, but she didn't anticipate that ... he has TELEKINESIS.. :yes: