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watch Love, Frankie | Short Film

Much, much, much better than your past films. Let me get that out of the way. But again, room for improvement.

I liked the style you created with this one. It was much more human, and less artificial/processed/over-stylized. The setting is very nice as well. I like the concept too. The music is fitting too. And congrats on getting other people in your production. This and Oyster :)

Now onto what I did not like...

The opening was a bit drawn out. We're already 1 minute into our 6 minute short, and there's a title? Either cut out the titles all-together, or put a Written and Directed By + Title at the beginning.

Writing... oh man. The exposition is killing me. All of Frankie's lines are exposition. It's just explaining, and explaining, and explaining. It's painful for me, and it makes the reserved area of my heart where filmmaking lives cry. Find ways to show these ideas and situations visually, or even - include dialogue, but make it more subtle.

For example, let's say we have a scene where an old man's wife has just died and his friend is trying to comfort him. Let's take a look.

Script #1: (very good)

EXT. BUS-STOP - DAY

Larry and Ben sit on a bench in the middle of a cold and bleak winter day. Larry stares into the distance, with a cold and numb look in his eye.

BEN: Poor weather, isn't it?

LARRY: I suppose so.

The two sit in silence. The sound of the bus slowly becomes more clear and close. Ben stands up, and the bus arrives. The doors open, and he begins to get on. Larry continues to stare into the distance.

BEN: Larry?

LARRY: Yes?

BEN: You take care of yourself, alright?

LARRY: Okay.

BEN: You'll get over it in no time.

LARRY: Thanks Ben. See you Thursday.

Ben walks on, and the bus drives away. Larry watches a crow a few peak at crumbs a few feet away from him. A tear runs down his face.

Script #2 (not good)

EXT. BUS-STOP - DAY

Larry and Ben sit on a bench in the middle of a cold and bleak winter day. Larry stares into the distance, with a cold and numb look in his eye.

BEN: Hey... Larry.. I'm so sorry about how your wife got that horrible cancer tumor, and suffered so much. Oh, and I really feel bad for you about the fact that you had to sit by her and watch her suffer in sadness. It really makes me sad, and I'd like to let you know that I'm here and that it'll be cool. Oh, the bus is here. I'm going to go home now. Bye!

Ben stands up, and gets on the bus.

Yes, the formatting is incorrect. But you get the point...

----

Now obviously, the first scene may be longer, but it's far better paced and more emotional. The characters are interesting, and there's depth. Not just monotone explaining. Ok... let me use an actual movie.

Have you seen Jaws? If not, go watch it. Anyway... when Jaws comes up and eats the chum, Brody becomes frightened by the large shark. He goes up to Quint, and tells him "We're going to need a bigger boat". It's one of the most recognizable movie lines ever.

What if he had gone on for a few minutes on what he felt when he saw the shark, and explained the situation?

tumblr_lu7j57tFwG1qjgyuwo1_500.gif


AUDIENCES DO NOT WANT TO BE READ STORIES, THEY WANT TO EXPERIENCE THEM!!!!
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE AUDIO BOOKS!
SHOW DON'T TELL!!!

Moving onto the acting.

The male character is somewhat weak and underdeveloped. He seems to be more of an object than an actual human. He doesn't really show much emotion or thought. He just... well... spouts exposition in a monotone matter. The female actress didn't do too bad, although pronunciation and emoting needs a bit of work. If the audio or if her vocal performance was more clear or defined, the quality of the film could have been significantly better. Also - don't they seem somewhat old for the roles they are playing? If this 20 something year old woman (I think) is being abused by her father, then why doesn't she move in with her friend? Or call the cops on him? She seems to be ambitious in her attempts to get away from her father. Although that's more the writing/casting.

It's a strong concept. But it's underdeveloped.

I wish you would have gone further with this. It didn't really go anywhere. There wasn't much of a struggle, or problem that the character encounter. It was more of a slice of life kinda film. Not that I have anything wrong with that, but it didn't seem to have the style or pacing that many films of that genre have - raw and gritty/realistic.

Camera work is a step up, but not there yet.

There are some great shots, but awkwardly framed ones as well. Mostly with the dialogue shots. Ever heard of "The Last Airbender"? People hate it. One of the more minor reasons is because of some of the awkwardly framed shots. There are some scenes when the camera is uncomfortably close to the characters. Take a few steps back, and learn the basics of headroom, framing, and the 180 degree rule. Some of those shots made me feel just...

30RockAngerGif.gif


Some links for ya to check out:

http://www.animatedbuzz.com/tutorials/camerangles.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYPrtXZ7HVE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myxiMMa2u_g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhbZRc2tntg

Some shots seem under/over exposed as well. In some scenes, parts of the character's faces cannot be made out. That is a problem. The snow in some shots is over exposed, which screams amateurish. Shaky sometimes too. And use a tripod. Don't try to cover that up with a FCPX effect.

overexposed-and-underexposed.jpg


The audio is better, but flawed.

While audio is improved from last shorts, the audio still lacks clarity and there are some abrupt changes in background noise, as well as dialogue volume. Keep improving.

http://www.mediacollege.com/audio/film-video/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEq5T8fJarM

The color correction/grading needs some work as well.

The teal and orange effect is over the top, and sometimes it results in the shots being unbalanced in brightness. Tone it down, or don't use presets and rather grade from scratch. Check out this site for great tutorials, articles, and projects.

http://www.colorgradingcentral.com
Oh, and this: https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=color+grading+dan+allen&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
This too: http://documentation.apple.com/en/color/usermanual/index.html#chapter=1&section=4&tasks=true

Ok, I just tore it apart. But I'd like to tell you that this is a huge step up in quality for you, and that you show a lot of potential. It's incredibly well done in some parts, and you're developing a style. With each short you are getting better and better. Keep making stuff.
 
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These are the things I liked about Love, Frankie:

1) This short benefits from having more of a story and I think that's because having two characters bouncing off one another is a good thing - in Oyster this happened and was one of the strengths of that short. You've brought it a step up in this one.

2) The setting of the cold and snow fits well with the bleakness of a friend leaving your life and not knowing when you will see them again.

3) When Breslin kisses Frankie. I liked it because it was an impulsive but very human act on Breslin's part, putting himself out there in that way, and the he kiss was a visual indication of how he felt towards Frankie.

These are the things that need improvement/taken into consideration for future shorts:

1) I agree with ChimpPhobiaFilms on the dialogue. A lot of it is bloated exposition or is unnecessary because a visual would be more suited to convey the point. If you look at what I liked about the kiss it was all that was needed and having Breslin explain to Frankie why he kissed her wasn't necessary because it was already conveyed visually.

2) The jarring nature of the cuts due to camera placement when Breslin and Frankie are speaking at the beginning.

3) Some parts of the film's pacing need to be addressed and that's mostly because of scenes where unnecessary or bloated dialogue is spoken - tightening these up will make the pacing seem more even.

Overall Love, Frankie is a short that needs some work but what is good about it is an improvement on your previous shorts and the fact that you're getting better and better is a great thing.
 
I appreciate that chimp and phantom..you guys always give useful advice..what sucks is all my shorts are shot with my smartphone and no external mic..im getting one this week though so hopefully that fixes the audio..what you guys said about the dialogue in going to note because I don't want to lose my audience..in time I hope to make a great film you all will enjoy
 
It's good that you're taking the constructive criticism the right way and not becoming offended it's a good strength to have.

I think it's important for fellow filmmakers to mention the good and the bad so that we can all learn and grow because if it's all just praises or all just criticism there's no balance and it's not productive.

Keep going :)
 
The first thing I noticed was that scene on the porch, can't remember what they were talking about because they said so much, but the shots were weird, the guy was facing right, but when the woman responded she was facing right as well; shooting her from her right side would be less confusing for me, or at least less disorienting. A lot of the dialogue sounded like it was being read from a script, the girl was more guilty of this than the guy, but I noticed it for both. A LOT of the dialogue was odd, it was meaningful but not realistic enough, especially that last line the girl says, which considering its the climax, should have had more oomph. I liked the male's acting, it came out more naturally. I liked the part when the girl was startled by the cold swing seat; like the way they talked about the swings, it involved the environment in an interactive way. Keep up the good work.
 
The VO at the beginning was too much... perhaps just some CUs of important pieces of the letter with cuts to the reader's reaction. The nail in the coffin for me where I stopped watching was when you broke the 180 rule on the porch.

There is one thing that a filmmaker has 100% control of, no matter what they shoot on, and that is framing.

If there is one thing every filmmaker should watch it is this:

http://dvd.netflix.com/Search?v1=Th...sn=1&ac_category_type=movie&raw_query=film+od
 
Haven't seen previous versions,but here are few thoughts in non chronological order:

use manual focus. Constant focus breathing is irritating
180 rule - try to stay on one side,google,read,practise.
Wide angle really close distorts people faces. Profile shots flatten image,so try to film objects from 3/4 or such,unless profile/flat image is intended. Beware of wide angle distortion.
Autofocus is bad. Hand held is fine in some spots,but use a tripod when u just need a static shot.

1:43 - Person is looking to the right and you place him on the right edge,that leaves no room for him and creates an unbalanced framing. Person looks right - put him on the LEFT side of the frame. Person looks up,put him on the bottom of the frame. Leave space between him and where he is looking. Same can be applied to motion. Bike rides from left to right,keep it more to the left of the frame,so he has space in front of direction of movement.


Now in terms of editing - Opening shot fine ( could use a tripod). Scrape the second shot,even though it is cool angle,but it is absolutely unnecessary ( must use tripod or just piece of wodd w.e shake is annoying as hell). 3rd shot paper is overexposed,so you can't see it + the framing is bad,actor is flat and trapped in frame,clearly uncomfortable ( use 3/4 or more dimensional one).

POV - keeping it static so people can read the words might be an option. Once you show his POV no need to cut to his hand. Once CU of "Love frankie" cutting to OTS doesn't make any sense. A reaction shot is much better,but I guess you didn't film it?

In general try to think not in shots ( or camera angles) but sequences of shots. In the end your aim is to tell a story. Convey info. I don't know what the story is about,but my gut feeling tells me that starting with a super wide shot from behind,where actor on a bench is small compared to wide open space,might tell his loneliness/sadness better ( I don't know if that fits the story or not,but u know what I mean). When you aim camera ask yourself why are you doing it. Why did you put it under the bench? Because it is cool angle? But what does it tell? What extra info? What story? If there was i.e his wallet there,that angle would make sense,he drops wallet,doesn't notice it walks away. Otherwise it feels random and confusing atleast to me,but I am a traditionalist.

Don't we afraid of wide shots. Imagine your film is watched in the cinema,not on computer screen/Iphone. When there are constant CU story suffocates. It is very intruding. Check out David Fincher's commentary on that.
 
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