'A comedy about two friends struggling with failure, and boredom, as they medicate themselves with pot and other drugs.'


Judging from the above sentence, what do you think the project is about and is it something you'd be interested in watching.


thanks!

:welcome:

'A comedy about two friends struggling with failure, and boredom, as they medicate themselves with pot and other drugs.


Seems a bit generic and general to me. I'm not sure what it would be about.

struggling, failure, boredom, medicate.... not words that necessarily scream comedy to me - but I'm just one person and probably older than your target audience :yes:

I hope that helps.

The potential for comedy is there, but I have seen this type of movie before so it is not entirely original. The comedy writing would need to be sharp in order to make this type of storyline stand out. Have you thought about a challenge or purpose to drive the movie? Harold and Kumar went to White Castle. The Dudes looked for the missing car. Jay and Silent Bob went to stop their story from being made into a movie. What are these guys doing other than sitting around self-medicating? If nothing, then it might work as a short (5 - 10 minutes).

'A comedy about two friends struggling with failure, and boredom, as they medicate themselves with pot and other drugs.


Judging from the above sentence, what do you think the project is about and is it something you'd be interested in watching.


thanks!No offense... It screams BORING to me. I picture somebody with a camcorder following a couple of people around who get stoned all the time.

It's really important that you put the STORY in your logline... What you have above might in fact BE the story but to be honest, it just doesn't sound like much of a story at this point. Assuming you have a funny comedy, give us the comedic story event in your logline...

If all you've done is show the obstacles that supposedly stand in your two friends way as they attempt to accomplish something, then you don't have much of a story... Find the ONE thing they MUST ACCOMPLISH and show us the obtstacles and how they eventually overcome them i.e., growth. They don't necessarily have to stop smoking pot. They could come up with a comedic way to be able to keep smoking pot but overcome the obstacles that are standing in their way to success...

A good logline should contain enough IRONY in that one sentence to make us sit up and take notice. The irony in your story is kind of like your "hook." It's what pulls us in... It's what makes us want to watch. From the logline above, maybe those of us really interested in people getting stoned would be interested in watching your film but I'm thinking in more general terms and my guess is that most people are NOT going to be interested...

In your example... There's no irony at all. We would expect two friends who get stoned all the time to be losers... The real irony here would be the UNEXPECTED. Take what we are totally expecting with these two friends and stand it on its ear. Don't give us what we expect...

That's boring.

I can't tell if you've already made this film... Even if you have, try to follow a few simple guidelines when creating your logline and it will improve a thousand percent...

1) Tell us the irony

2) Tell us what kind of people it's about i.e., failing teenage friends, the secret sauce guys at Jack-In-The-Box, etc. Use the appropriate adjective(s) to explain WHO these two friends are. Very important.

3) If you do have an antagonist or even if the SYSTEM itself is the bad guy, again, come up with a descriptive adjective that NAILS it. We want to know what kind of bad guy or system these two friends overcome. The better you describe it (with a word or two), the more we will be intrigued.

4) The two friends should have some compelling, seemingly insurmountable goal that they must achieve. Tell us what that is. If it's just to get by day by day, that's not too compelling UNLESS you tell us that these two friends are so handicapped that getting by day by day would in fact, become compelling... i.e., two pothead friends in wheelchairs... Something like that.

Find the above elements in your story and create your logline around them... If you have yet to actually make the film, I highly recommend honing your logline until it's PERFECT. Then take that logline and write your story using the perfect logline as your compass.

Good luck with it...

filmy

No offense... It screams BORING to me. I picture somebody with a camcorder following a couple of people around who get stoned all the time.

My exact thoughts!:yes:

Ah -- one of the great truths about any kind of drug use is that although it seems funny as hell to participate at the time -- it's tedious as hell to watch.

Trust me -- I've sat both sides of the fence.

However, don't let that put you off.

If you really want to make a movie about how difficult it is to struggle with failure and boredom it will probably be worth your while renting "Ghostworld" and "Clerks"

http://Ghost World official site (http://www.ghostworld-the-movie.com/ie/)

That way you can see how people tackled the subject well.

If it's the drug angle you're more interested in -- well

Drug Store Cowboy, Train Spotting or Nil By Mouth

are the high points (pun intended)

and if you want to get into funny dope movies -- Well Cheech and Chong beat you to the punch by thirty years.

Hey guys and Filmjumper,

Actually this is a feature length film I've already made. I'm still in post on it and I'm going to start trying this year to get it distributed. I appreciate the feedback and I'm going back to the drawing board on this. The hard part is getting those crucial details into one sentence.

Well, congratulations on getting this far with your production.

You're going about this ass about backwards, but as that's the reality of the situation let's see if we can help.

The think the reason you're having problems creating a logline is because you're confusing it with the answer that you habitually give when people ask you "So, what's your film about" to which you've been answering "Well, it's a comedy about two friends struggling with failure, and boredom, as they medicate themselves with pot and other drugs"

Where as a logine is your sales pitch for the film and needs to be a summation of the story.

So, for example -

"When Harry and Dick drop out of college they expect the world to fall in their laps, but as each new day brings yet more failures they turn to to drugs as the only way to make it through the tedium of their small town lives -- constantly stoned they attempt to make their mark in a world which demands success when all they have to offer is failure."

That kind of papers over the cracks -- and the last phrase is a quote from "The Producers" LOL

Clive, the quote you provided that great! If you all notice, the word "THAT" is not in there at all.
Any statement could and should have the word "THAT" removed. It's more professional, which is what we're going for right?

I know that ECC has the facilities for this project.

I know ECC has the facilities for this project.

Remove "THAT" and it flows better. You don't stop in the middle of it.

Clive, the quote you provided that great!

Thanks for that -- my real fear, however, is because this kind of focussing wasn't done before the script was written, no matter how good the logline, the film itself probably lacks structure and a story of any kind.

Like I said -- feels like trying to paper over the cracks -- hope I'm wrong -- which I often am ;)

When people think a high concept logline is JUST about selling, they miss the point -- the high concept logline is like a compass for the story -- it stops it wandering off at tangents -- without that focus, you just know that the script is going to be all over the place.

Thanks for that --

You mean, thanks for.

:lol:

LOL! Better yet, Indie... "Thanks".

Ta!

It's more like this:

"the high concept logline is like a compass for the story -- it stops it wandering off at tangents -- without that focus, you just know that the script is going to be all over the place."

Should be:

the high concept logline is like a compass for the story -- it stops it wandering off at tangents -- without focus, you just know the script is going to be all over the place.


Do you see what I mean?

It's more like this:

"the high concept logline is like a compass for the story -- it stops it wandering off at tangents -- without that focus, you just know that the script is going to be all over the place."

Should be:

the high concept logline is like a compass for the story -- it stops it wandering off at tangents -- without focus, you just know the script is going to be all over the place.


Do you see what I mean?

Yeap and your general point is spot on -- "that" is a word which I often elimimate from sentences for just that reason.

However, in the example you used above, the "that" in the phrase "without that focus" is the stressor and essential to the meaning of the sentence -- in basic terms the removal of "that' changes the meaning of the word focus from "the act of drawing ideas into clarity" which is what I meant, to "concentrating" which I didn't.

Which takes nothing from your original point, which was a good one. ;)

Okay guys, I've tried to get to the heart of the story. Here's a new rough draft.


'An aimless college graduate spends his last day in town, with two friends from high school, before moving to another state to join the family business. They while away the time getting high, dreaming of adventure and escape.'

'An aimless college graduate spends his last day in town, with two friends from high school, before moving to another state to join the family business. They while away the time getting high, dreaming of adventure and escape.'

A logline traditionally explains the journey of the protagonist.

At the moment your film is -- "A guy gets stoned with his mates and they talk about stuff"

Even if that is the case, you should at least try to explain the protagonist's emotional journey.

So

"An aimless college graduate spends his last day in town with his two best friends from high school, getting high and dreaming adventure and escape and in the process -- (discovers/realises/finds that ...... whatever it it is his journey is about)

Hey Filmjumper,

A little cleaned up version.

'An aimless college graduate spends his last day in town with two high school friends before leaving to join the family business. They while away the time getting high, dreaming of adventure and escape.'

Hey Filmjumper,

A little cleaned up version.

'An aimless college graduate spends his last day in town with two high school friends before leaving to join the family business. They while away the time getting high, dreaming of adventure and escape.'


What does, "while away" mean?

How do you "while away"?

I've never heard of it before.:huh:

"while away" is a bastardization of the phrase "whittle away" it means to pass time.

'An aimless college graduate spends his last day in town with two high school friends before leaving to join the family business. They while away the time getting high, dreaming of adventure and escape.'

You're problem isn't your logline -- your feature has no plot.

It's not possible to write a powerful logline for a film that has no story and in which nothing happens.

True, dreaming of adventures and having adventures are two different things.

Would you go to a movie if all you saw were 3 guys sitting on a couch, smoking pot, talking about adventures, for 2 hours!? It SCREAMS boring.

what is the film about? What are the three main things which happen in this story?

A film can't be all things to all people I guess. You guys should remember you're bashing a film you haven't seen, and there are lots of movies where "stuff happens" and it can still be pretty boring.

Here's an example. I took it off the dvd box.
Logline from American Graffiti - 'The coming of age of four teenagers on their last summer night before college."

See how simple it is? Not every film is some "writing by numbers" thriller. Different strokes for different folks.

I think they are merely going by the loglines and descriptions you've been providing. These so far haven't touched on plot, just circumstance. Coming of age is an action, moving from immaturity to maturity. Clive and Cootdog are looking for what the movie is about.

A logline will be people's first impression of your movie. If they don't find a compelling reason to watch your film, you won't get your money/exposure/criticism, whatever you are looking to get from this film. What they are searching for from you is other than the fact they are talking, what journey do your characters go through. What changes are made within them this night.

Why do I want to see your movie...motivate me to watch it, to want to watch it. What is different about these friends talking while under the influence? What major revelations do they come to this particular night?

The critiques so far are legitimate, they don't need to see the movie yet and have obviously formed opinions of it based on the loglines presented. Present them one that will change their mind. What would compel these two critiques to give your movie a try after already having seen Clerks (which is primarily 2 people talking for a whole movie)?

back to the drawing board.

daniel,

Remember, no one is bashing you here. They are truly trying to help. You want help with a logline that will inspire people toward your film. There are few people better to look to here than Clive. He may sound a bit tough to you, but it's tough love. Keep at it and good luck. :)

I saw the one that came through the e-mail, I thought that showed lots of promise and sounded interesting. I would give that movie a chance.

I agree, Clive is the Guru. I'm not trying to bash you at all. I'm simply stating that from the logline, I wouldn't want to see it. If there's a journey, tell about it. What is so special about that one night? Does pot have to be mentioned? What is your targeted audience?

Here are some pot movie splashes:

"Two twenty-something stoner roommates -- one a Korean American investment banker; the other an Indian American medical school candidate -- go through a life changing journey, as they spend a night roaming the state of New Jersey in search of White Castle hamburgers."

"It's the last day of school at a high school in a small town in Texas in 1976. The upperclassmen are hazing the incoming freshmen, and everyone is trying to get stoned, drunk, or laid, even the football players that signed a pledge not to."

"Warning: this movie may cause the munchies, cotton mouth, and memory loss!"

"A comedy that goes to your head."

"Millionaires today. Fugitives tomorrow. Buds forever!"

"After a night they can't remember, comes a day they'll never forget."

"A Comedy about the moments that touch us in ways we've never been touched before."

No one's bashing your film, because like you say we haven't seen it.

What's being said is, based on the information you've given us, is our impression of the film, is it seems uninteresting and tedious.

This is important feedback, because producer's reps, distributors and ulitimately the audience will make judgements just like this -- but with them you don't the chance to come back with a better answer.

When I say the logline needs to describe what happens, you'd be wrong in assuming that I mean a car chash or a gun fight.

What I mean is... What is the character's journey?

If there is no journey, if the film is exactly as you've described it -- then you'll need to work out what the hook is.

The bottom line is you have to give the audience a reason to want to watch the film

As you can see "Three guys get stoned and talk about stuff" isn't going to cut it.

Unless those three guys are Jack Nicholson, Bob DeNiro and Dennis Hopper.

Oh, and the idea that structure = formula and can only be used to turn out thrillers is just plain wrong. Every great film has structure -- and I'm talking about films where nothing much "happens."

So for instance my favorite film is Stalker by Tarkovsky -- which is a three hour Russian film about three men who break into a "forbidden zone" to find an object that is supposed to grant one's hearts desire.

Now, they never get there -- none of the supposed dangers ever manifest -- and they spend the entire three hours talking about art, philosophy and religion.

But, my point is the film could have been described as "Three men wander through grass talking about philosophy, art and religion for three hours."

But actually the characters had an objective -- to find the object -- and they undertook a journey.

I hope this helps.

Daniel: I still think you should consider reposting the log you had in the "Back to the Drawing board post". I thought that was a good second draft of your log line and demonstrated your characters' motivations. If you've lost track of it, I do still have the email notification with that line in it, I'll be happy to repost it for you.

That's very nice. Actually I've lost that earlier synopsis as I only typed it here and didn't think it was very good.

Here's a new rough "rough draft", trying to put some new ideas in the mix.

'An aimless college graduate, being pressured to join the family business, spends his last day in town with two high school friends as he waits for a phone call from a comic book company he hopes will hire him and put him on the path to his creative goals. They spend the day getting high, dreaming of adventure and escape as they come to terms with growing up.'


Didn't mean to sound too defensive earlier, I can take criticism. Go ahead, rip me apart. That's why I'm here, is to get to the truth. I don't really like the last part 'come to terms with growing up,' that's what they are doing in the film but I'm trying to find a less ham handed way of saying it. Also, part of the premise is that if he doesn't get this job he's waiting for, then he will have no choice but to move to another state to work for his family.

I've PM'd you the old one, I think the old one is more concise than this. It gives enough to pique the curiosity, but spends less words doing so. The folks you will be ryiing to sell this to read alot every day, every word counts. If you make their job easier, you have a better chance. These points can be commented on by the rest of the folks here.

Perhaps along the lines of:

freddy jones, an aimless graduate spends his last day in town with his friends before he either follows his dreams or ends up in the family business, which he dreads.

is he seeking something on this last night? approval, impetus, comfort?

Ah, I see what's going on now ... so if I've got this right the film is roughly this.

A guy, fresh from college, spends his last day before having to take a mind numbiing job in a furniture factory, waiting for a phone call from a comic book company to offer him the job he really wants... to kill time he spends the day getting stoned with his high school friends and finds himself caught between his dreams and the reality of growing up to be just another guy working for the man.


That's not the logline, but is that roughly what the film is about?

If it is I think the logline needs to be about the conflict between reality and fantasy -- I'll think about it.

Maybe something like

Genre - Comic "coming of age"

"All Ben's ever wanted is to be a comic book artist and today's the day he'll hear if he got the big break, unfortuantely, it's also his last day of freedom before he's forced to start work in his Father's furniture factory. Caught between his life long dream and a mundane reality Ben spends this last day getting stoned with this his high school buddies who are also torn between thier fantasies of escape and the reality of growing up."

That's very nice. Actually I've lost that earlier synopsis as I only typed it here and didn't think it was very good.

Here's a new rough "rough draft", trying to put some new ideas in the mix.

'An aimless college graduate, being pressured to join the family business, spends his last day in town with two high school friends as he waits for a phone call from a comic book company he hopes will hire him and put him on the path to his creative goals. They spend the day getting high, dreaming of adventure and escape as they come to terms with growing up.'


Didn't mean to sound too defensive earlier, I can take criticism. Go ahead, rip me apart. That's why I'm here, is to get to the truth. I don't really like the last part 'come to terms with growing up,' that's what they are doing in the film but I'm trying to find a less ham handed way of saying it. Also, part of the premise is that if he doesn't get this job he's waiting for, then he will have no choice but to move to another state to work for his family.One thing is for sure... The logline is a lot better than the one you first posted but you're not telling us WHAT HAPPENS.
Apparently, the goal is for the aimless college graduate to get this job with the comic book company. Cool. Does he get it? You don't say... Does he NOT get it? You don't say. From what I am reading, it looks as though YOU DO NOT TELL US whether or not the aimless college graduate gets the job. That intimates to me that his character arc might be the following...

As he spends this time with his friends he realizes that his life does NOT rest on whether or not he gets this job. If he does realize this then that's your story... He's waiting and waiting and stressing out on this friggin' job but as he spends more time with his friends, he realizes that the job is really not that important after all... That friends are much more important.

Only problem here is that I am totally guessing from what you've written... Maybe he does care. Maybe he's neurotic. LOL.

Even if he has to move to another state and work for his family, maybe by the end of the movie, that's also not a big deal because in this short time with his friends, he's realized that life isn't about what job you end up doing.

Again, stabbing in the dark here...

Here's what I'm coming up with...

"When an aimless college graduate desperately waits for a phone call about a job, he runs into two old high school buddies and through spending the day with them, he learns that his life won't be over if he doesn't get the job after all."

That's just off the top of my head based on what you have here... What I think is missing is what this aimless college graduate DISCOVERS after he learns his life isn't over if he doesn't get the job... Meaning, I just don't know enough about the story to really help out more with the logline...

Feel free to tell what the college grad learns from spending the day with the two buddies... Does he learn anything? What happens at the end?

filmy

Filmy's right -- that's the element I was looking for

So it would be

"All Ben's ever wanted is to be a comic book artist and today's the day he'll hear if he got the big break, unfortuantely, it's also his last day of freedom before he's forced to start work in his Father's furniture factory. Caught between his life long dream and a mundane reality Ben spends this last day getting stoned with this his high school buddies who are also torn between thier fantasies of escape and the reality of growing up... and discovers having friends is more important than success. .... or ?

Actually I can cut this down

Caught between his life long dream of being a comic book artist and the mundane reality of working in his father's furniture factory, Ben spends his last day of freedom getting stoned with this his high school buddies, who are also torn between thier fantasies of escape and the reality of growing up... and discovers in the course of one hectic summer day that friends are more important than success. .... or ?

There's not much more for me to add to what the Guru's have already said. However, your scentence quite long, too long, way too long. One scentence going past three lines is too long.

shorter:

Caught between his life long dream of being a comic book artist and the mundane reality of working in his father's furniture factory, Ben discovers in the course of one hectic summer day that friends are more important than success.

Well, I'm trying to get this down to one concise sentence, and the film is not about finding out friends are more important than success which sounds kind of trite. Also, in response to Filmjumper, yeah I don't tell you what happens because it's just a one sentence description of the film. I'm not trying to explain all three acts.


Here's the logline that got deleted a while back.

'An aimless college graduate spends his last day in town with two high school friends before leaving to join the family business. They while away the time getting high, dreaming of adventure and escape, coming to terms with letting go of childhood dreams.'

Another version.

'An aimless college graduate spends his last day in town with two high school friends before leaving to join the family business. Trying to cope with the harsh realities of the adult world they while away the time getting high, dreaming of adventure and escape.'

Oops. posted twice.

An aimless graduate spends his last day in town, before leaving to join the family business, dreaming of adventure while coming to terms with the harsh realities of the adult world he knows so little about.

I like that knightly!

Jump in anytime guys...I'm just whittling down the thing to the single viewpoint, single sentence meat of it.

'An aimless college graduate spends his last day in town with two high school friends, before leaving to join the family business, retreating from the harsh realities of the adult world dreaming of adventure and escape.'

the film is not about finding out friends are more important than success which sounds kind of trite.

That's an example intended to help you see where your logline was lacking, rather than a suggestion -- so calling it trite is just incredibly bad manners. :no:

The bottom line is this -- you're trying to force a high concept logline onto a film that isn't high concept and to be perfectly honest this is work that you should have done before writing the script, let alone before undertaking principle photography. The reason you can't get the film into one line is fundametally because your film HAS NO PLOT! --- Let me repeat this -- your film has NO PLOT, NO STORY, NO CHARACTER ARC, NO CONFLICT or any of the other things that most people consider pretty important to a piece of drama. Now that may make you a great artist and above all us mere mortals who turn out "trite, formula" movies, but it doesn't make for a gripping logline.

So instead of trying to do the impossible, why don't you just work out what it is about the film that would persuade someone to spend 90 minutes and $5 to watch it.

So far you've convinced no one. :yes:

I'm done here.

maybe change harsh realities to responsibilities?

Is it possible to either see the movie or get a copy somehow? So we can focus this better. Loglines tend to be for selling movies. Most indie fare on the lower end is about learning visual story telling. When you made the story to begin with were sales one of your priorities? Or was it just a story in your head you felt like getting out? Or possibly just a "I want to make a movie" impulse. All of which are valid, but have much different audiences/expectations for them at the outset.

This is a project, not a finished film. Perhaps there's room for story development so the answer to the question would easily be answered.

What is your film about?

Actually this is a feature length film I've already made. I'm still in post on it and I'm going to start trying this year to get it distributed.

How far into post are you out of curiosity?

Oh.. ooops! lol I must have forgotten about that one.

I know as a beginning filmmaker, I write the story and make the film. But there's a lot more to it than that. I've written scripts before, they worked, but there's always a better way to write.

One of the first things to answer is: "What is this film about?" If you can answer in a short sentence or two, then you've got a good grasp of things. However, if you personally don't know, then there's a problem. If you don't know what the film is about, and you wrote the script, then how is anyone else supposed to know what it's about.

There are people here who are trying to help you make the best out of your promotional/marketing/etc. seeking as possible. Let us help you.

Knightly seems willing to check out what you have and help you come up with a logline.

To tell you the truth, I've never done one. I've also never packaged any of my films for anything other than the internet. With that said, if I was having problems I would first of all come here, and most definitely take the advise and all the help I could get.

"Retreating from the realities of the future, three high school friends turn to drugs dreaming of adventure and escape on one of their last days in town, before leaving to join the family business. "

whatchu all think?

"Retreating from the realities of the future,



Sounds like he can tell the future.

Maybe he can! But you'd have to watch it to find out.

He does know the future. He's going to be working for the family biz.

I think an avoidance of the drug/stoned angle will make the movie easier to sell. The getting high then becomes something that happens rather than the whole oint of the story. Unless it is something of a morality play, or you want to target a specific audience (limiting your potential sales).

True, I believe I said that myself in an earlier post... lol

"Jim is back in his home town from colledge. He and two high school friends spend their last night together dreaming of adventure and escape before he's supposed to leave and join the family business. "

First of all, I would like to say that I really appreciate the help I've gotten here and I already feel my logline has improved dramatically as a result. I would like to say THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

on my most recent update of the logline.

'An aimless college graduate spends his last day in town with two high school friends, before leaving to join the family business, retreating from the harsh realities of the adult world dreaming of adventure and escape.'

I left out any mention of drugs because I guess I was giving people the impression that it's like that 'White Castle' movie. I'm fine with abandoning the stoned/drug angle. The above sentence definitely needs to be tightened up. I going to take some more stabs at it in a bit.

Here's where I am at with the film. I have a 87 minute cut with mixed sound and a finished film score, but parts of the film really are not working. I'm going to spend the summer re-cutting the film. This is my first film and I actually spent time thinking it out but I've never sold anything or marketed anything before. I've been working on this for 2 years so it's hard to sum up in a sentence. I'm also sick of it and at times can't stand thinking about it because I just want to move on, but there is SO much more work ahead of me.

This is a rough synopsis of the film that a friend wrote, but I really don't like it but it provides some info. I think it sounds cheesy.

'Early on a Sunday morning, Johnny pounds on the front door of his friends, Sid and Natalie. He’s frantic: “I need to use your phone!” It is his last day in town, his phone is already disconnected, and he’s desperate to get the call he has been waiting for from the comic book company he hopes will hire him and put him on the path to his creative goals. If he doesn’t get the call, he’ll be forced to cow-tow to his parents’ wishes and move to Utah to suffer a soul-crushing job in his uncle’s paint factory.

So begins the story of an anxious day in the life of three young adults wrestling with dreams and responsibilities, love and lust, euphoria and paranoia. Waiting for the crucial call, the trio begin to regale each other with their various experiences in the adult world: Johnny suffers the daily humiliations of serving an aging and eccentric novelist; Sid can’t keep a job, even a good one; Natalie, the perpetual over-achiever, chides them both on their shortcomings and can’t help sharing her various schemes for success. As each of their stories evolves, we come to learn of the utter dysfunction of Sid and Natalie’s co-dependent relationship, the crush Johnny has harbored for Natalie ever since high school, and the deep-seated fears of both Johnny and Sid reflected in the hallucinations brought on by their repeated boredom-induced bong-hits.

As the day draws on, Johnny begins to accept the inevitable: with nothing left to lose, he attempts to confront Natalie about his feelings; examine the career demands and expectations his parents have laid on him and he has accepted up to this point. Whether he decides to go to Utah or not, one thing has become crystal clear – he must face his future alone.'

Another tweak.

'An aimless college graduate spends his last day in town with two high school friends, before leaving to join the family business, retreating from the harsh realities of the adult world as they dream of adventure and escape.'

I was reading this thread through again and three points hit me:

1) Isn't this film a comedy? And if so, why does the logline make it sound like a straight coming of age drama?

2) The word "aimless" in the logline is misleading, because the protagonist has a very real goal and aim "To get the comic book job"

3) The piece is character driven, so the logline needs to reflect that dynamic - this maybe why the current logline is so weak -- you're trying to sell the plot and frankly there isn't one.

What many people don't appreciate about loglines is that there isn't one "right" one -- a film can be described in a mulitplicity of ways.

The way that spec script writers deal with this issue is to write ten or twenty different loglines, from different perspectives and then send them out to friends to see which one really light's their fire.

It's s humbling process because often the thinbgs you think are the strongest turn out to be the weakest.

The other thing is that you might send a different logline to different distributors, depending on what their "niche" market is.

The other way you might approach it is to ask a few of the lead actors what they think the film is about -- peopel with a little distance often have more insight.

Sorry to double post, but I had a shoot for client to do before I could get back to this.

I thought it might be an idea to give some examples of how different perspectives can be written for the same film.

So all these are logline's for my spec script True:

A young American, looking for a hedonistic weekend of drugs and sex, becomes the victim of a sadistic reality show: a show which fools him into believing that a group of psychotic gangsters and the police are hunting him for a murder he didn't commit.

A heartbroken New York musician tries to lose himself in sex and drugs … only to fall victim to a sadistic reality show.

A naïve young man’s sex holiday becomes a nightmare when he’s framed with the murder of a powerful gangster.

A New York musician’s holiday in a European red light district becomes a nightmare when he tries to save a prostitute from a brutal gangster.

A naïve young man partying in an infamous European red light district is drawn into a dark world of violence and crime.

A young musician, bankrupted by his ex-wife, tries to drown his sorrows in an infamous red light district, where he falls in love with a vulnerable young prostitute. To rescue her he will have to outmanoeuvre the violent pornographer who has chilling plans for both of them.


When his boss fires him and his ex-wife bankrupts him on the same day David thinks life can’t get much worse, but when the offer of a free holiday puts him in the clutches of a sadistic reality TV show, David is forced to discover whether he’s prepared to kill for love and revenge.


As you can see with each one I've looked at different elements, and yet they are all true of the screenplay.

The trick is to remember that shorter isn't always better and the upper limit on most loglines is sixty words.

'Before joining the family business, an aimless college graduate spends his last day in town with friends retreating from the realities of the world by dreaming of adventure and escape.'

Another tweak.

'An aimless college graduate spends his last day in town with two high school friends, before leaving to join the family business, retreating from the harsh realities of the adult world as they dream of adventure and escape.'

What about...

A recent college grad is facing a dreaded future with the family business. To avoid the harsh realities tomorrow will bring, he spends a memorable day (night?) painting the town with two eccentric high school friends. Together, they act out their dreams of adventure and escape.

I've taken some liberties here, but perhaps this version is more active? Which is a good thing, I think. But now it's three sentences, which may not be a good thing. I'm not sure. I'm rather new at this, too, so this post has been very educational for me.

Media Hero and Alphie. That is good stuff, I really dig it.

My computer is going to be down for a few days and I won't have internet access. I'll be back sunday.

'An aimless college graduate is facing a dreaded future with the family business. Trying to avoid the harsh realities tomorrow will bring, he spends his last day in town with two high school friends looking for adventure and escape.'

that sounds alright to me

Looking is better than dreaming.. dreaming brings to mind guys sitting around on the couch, while looking implies that they are wandering the town or something.. much more amusing things can happen off the couch. ;)

some of the synonyms of looking that are more active would be searching for, seeking, chasing...check out a thesaurus and use the most dynamic word that fits...they can often convey more meanings than just the flat definition of the word...I can request or admonish...request is very passive, while admonish hints at desparation or warning.