This is a new project I recently started. I do not like it a lot, I don't hate it though. this is the first four pages and I am not sure how to feel about it. Certain things i'm likely to remove later. I do plan on rewriting this later. This is not the final product, its not even the complete draft. This is the beginning of the draft.
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critique Working on something new, Is it worth continuing?
- Thread starter New22
- Start date
If there's a boring opening, what you see a lot of times is the story start off somewhere exciting on the first page or two. and then it says Cut to: 2 months earlier. or whatever, something like that. and then we get the real beginning.
That way it packs some extra punch to draw people in
That way it packs some extra punch to draw people in
I know it's lazy to just post a video. I did read it. But this is a good video that I think would really help you out.
If you wanted for example the simplest way to instantly make this more interesting, just have your main character do one thing that is unexpected and unexplained. You don't even have to write the payoff or reveal yet. Just do something to cause the audience to begin waiting for a future resolve. In example, when Johnny visit's Claire's apartment to paint, he could use the bathroom and hide a gun behind the toilet. That would keep people reading for 10 more pages. Or he watches Ryan walk away, and the moment he is out of sight, he runs back inside and throws a bunch of money into the bathtub and sets it on fire. Obviously the details would be different in each genre, but the core psychology of what you need to be doing is similar.
I'd add that modern audiences are fairly unforgiving about pacing problems. You don't need to go overboard and do some flash forward to a hostage situation, that's the kind of hamhanded approach you see sometimes, but you do need to start putting in little hooks as early as possible, like kindling, to keep the flame, the attention, going long enough to develop into a fire.
If you wanted for example the simplest way to instantly make this more interesting, just have your main character do one thing that is unexpected and unexplained. You don't even have to write the payoff or reveal yet. Just do something to cause the audience to begin waiting for a future resolve. In example, when Johnny visit's Claire's apartment to paint, he could use the bathroom and hide a gun behind the toilet. That would keep people reading for 10 more pages. Or he watches Ryan walk away, and the moment he is out of sight, he runs back inside and throws a bunch of money into the bathtub and sets it on fire. Obviously the details would be different in each genre, but the core psychology of what you need to be doing is similar.
I'd add that modern audiences are fairly unforgiving about pacing problems. You don't need to go overboard and do some flash forward to a hostage situation, that's the kind of hamhanded approach you see sometimes, but you do need to start putting in little hooks as early as possible, like kindling, to keep the flame, the attention, going long enough to develop into a fire.
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Well, not really. Art is free form and subjective, at least for writing, but one of the central points in the video is to create your cycles of interest kind of Matroshka doll style. I'm explaining this poorly. Every scene a tiny movie in and of itself. Planting seeds of tension builds it, conflict maintains it. The real formula here is to build and maintain tension, with staged releases of various types. Inside scenes, it does work differently, but again the core concepts are similar, just on a smaller scale. Think of the end of a scene as a punctuation mark to a sentence.
Your scenes lack drama, but it's kind of an easy fix, you'll get the hang of it.
Bad scene - bob visits rick, they talk for a bit, and then bob decides it's getting late and leaves.
Good scene - Bob knocks hard on the door, looking in the window. He hears a strange noise. A moment later rick appears at the door, winded. They sit and talk, Bob tells Rick that he needs to get the money back that Rick was holding for him, Rick says I'll give it to you later, Bob says I need it now, it's an emergency, and asks Rick why he can't just go get it out of the closet. Rick tries to make some excuses, Bob pressures him, Rick breaks, admits he lost the money. He says he was robbed, Bob doesn't believe him. Bob starts yelling at Rick, and storms out, slamming the door behind him.
The door slam is your punctuation mark. The unidentified sound is a minor interest hook, Rick's evasion builds tension, the argument is conflict, which is simply more entertaining and maintains the tension.
Keep in mind that you can have plenty of conflict and tension between characters that like each other, or are on the same side. The kind of conflict writers discuss is more nuanced that what the word often means in other context. Case Study - True Detective season 1
Your scenes lack drama, but it's kind of an easy fix, you'll get the hang of it.
Bad scene - bob visits rick, they talk for a bit, and then bob decides it's getting late and leaves.
Good scene - Bob knocks hard on the door, looking in the window. He hears a strange noise. A moment later rick appears at the door, winded. They sit and talk, Bob tells Rick that he needs to get the money back that Rick was holding for him, Rick says I'll give it to you later, Bob says I need it now, it's an emergency, and asks Rick why he can't just go get it out of the closet. Rick tries to make some excuses, Bob pressures him, Rick breaks, admits he lost the money. He says he was robbed, Bob doesn't believe him. Bob starts yelling at Rick, and storms out, slamming the door behind him.
The door slam is your punctuation mark. The unidentified sound is a minor interest hook, Rick's evasion builds tension, the argument is conflict, which is simply more entertaining and maintains the tension.
Keep in mind that you can have plenty of conflict and tension between characters that like each other, or are on the same side. The kind of conflict writers discuss is more nuanced that what the word often means in other context. Case Study - True Detective season 1