Hi guys,
currently working through my first screenplay, and I just wanted your opinions on style, when it comes to writing stage directions and non-dialogue, action lines. Would you recommend powerful, descriptive, emotive language to engage the reader and draw them in to the story; or should I be short and sweet, to-the-point with whatever it is I want to say?
An example, describing a shootout between cops and a robber (cliched, but it's easy to follow. Also, forget character names):
Option 1) A ring of quasi-military police officers and a plethora of SWAT agents release a volley of shots towards the suspect. During the frenetic exchange of gunfire, several rounds strike his body.
The suspect reels backwards. His eyes bulge. He tries to yell out in pain, but the shock is overwhelming. The blood seeps onto his jumper, like a crimson tide.
Time appears to freeze for an instant.
Meanwhile, his accomplice flees to safety behind his trusty pick-up.
Option 2) The police surrounding the suspect begin to open fire. Bullets ricochet off walls and cars.
Some of the bullets hit the suspect, who staggers backwards in shock.
As the suspect collapses, his accomplice races to the stolen pick-up, and speeds away, leaving his pal for dead in the street.
If I put myself in the shoes of a producer (or an agent for that matter), I can see both ideas having merit. I want to believe in the story, I want it to come alive for me. But I can also see how having too much prose makes it seem almost like a novel, and if I have dozens of other scripts to read through, maybe it's better if the action phrases are kept simple i.e. just tell me what frigging happens so I can mentally imagine budgeting this film if I option it for production.
If any of this makes sense, I'd love to hear your thoughts, people
currently working through my first screenplay, and I just wanted your opinions on style, when it comes to writing stage directions and non-dialogue, action lines. Would you recommend powerful, descriptive, emotive language to engage the reader and draw them in to the story; or should I be short and sweet, to-the-point with whatever it is I want to say?
An example, describing a shootout between cops and a robber (cliched, but it's easy to follow. Also, forget character names):
Option 1) A ring of quasi-military police officers and a plethora of SWAT agents release a volley of shots towards the suspect. During the frenetic exchange of gunfire, several rounds strike his body.
The suspect reels backwards. His eyes bulge. He tries to yell out in pain, but the shock is overwhelming. The blood seeps onto his jumper, like a crimson tide.
Time appears to freeze for an instant.
Meanwhile, his accomplice flees to safety behind his trusty pick-up.
Option 2) The police surrounding the suspect begin to open fire. Bullets ricochet off walls and cars.
Some of the bullets hit the suspect, who staggers backwards in shock.
As the suspect collapses, his accomplice races to the stolen pick-up, and speeds away, leaving his pal for dead in the street.
If I put myself in the shoes of a producer (or an agent for that matter), I can see both ideas having merit. I want to believe in the story, I want it to come alive for me. But I can also see how having too much prose makes it seem almost like a novel, and if I have dozens of other scripts to read through, maybe it's better if the action phrases are kept simple i.e. just tell me what frigging happens so I can mentally imagine budgeting this film if I option it for production.
If any of this makes sense, I'd love to hear your thoughts, people