screenplay Should I put it in action or parenthical line?

[spanielkoffa]

I got two questions:
1. If a character is doing any activities while talking, it is better to put such information in action or parenthical lines?
2. When it comes to action line - if it is right under a character dialogue, do I have to always write their name necessarily at the beginning? (in this case, do I have to write "Clara" or is it enough to write "she"?)

 

[mlesemann]

3 part answer:
1. Action line
2. She is fine
3. Unless you're directing the movie yourself, don't include camera directions such as "leaves the frame."

A little more color on point 3:

The shot in question could be a close up of Clara and whoever else is in the scene, or a wide shot of the entire kitchen, or anything in between. The meaning of "leaves the shot" depends on what the shot IS, which is up to the director to decide and the DP to implement. So if you mean that she walks away from the table or out of the kitchen, just say that.

 

[spanielkoffa]

3 part answer:
1. Action line
2. She is fine
3. Unless you're directing the movie yourself, don't include camera directions such as "leaves the frame."

A little more color on point 3:

The shot in question could be a close up of Clara and whoever else is in the scene, or a wide shot of the entire kitchen, or anything in between. The meaning of "leaves the shot" depends on what the shot IS, which is up to the director to decide and the DP to implement. So if you mean that she walks away from the table or out of the kitchen, just say that.

Thank you
I'm going to direct my movies and that's good that you brought up this issue, because I was also wondering if I have to give a character's appearance in a screenplay if I know myself how they would look (and even have particular photos).

 

[mlesemann]

if I have to give a character's appearance in a screenplay if I know myself how they would look (and even have particular photos).

It's common practice to give a general description even if things may change in production if you're not directing (or even when you are, for practical reason).

And yes, since you're directing you definitely should describe the character, although I suggest that you don't get so far into the details that it bogs down/distracts the reader.

 

[directorik]

Thank you
I'm going to direct my movies and that's good that you brought up this issue, because I was also wondering if I have to give a character's appearance in a screenplay if I know myself how they would look (and even have particular photos).

You are directing but you aren't the only person who will read the script. Even on
an ultra-lo budget show other people will be taking cues from your script.

It never hurts a writer/director to write as if the script will go through the standard
process.

 

[Spike]

Re. parenthetical v action line, my sense is that if the direction helps the reader understand an important aspect of the characters attitude, or helps the reader hear how the line is read, then a parenthetical works. For example, here is David Lynch and Mark Frost, in the pilot of Twin Peaks (assume correct formatting.)

INT. GREAT NORTHERN HOTEL DINING ROOM - DAY

Dale Cooper sits at a choice corner table, holding a fresh, hot cup of coffee, as a
WAITRESS stands by, holding the coffee pot.

COOPER
(holding up a hand to stop her)
Wait right there, wait right there....
(he sniffs the coffee; hmm ... he sips)
You know, this is, excuse me, a damn good cup of coffee. I've had I can't tell you how many cups of coffee I've had in my life and this
(another sip)
... this is one of the best.

WAITRESS
Thank you.

*

Coop's coffee sipping and sniffing could have been action lines, but I like this--reading, we see and understand something about him. A lot of it is, I think, feel, and this feels correct. It is not obtrusive; if flows.

Clara's three parentheticals tell us nothing about her, or about how the line should be read, or something we need to understand about the line, like "to X," to someone specific. And they kind of break what is, I think, a nice little bit. So they probably should be action lines.

However, the whole short bit is confusing. She goes to the cupboard, begins preparing breakfast, and then exits. I have a hard time seeing exactly what she is doing. And I don't have a sense of what's going on with her. Is she angry, here?

Anyway, maybe something like:

Clara lays out plates from the cupboard on the counter, cracks an egg into a pan on the stove. And pauses.

CLARA
I didn't know about it.

She turns and faces Xavier.

CLARA
If I'd known I'd have told you.

She abruptly exits the kitchen, leaving the eggs over the flame to burn.

*
My point is, I think, that specific is better than general. Think of your readers (here, us) and give us just enough to describe what it is that we are seeing.

 

[spanielkoffa]

Your sense is good. When it comes to me, I feel like action lines are more about move and parentheticals are more about states (tone of voice, pose, etc.)

 

[Spike]

When it comes to me, I feel like action lines are more about move and parentheticals are more about states (tone of voice, pose, etc.)

This sounds right . It's where you think the focus is, personal, or external. And there are a variety of individual styles among accomplished screenwriters. Not, I think, hard and fast rules.