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Short Film Screenplay: Ninja

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Wow. Amazing short script. If you're looking for feedback, that's all I can say. I'm not a huge fan of straight physical comedies, but I could definitely see this working on screen if executed correctly. I love the concept of showing a ninja doing mundane activities, love the fight scene with Red Ninja, and in the he gets outbid on ebay by the same ninja. :lol: Along with the selfless act of giving up his prize to the little kid(even though I don't think the kids mom would like it too much, lol). Overall though, great script. Get out and make this thing. And good luck.
 
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I really enjoyed it. Excellent pacing, good use of visuals and physical humor. You created an interesting, 3D character. The story was well developed -- boy gets numchuk, boy loses numchuk, boy recovers numchuk. The subjective story line "good vs. not-so-good" gets nicely wrapped up. Overall, excellent script.
 
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Code: 
EXT. APARTMENT - BALCONY

NINJA

looks over the railing, puts a cigarette to his lips...[COLOR="Red"]and his mask is in the way![/COLOR]

He looks at the cigarette morosely and flings it off.

CUT TO:

CIGARETTE

flying through the air like a quivering arrow, the b.g. a blur.

Then how'd he eat the mac-cheese and later the salad?
 
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rayw said:
Code: 
EXT. APARTMENT - BALCONY

NINJA

looks over the railing, puts a cigarette to his lips...[COLOR="Red"]and his mask is in the way![/COLOR]

He looks at the cigarette morosely and flings it off.

CUT TO:

CIGARETTE

flying through the air like a quivering arrow, the b.g. a blur.

Then how'd he eat the mac-cheese and later the salad?
Click to expand...

That's part of the silliness because you never see ninja eating on screen and without his face covered. So technically being outside he cannot risk to remove his mask.
 
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begezinum21 said:
Wow. Amazing short script. If you're looking for feedback, that's all I can say. I'm not a huge fan of straight physical comedies, but I could definitely see this working on screen if executed correctly. I love the concept of showing a ninja doing mundane activities, love the fight scene with Red Ninja, and in the he gets outbid on ebay by the same ninja. :lol: Along with the selfless act of giving up his prize to the little kid(even though I don't think the kids mom would like it too much, lol). Overall though, great script. Get out and make this thing. And good luck.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the encouraging words. Now the hard part is getting a team together to produce it.
 
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