Screenplay review and tips

J

Jbreck

I've written a screenplay. I've run it by basically everyone I know, and done about five rewrites. It gets glowing reviews from the people I do show it too, however... I really need get a set of professional or semi-professional eyes on it. The script is properly copyrighted and registered.

And so that you are interested in actually reading it, here is my pitch:

Snow Country: Two small town friends find an illegal treasure beyond imagination in the woods. One thinks it's the answer to his financial problems. The other thinks it's his chance to finally be somebody. In order to reach there goals, they travel down a spiral of depravity, and nothing with ever be the same. Snow Country: What would you do?


Please PM me if interested in reading and giving me your take on it.
 
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Sounds dangerously close to...

Jbreck said:
I've written a screenplay. I've run it by basically everyone I know, and done about five rewrites. It gets glowing reviews from the people I do show it too, however... I really need get a set of professional or semi-professional eyes on it. The script is properly copyrighted and registered.

And so that you are interested in actually reading it, here is my pitch:

Snow Country: Two small town friends find an illegal treasure beyond imagination in the woods. One thinks it's the answer to his financial problems. The other thinks it's his chance to finally be somebody. In order to reach there goals, they travel down a spiral of depravity, and nothing with ever be the same. Snow Country: What would you do?


Please PM me if interested in reading and giving me your take on it.
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A SIMPLE PLAN


filmy
 
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Sorry, have to agree, your synopsis sounds like it could have been written for A Simple Plan.
 
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indietalk said:
Sorry, have to agree, your synopsis sounds like it could have been written for A Simple Plan.
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Heard that from someone else. Never seen the film. It's a discovery film. There are alot of those out there. Simple Plan I guess. Shallow grave to name another. A bit of googling would give me a few films I can't recall. A couple of my friends have seen "Simple Plan", but says the screenplay is quite a bit different upon reading it however. I'll look into adjusting the pitch. It is what it is.

Also, and I hate to smash on the mods, but I would just like people to PM me if they'd like to read it, not to tell me they think it might be like another movie they've heard of. Yes, it's a discovery type of movie, and I can name about 10 other movies like that. I can also name 50 movies where someone takes vengance because someone they love was killed, and 50 more that are based on a woman who is about to get married falling for their true love, etc. It doesn't mean they aren't all unique movies.
 
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Let me explain...

Jbreck said:
Heard that from someone else. Never seen the film. It's a discovery film. There are alot of those out there. Simple Plan I guess. Shallow grave to name another. A bit of googling would give me a few films I can't recall. A couple of my friends have seen "Simple Plan", but says the screenplay is quite a bit different upon reading it however. I'll look into adjusting the pitch. It is what it is.

Also, and I hate to smash on the mods, but I would just like people to PM me if they'd like to read it, not to tell me they think it might be like another movie they've heard of. Yes, it's a discovery type of movie, and I can name about 10 other movies like that. I can also name 50 movies where someone takes vengance because someone they love was killed, and 50 more that are based on a woman who is about to get married falling for their true love, etc. It doesn't mean they aren't all unique movies.
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I doubt we will feel smashed on but I think you missed my point...

My point was NOT to smash you or squash your attempt at getting someone to read your spec. You said you would like to get a pro or semi-pro to read it.

As always and unlike every other filmmaking forum I've ever seen, we are here to help...

I said it sounded dangerously close to A SIMPLE PLAN i.e., rewrite your logline so it doesn't sound so much like it i.e., you may get a bite or two from someone who has the time to read it.

I'm also curious if you've gotten any basic coverage on it... If not, I highly recommend that you do -- at least before you attempt to market IF that is your eventual intention.

Good luck with it!

filmy
 
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Thanks. I'm going to rewrite the logline to pitch it differently, come up with a different angle, and update this in a bit. I haven't really concentrated on the logline, because the intention is to produce it locally once we nail down the script. Michigan has a good tax break for film making, and we have a local community that has already signed off on the locations and we are in the process of casting local actors. Before I went any further I really just wanted feedback on the script so I would know if it's a trainwreck. I'm not looking for a deal, or cash. The idea is just to make the movie, get experience in making a feature length pic, and plan on loosing a bit of money ;) If anything else happens, that's a bonus.

Anyways, since the logline sucks, which one of these is more intriguing (and doesn't sound like another movie):

A man attempting to help his best friend builds a web of criminality and murder, bringing chaos to a small town.

A chance encounter in the woods leads a man into a unpredictable web of criminality and murder.

A drug runners attempt to smuggle drugs through a sleepy resort town thrusts two desperate friends into a web of criminality and murder.
 
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