watch Power Up One Night Only

[Kholi]

now thats more like it..

thank you sir, may I have another.. !!!

@Koli,
exactly right on point. I confess that I have AVOIDED that comparison. Right now, without having watched that short since I started this one, Id say I'm rather short of the quality of that piece.


I have lots of excuses for all ya'alls points.. but they are just that excuses..

which excuse is largely this..

Over confident planning, a screwed up shot list order and no story boards. I only got 50% of the shots on my list! I really needed to shoot for two days, but thought I could do it in one.

This is why the shots are long, I dont have any cut aways, variant angles or anything else to pick from. I had to use a take of just about EVERY SHOT I had in the can to get this much on the screen. For example, those little jump cuts at the beginning, are not just artistic, I got NOTHING to put in between three very similar takes, neither of which was good enough on its own to make the sequence... I had on the LIST, ECU's etc.. missed em all!

The vague story is sorta on purpose, sorta just happened.. Im cool with serendipity so I like to try and just see what happens. Maybe it let me down in this case..

In the script I have very detailed information conveyed in the flashbacks that describe exactly HOW she died and other details via printed words.. As I was editing, it just felt like I was CRAMMING EXPOSITION DOWN THE VIEWERS THROAT. I opted to just show her discovering that she was a "thing" of some type... this could be clearer no doubt, but I kinda like the "art house" feel that fell out the end of that process. It seems the chronology of events got tangled a bit with the flash backs. My wife was trying to explain the order of events as she interpreted them, not quite as I meant, but not completely unreasonable. This again sorta puts the whole piece more artsy fartsy then I had intended. Style over substance as I mentioned..


All that said, I still have pride and a sense of accomplishment and its not complete dodo.

It sucks that you can't hear my golf clap from here, but I'm doing one! It's pretty damned big of you to see your work with the eyes of others.

Here's my only advice, since you've pointed out everything that I saw (and guessed) from watching it. From someone who deals in VFX in just about everything I work on and everything I want to work on: Flicker said it, but less is more. That stuff means absolutely nothing to an audience separated from the process of filmmaking.

Spend more time telling a solid story without VFX, that stuff's just icing on the cake.

At least you're learning with shorts, I had to go through an entire feature to learn that. xD

 

[mad_hatter]

While watching your short, I did notice few things that I intended to bring up, but having then read all the other posts, I think everybody else has already covered all I intended to say. So, I'll just say well done. That's some really good work!

 

[rockerrockstar]

Wheatgrider I missed the showing. I just got back home and check out your thread. I tried the password and it does not work any more. Anyways, it sounds like a good short film. Send me a link via PM or I will wait tell your next interation.

 

[Cracker Funk]

I have a relatively-new self-imposed policy -- I don't critique work unless I feel like the artist is particularly interested in that. Sometimes, I've assumed that the OP wanted critique, only to learn that they were only interested in screening, so I've tried to become more careful about that. Anyway, since you asked for it...

Something about this just feels "over processed" like a prog metal recording from the '90's vs a classic Mutt Lange mix ala "Back In Black" !

It's the music. I don't remember who pointed it out, but they're absolutely right. The music is what gives this film an almost canned feel. If the composer is reading this, I apologize for the harsh review. The music is completely lacking in drama. It has no build. It's almost like a loop.

For a movie with no dialogue, the importance of the score becomes incredibly heightened. It's half the movie. This score/soundtrack (not sure which you've got) is too big in the beginning, and not big enough in the end. It needs dynamism. And above all, it needs tension.

Also, I agree with the prior comments that it could be cut more tightly. Just cuz it's dramatic doesn't mean it can't be snappy.

Seriously, though, great work. That's not mere polite compliments; that's legit praise for a very worthy piece of work. Kudos!

 

[Jack Lynt]

I agree quite a bit with what you yourself have said, Wheat, as well as the others. I like the music, I wouldn't throw it out, just add a little variance --as if the composer actually sat down with the film itself and scored it appropriately rather than putting something together and then sending it to you, if that's what happened.

Something that stuck out for me like it did for Flicker was the long scene with the Doctor(?, I can't quite remember) standing behind the fx screen. On the one hand, it looks great. On the other hand I actually didn't find it to be quite as clear as I would like it to be, that is, the information that it was meant to convey. And it is a bit much of muchness for him to be just standing there the whole time. I know that he is working, his hands are moving, he's watching the screen and his wife etc. But I think that is one place that could have used those cut aways you mentioned. So in a sense and in general I certainly agree that less is more, I'm always reminding myself that too and chasing that virtue, but at the same time "more" in the sense of some cut aways, I suspect, would have made it stronger.

Another little thing having to do with the fx screen as well as the telling of the story was the teeny tiny little and, I felt, too obscured "happier times" video on the larger fx monitor. I'm a viewer who had previously seen that video on your facebook fan page, and I thought it was great and affecting. But I felt that in the film it was probably too small and maybe got lost and I suspect that it therefore didn't quite do its job to the fullest. In other words, and perhaps related to the style or substance discussion, I'm thinking that that little video should probably have been a more prominent element in telling your, their story --that they have this history, that they're husband and wife etc. Maybe a closeup of that video for a moment, maybe some other strategic closeups. Anyway, it might have helped to tell the story more fully, move the story along, perhaps make it even more affecting. But I only watched the film twice. Maybe I'm misremembering.

Again, very nice work.

 

[dr stilly]

well done man, its more than a film, its a work of art and thats what i like about it...

needs some fat trimming, maybe more dynamic cutting as the tension hightens. lead guy and music are reason for the emotional limp, the girl is briiiiiilllliant!!! her eyes are so convincing, she carries the emotion of the piece.

overall its another world, the mixture of old and new creates a fantasy world that absorbed me. it did jerk me emotionally, that thing about past happiness in present misery always gets me but again...the music could of added the final punch...maybe more exact music with reactions.

great stuff though...