Picking out events for a flashback

[mmkp1990]

Hello,

Just have a screenwriting question I am a bit curious on. Below I have written a flashback scene where it picks out the events from the start of the film. Now the events like I said a picked out, meaning that for example event A and event B did not happen straightaway at the start of the film, it went event A, blah, blah, blah then event B blah, blah, blah, then event C and so on. That is why in the flashback I included A)... B)... C)...

But what I want to know is that is this the correct thing to do in a screenplay? How would other go about this? Am I wasting lines by including A), B), C)... Should the reader know which scenes in the flashback I am referring to from the start of the film by simply reading the matching actions and dialogues. I am trying to condense my screenplay so I would like to know a condense way of tackling this example.

Thanks You

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INT. YAMAMOTO’S HOME - LIVING ROOM, SONOKO – NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

A) Family around the Ludo board with Takashi and Chiyo having their fun bicker.

TAKASHI
I just couldn’t roll that number one.

CHIYO
That’s because luck doesn’t occur for losers.

TAKASHI
Losers like me! That’s it, I will show you who is a loser.

B) Haruto beating Miyu in Ludo.

MIYU
I am going to beat you onii-chan.

HARUTO
You are not going to beat me Miyu.

MIYU
I will, I’m feeling lucky this throw.

HARUTO
Oh you do? Well, let’s make it interesting by having a bet. Whoever loses has to say positive things about the winner.

Dice HITS the board and rolls to the center before stopping to show the number one.

HARUTO MIYU
Yes! No!

Haruto moves his remaining blue piece home.

TAKASHI
Looks like you going to have to sweeten up to your brother now Miyu.

C) Miyu having to repeat after Haruto on how brilliant he is.

MIYU
You’re my knight in shining armor whenever I’m in trouble.

HARUTO
Oh well, thank you very much Miyu.

D) Miyu requesting parents to work together to beat Haruto.

MIYU
That’s it; your luck ran out! Mum, Dad, let’s work together and beat onii-chan this time.

E) STILL SHOT of the whole family around the table laughing.

END FLASHBACK as Haruto continuously stares before Miyu SNEEZES in her sleep, causing Haruto to lie back down and embrace her again.

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[Filman]

Tricky, as you include dialogue. It becomes very difficult to follow. At least without dialogue these exist as SERIES OF SHOTS. Don't be surprised if someone argues that with dialogue those flashbacks turn into SEQUENCES, or something like that. Or SERIES OF FLASHBACKS.

 

[mad_hatter]

Out of context, it’s almost impossible to understand what you’re trying to achieve. Is Takashi the Dad, Chiyo the Mum, while Miyu and Haruto are sister and brother, respectively? That doesn’t seem right, with the embrace between Miyu and Haruto at the end...

Reading through this flashback, it doesn’t feel like a flashback at all; if you take away the A), B), C)..., it almost reads like a complete scene, where a family plays Ludo. There doesn’t seem to be much time between each section to warrant them being broken up. Nothing seems to be revealed by this flashback either...

Without knowing what the flashback is there to reveal, or what happened before or after, I can only say that what is written above doesn’t really seem necessary.

Could you explain what you are trying to achieve with this?

 

[mmkp1990]

Out of context, it’s almost impossible to understand what you’re trying to achieve. Is Takashi the Dad, Chiyo the Mum, while Miyu and Haruto are sister and brother, respectively? That doesn’t seem right, with the embrace between Miyu and Haruto at the end...

Reading through this flashback, it doesn’t feel like a flashback at all; if you take away the A), B), C)..., it almost reads like a complete scene, where a family plays Ludo. There doesn’t seem to be much time between each section to warrant them being broken up. Nothing seems to be revealed by this flashback either...

Without knowing what the flashback is there to reveal, or what happened before or after, I can only say that what is written above doesn’t really seem necessary.

Could you explain what you are trying to achieve with this?

Ok so a tsunami has destroyed a town. Haruto (son) carries his deceased mother (Chiyo) to small higher land. There he finds out miyu (sister) is alive, they embrace but Haruto notices behind miyu that their father (takashi) is dead. Miyu cries in the embrace (also finding out herself her mum is dead) whilst Haruto is in disbelief.

Later in the evening, Haruto and miyu are sleeping in front of a tree with Haruto embracing miyu (to keep warm). Haruto wakes up and sits up as he reflects on the last time they were happy as a family (this is where the flashback comes in, showing the scenes from beginning of film where family is happy).

After flashback (after Haruto finishes his remembrance), miyu sneezes, noticing this Haruto embraces miyu again and tries to go to sleep, but can't as a tear flows from his eye.

So as already stated by the other user, it is like a flashback sequence of events picked out from earlier in the film.

Is that easier for you and others to understand you feel?