Not quite ordinary...

[Sulaco]

Greetings to everyone here!

Like (I'm guessing) everyone here I'm an aspiring film maker. However I'm guessing I'm in a bit of a different boat to most of the people here...

I'm from Australia, but I'm currently living in Xi'an, China, and I'm about to start studying Chinese.

Anyway, the reason I'm posting is my girlfriend, some of her friends and I are currently planning on making a film.

My girlfriend is Chinese, but her English is superb, and she is an aspiring musician/actress, and I'm an aspiring director, so obviously... it's a match made in Heaven (or in this case, Xi'an).

I'm writing here to post some of the ideas we (or, mainly I) have had about the film. What follows is a very basic description, and it's not in excellent English as I wrote it so her friends could understand it.

The language of the film will be a mixture of English and Chinese, which will definitely be challenging, but hopefully it will work well.

What follows is the description I gave to the Chinese people. My apologies for the not-so-flash English, but I'm hoping to write up a more flowing and better detailed outline sometime in the near future.

Main person is a young girl who is finishing school. Her father left her mother before she was born, and her mother died during childbirth. She lives with her aunt (when she's not living at university (which is the norm in China).
She has a disease (to be researched and detailed soon).
Even though she's very sick, she always try to do everything by herself, and she doesn't want people to help her.

This role is going to be played by my girlfriend. She'll be speaking in Chinese and English (probably about 40/60 percentage-wise).

There is a foreign boy who came to China because he didn't know what he wanted to do after he finished school. He decided to go to China, because it is a very different country to his own. He meets the girl (you). The girl doesn't tell the boy she is sick, and helps him with many things he needs (because he knows nothing about China). The boy and girl spend a lot of time together and start to fall in love, but the girl doesn't want to love the boy because she is sick, and she doesn't want him to need to look after her, and she doesn't want to hurt him.

This role is going to be played by none other than myself. Unfortunately I'm not THAT great on film, however I think I can roll up the socks and put on a decent performance for this role. I'll be speaking in almost entirely English, with a few bits of Chinese. 95/5 would be the percentage.

The girl's best friend. The only person the girl will let help her when she needs it, and the only person except for her aunt who she trusts. Worries about the girl and the foreign boy, because she thinks its bad for the girl to love someone when she is sick and most likely going to pass away, but also knows that it makes the girl happy so she doesn't want to stop her from being with him.

This role will (hopefully) be played by my girlfriend's friend, who's also an aspiring musician/actress. She'll be speaking mostly Chinese, probably 80/20.

The girl finds out about her disease at the very start of the movie, and it obviously makes her feel very sad, but she doesn't want her friends or anyone to know about it, so she and her Aunt agree not to tell anyone yet.
The foreign boy arrives in China, and he and the girl meet each other (I don't know where they will meet yet).
When the boy and girl meet, because the girl is sick she accidentally hurts herself, and the boy helps her to go to the doctor.
The girl decides to help the boy, because he knows no one in China. When she is helping the boy, she has a few problems because she is sick. The boy can see that she is sick, but when he asks the girl, she tells him she is ok. The boy does not keep asking, but tries to look after the girl.
One day when the girl is at university/having fun with friends, she has a very bad accident and gets hurt, and her best friend takes her to her aunts home and helps look after her. The girl's Aunt then tell's the girl's best friend about her disease.The foreign boy finds out that the girl had a very bad accident and tries to talk to her, but the girl's Aunt will not let her talk to her, so the foreign boy tries to talk to the girl's best friend.
The girl's best friend doesn't tell the boy anything, so the boy says that if she needs any help he will help her.

The girl continues to help the boy, even though she is sick. It is easy for the boy to see that she is sick, but he knows she doesn't want him to know, so he does not talk about it. The girl tries to live her life normally, but it is difficult for her. After some time, it is too hard for her to go anywhere alone. The Aunt and the girl's best friend decide it is time for her to stop going to class. The girl doesn't like this, but after talking with her Aunt, she agrees to have class at home.
The boy comes to her home almost everyday to help her study English, and also so that she has someone to talk to.
Everytime he is at her home, she tries to act like nothing is wrong. The boy thinks the girl is very good for being so strong and not letting her disease stop her from doing the things she likes.
The Aunt agrees to let the girl still have fun with her friends.
After a short tmie, the girl is too sick of leave her home. Her friends still come to see her and talk, and the boy still comes everyday. The girl still tries to talk about thigns she will do when she is older. She talks about getting married, having a job to help people, and having a family, but she knows it is impossible to have any of that. The boy tries to make everything she wants come true, but it is impossible.

Eventually, the girl gets too ill to continue on and passes away.
The boy admires the girl for trying to live a normal life for a long time, even when she was sick, and he is inspired to spread her story to other people.

Once again, my apologies for pretty shoddy descriptions there, but I hope you can all look past that.
I'm aware that in those descriptions the character arcs are almost non-existent, but I've explained them to my gf and written them down on various notes. Any opinions on the overall story or whatever would be appreciated.

My gf feels that the basic story is too common, which is also my worry =/
Her other suggestion was that showing the state of mind of the main character could be interesting...

Any thoughts, opinions or what-have-you are appreciated.

 

[Sulaco]

40 views and no replies?
Guess I'll have to keep grinding my brain!

 

[Zensteve]

Well, it's a bit convoluted the way you describe it.

Have you seen Ikiru, btw? Or Moulin Rouge? They both deal with the "imminent death" thing rather well.

 

[Sulaco]

I've seen Moulin Rouge. I had to study it in my final year of High School. Not a particularly fun film to study with my teacher =_=

I guess I should write it so that it's not so convoluted and easier for native English speakers to understand

 

[oakstreetphotovideo]

It's not hard to understand, but I think the ending is anticlimactic. Your story plays out more like a documentary than a drama, in my unprofessional opinion. It sounds like the story fits your characters well, as your cast fits easily into their parts. What you need is a dramatic build up and finish that feels like a movie. Just brainstorming here, but if you could write the conflict around the foreign student in such a way that his new friend's death brings him to some sort of realization (as you alluded in your description), the story might have better closure, although the ending would be bitter-sweet. To put it another way, the dying girl would not be the central character. An analogy would be "City of Angels", although I hated the ending, the story was about the angel who wanted be mortal, only to crushed when the love of his life was taken from him in a tragic accident. That movie kind of pissed me off ... I think I killed the person who told me to watch it ... but it is the closest analog I can think of for what I'm trying to describe.

Doug

 

[Sulaco]

Thanks for that oakstreet. Your comment about the foreign student is actually something that has bugged me quite a lot. I want to twist him in to the story more, however working out how to do it is what's giving me a headache. The idea I had for the foreigner is that he went to China because he had no idea what to do after high school, and somehow the girl inspires him to do something.

 

[oakstreetphotovideo]

That sounds like it has potential. If it can be something subtle ... maybe something dramatic happens to the boy in the beginning that he things is tragic and he runs from it. He is destined to meet this girl who gives him a different point of view, so he sees the value in his earlier tragedy. After the girl dies, he is able to go back and face his demon and move on with his life. Maybe he has a love interest at home who he cannot connect with due to some tragic event, and they get together in the end and live happily ever after (Eeeek!). Just brainstorming, again.

Doug

 

[Spatula]

I dig it. Really sad, and very heavy... if this is a short film, it might be hard to do in a short time (15 mins or less).
The idea itself is a common one- haven't seen "A Walk To Remember", but this type of story could basically be called a genre, for all the "Girls-who-are-dying-and-meet-a-charming-young-man" movies... HOWEVER, I'd be more inclined to say that it's a common idea because everyone can relate to that kind of story- love and death go together like pudding and pools.

So, what you, the uber-creative director/writer, have to do, is find something within the story that sets it apart... already you've got a few things going: Interesting "exotic" location, cross-cultural (and not a common pairing- Aussie + Chinese)...

I'd look more closely at the ending... she dies, and he's inspired... fits the story well, but balance that with audience reactions- if he's INSPIRED by the story of the girl, you should leave the audience feeling the SAME way, right? But with main characters dying, it's tricky, because a lot of people feel "cut-off" when main characters die... unless it has SIGNIFICANCE to the story/remaining characters.

So, what I'd do, is look at the character arc of the GUY... who is he? why is he in CHINA? what does he see in this girl that he lacks himself? How does she CHANGE him? Hows does he change HER? What lines and moral boundaries are crossed in the process of change?

Since she dies at the end, the audience will be left with this one "inspired Dude", so his character evolution is very important.. lemme try one of my whacko examples:

Let's say we make the guy a SPY.
Dude is sent to China to bust up a drug ring, by enrolling in the same school as chicky there... but he's a fresh-out-of-training kind of guy, not a hardened agent...
So his target turns out to be the girl's best friend, so when he meets the main girl, he thinks "here's my way in"! So at first, he's helping this girl out, unaware of her disease, to get to her friend. Twist is, he falls for her, and sympathizes with her illness.

So by twisting his character slightly, all these new scenes open up:
-Auntie find out guy is a spy, but concedes to not tell the girl so as to not break her heart. Auntie could've been a hard ass turned softie when she sees how much he REALLY cares... but she could also be a patriot, so there's your conflict and tension...
-Guy tells the girl's best friend he is supposed to be spying on her and tells her to "get out" instead of using her for Intel, after seeing how she really cares for his girl...
-Girlfriend finds out he is a spy on her death-bed, but accepts it because the love was "real"... or maybe by never knowing at all, it affects the leading man, because he feels like he lied, and this is the one kind of lie he swore he would never get involved in as a spy...
-After she dies, the guy realizes that the whole spy-scene is ridiculous, and quits the service... or maybe he takes out the girl's best friend and becomes the hard-ass agent he was supposed to become....

Whatever.. I'm not actually saying "make him a 007 agent"... I'm just trying to show how by tweaking one character, you can pull the idea out of the "common" and set it apart. Play around with the plot and characters until you have at least one element that makes you wonder "has this EVER been done before?" and you'll be rockin'. I'd try and read up on some screenwriting techniques about characterization to get some more inspiration... try unknownscreenwriter.com to start: http://www.unknownscreenwriter.com/category/screenwriting-characters/

You've got a good start, with a story that hits universal themes... now dig in and start twisting up some ruckus with characters and plot to bring it to the next level!

In all, it's definitely a good idea... if this is your first film, I'd give this advice: whatever you do, keep it SIMPLE and experiment however you like. Consider all advice, yet heed nothing but your instinct.

Hope that helps a bit!

 

[John@Bophe]

Just to echo what Spatula mentioned -- we're not aware of your background/experience with making movies. If this is your first attempt at making one, you might find that such a long, detailed story arc with all of the characters may become very intimidating. You might start to question how you will ever make this happen -- and then everything stalls. Maybe consider a few different options:

Start with some simpler ideas that you can shoot in a day, or a week. Get some practice.

OR

Consider developing your idea above as a serialized story. Write this out where the interactions of the boy and the girl become short episodes of a longer story. Shoot and edit one at a time. Then eventually you will build a story that can be watched in 5-minute chapters at a time. Have a plan for where you want the characters to end up (story-wise) and start gradually working toward it.

 

[Sulaco]

Spatula - I love you. While your idea isn't exactly what I had in mind, it has turned headache into a rather brainy storm.

In regards to my previous film making experience, I've made 1 short film, shot over 2 days with only an outline. I've also done small "films" for theater work when I was at school, as well creating a trailer for a sci-fi epic (with mass fleets full of capital ships and tiny fighters... not that that matters here).

I am trying to avoid having the foreigner as the central character, primarily because I'm a little camera-shy, and it's the girlfriend who is the aspiring actress. However, I think that it would be possible for the story to be worked so that the foreign boy can be the primary character, or at least the character the story follows the most, whilst not meaning that he has to have the largest amount of screen time.

The input from you guys has been superb, so thank you very much! Here's hoping I can take it and thrash out a better outline, then start developing the script (once the outline has been picked apart by one and all).

 

[wcmartell]

Seems like events rather than a story - and the male character is almost more observer than involved.

But my larger question is - do you plan on making this, or staring in it, or what? I think if you plan on directing it, you may have problems also acting in it - that's doing two things at once.

- Bill

 

[Sulaco]

I'm planning on acting and directing. That's the reason I'd prefer to limit my screentime but also have enough purpose to be a part of the story.

 

[Spatula]

Spatula - I love you. While your idea isn't exactly what I had in mind, it has turned headache into a rather brainy storm.

Yeah, mission accomplished, good then, brain storms rock. Glad to hear.

I am trying to avoid having the foreigner as the central character, primarily because I'm a little camera-shy, and it's the girlfriend who is the aspiring actress. However, I think that it would be possible for the story to be worked so that the foreign boy can be the primary character, or at least the character the story follows the most, whilst not meaning that he has to have the largest amount of screen time.

So the girl is like a "false protagonist" (see No Country For Old Men)... maybe try considering hiding the disease from the audience at first? .... see this is where the idea is tricky.. because the story unfolds from the girl's perspective, so right at the beginning, you essentially know the ending.... if I may be so bold as to try and incite more brain storms, what if... you cut this part: "The girl finds out about her disease at the very start of the movie"
And then reveal it through the story in subtext, actions, dialogue, whatnot... so that the audience finds out about her illness the same time that the guy does... So instead of her hiding her "illness", she's actually just hiding a "secret" at first... it'd create some tension and suspense there, and when you find out about the disease thing, it'd be more effective then, because the audience gets to know the girl before the ol' D-bomb is dropped?

Just some more stuff to think about!

 

[Sulaco]

That's a very interesting idea Spatula which could work well. I haven't seen No Country For Old Men, so I might go grab it and have a look tomorrow (if I can find it). Revealing her illness throughout the course of the film would be challenging, as doing it so that it doesn't look too over the top/silly/cliched would be a challenge, but if done successfully could engage the audience more...

Thanks for your advice Spatula... very appreciative!

 

[oakstreetphotovideo]

Don't listen to Spatula. He's a cooking utensil, for g's sake.

Doug

p.s. Does anyone remember the old anti-drug ads that went "This is your brain (showing an egg) ... This is your brain on drugs (cut to egg frying in a skillet)". Well, that frying egg was actually my brain after 3 days of editing, and Spatula was supposed to be in that scene, but he kept messing up his lines.

 

[barnaclelapse]

Lmao.

And now, that commerical makes me think of Bill Hicks.

And to me, the only trouble with revealing the girl's illness at the start is that you're basically telling the audience that you're that confident in the rest of the story being strong enough that they're know going in what the end result is most likely going to be.

The approach can be done...obviously it's been done before...it's just very, very tricky...and I think it requires a tremendous amount of faith in your material.

I'm not telling you that you shouldn't have that faith...the story looks pretty good to me...I'm just saying that it's a tough thing to pull off.

Sorry to babble, and sorry if I'm making an ass of myself, but that's just how I see it.

 

[Sulaco]

Thanks to all for your help.

I've started writing my script, however I would still like advice on it as I go along.
Now, as I stated earlier I've made some shorts (quite bad ones I think), and I've written several scripts that have only been read by a few people, however I'd like to see if there are one or two people here interested in have a quick flick through my script as I write it, telling me what they think works, and doesn't work.

Also, regarding the disease... I didn't want it to be a generic, no-name disease that exists simply to move my story, so I have been doing my research and I (think) have settled on Creutzfeld-Jakob Disease.