First, lose the Blackisms. They REALLY distract from your story. PLEASE, while Black is a gifted storyteller, that style does not work for new screenwriters. Many of Shane's later scripts he also directed. Writer/Directors have perks. Second, this reads more like a summary than a screenplay with all the 'we see', 'we learn', etc. 'We' is usually crutch for not doing the descriptive writing that is needed to properly develop characters or scenes. Third, you need to be more visually descriptive. What does "obvious depression" mean or look like? As a clinically trained therapist who has worked with depression, I can state there is no 'one look' that is obvious. While lethargy is a common symptom, in men, there is also anger. Fourth, this is a series of events (what), not a story (why). What are the arcs? Even as a scene it is rather vague. Nothing (and no one) is particularly interesting to hold the audience's attention. To be a drama requires some energy and emotion. Right now, there's no story, no energy hence no interest. It comes across as a lifeless ripoff from "Her". I think you should focus on writing it up as a summary story, then consider converting it to a screenplay. It feels like an incomplete thought. Good luck.
