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Need advice on drawing viewer emotion for short film

T

threeplusnine

I've got a short film idea that I'm writing, and I need some suggestions/advice.

The idea is that protagonist wakes up from a dream of a car crash and he googled lucid dreaming. He looks over at a picture of him and a girl -- it's implied throughout that she died in a car accident via short flashbacks etc. He looks up "how to lucid dream" and lays down to begin doing so after another look at the picture. he begins to dream where he can control his actions and he sees the girl in the dream, and they embrace and spend time together. The dream gradually fades into real life and it ends with the implication that he's living in his dream (don't tell me it's like Inception because the only similarity is the ambiguity).

So what I need help on, is making the person watching the film feel like crying. I want the viewer to finish watching the film and go "That was beautiful."

The film is set entirely to one song by a post-rock band. There should be little or no dialogue at all.

The actor/actress are teenagers.

What should I do/add in the 3 minutes of the film to make the viewer really care what happens with the characters? thanks!
 
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If he lucid dreams about spending time with the girl, he has already half-accomplished his goal. If he ultimately lives in the dream, then he fully accomplishes it (albeit unrealistically). Because he ends up with the girl, there is not enough suffering and loss in THAT story to pull tears in 3 minutes. If you want that kind of emotional response in 3 minutes, you have to hit people hard with the guy's suffering. Showing him "living the dream" is more of a feel-good response.

How about he keeps trying the dream thing, but never quite succeeds? THEN he's got anguish on both fronts, and someone might relate to that emotionally. OR, you might be able to get a good emotional response if he struggles through the short to accomplish his goal, and then he succeeds with a joyful reunion only at the very end. That might do it. A solid win by the underdog after much struggling can be emotionally beautiful. (Like when Jake Taylor bunted in the winning run in Major League <sniff>)
 
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John - That's awesome! I might add the element of him trying and not succeeding.

Alcove Audio - It's not for commercial use, it's just a personal project for something to do in the summer. Credit will be given etc... I'm not entering it into competitions or anything. I've done this a few times before with no issues
 
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I feel like he should google it, see that she died in an article on the Internet, realize his dream was the scene of her death, and go back again and save her. Then, googling her name again after waking up, he can't find the article. A smile crosses his face as the song and camera fade out
 
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The way you make people cry and say "That was beautiful" is the similar to how you make people laugh, for feel scared. The easiest way to do it is to hire an A list director like James Cameron.

If you can't afford an A list director, then it's up to you to figure it out. There are no paint by numbers methods, connect the dots, no cheap tricks or smoke and mirrors or cool ass software to do it for you. You're the artist, you are on your own -- and that's the challenge and wherein you'll find all the fun and satisfaction of filmmaking.
 
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Brianluce - I would be writing and directing, but I'm quite the amateur, basically a bored kid who wants something to do when music gets repetitive and people get flaky. Just thought I'd ask for some advice; though what you've said certainly does count. Thank you :)

Kinglis - Okay, why don't you buy this story no matter how I try to "save" it?
 
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Comikkaze said:
I feel like he should google it, see that she died in an article on the Internet, realize his dream was the scene of her death, and go back again and save her. Then, googling her name again after waking up, he can't find the article. A smile crosses his face as the song and camera fade out
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That's a really interesting spin too. It changes up the story, and I like it. However my only issue with it is that there's way too many feature films that I've seen where the protagonist can go back in time so he changes the future. If he went back and saved her then it would be too much like "The Jacket" for example. But I might incorporate a bit more of a twist like that too.
 
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threeplusnine said:
Brianluce - I would be writing and directing, but I'm quite the amateur, basically a bored kid who wants something to do when music gets repetitive and people get flaky. Just thought I'd ask for some advice; though what you've said certainly does count. Thank you :)

Kinglis - Okay, why don't you buy this story no matter how I try to "save" it?
Click to expand...


No one can tell you a trick for making magic.

Amateurs and Noobs can hit it out of the park. Jump in! With both feet!
 
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threeplusnine said:
That's a really interesting spin too. It changes up the story, and I like it. However my only issue with it is that there's way too many feature films that I've seen where the protagonist can go back in time so he changes the future. If he went back and saved her then it would be too much like "The Jacket" for example. But I might incorporate a bit more of a twist like that too.
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No I think I might have a better idea, (feel free to disagree lol) but I like the idea of him realizing that it was her death that he saw in his dream, he is in love with the girl so he goes back to save her. After beating her to the accident and saving her or preventing it, he and the girl exchange a few words: Girl says "I love you" and he slowly starts fading saying, "I'll be back for you" and then that's when he wakes up. Depending on the length of the song he could go back to the internet article and see that she is in fact still dead but instead of being upset again, he now accepts it silently knowing that he can be with her in his dreams. The audience will have to use their hearts and brains to see the ending for what it really is but done well, it could work :yes:
 
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Comikkaze said:
No I think I might have a better idea, (feel free to disagree lol) but I like the idea of him realizing that it was her death that he saw in his dream, he is in love with the girl so he goes back to save her. After beating her to the accident and saving her or preventing it, he and the girl exchange a few words: Girl says "I love you" and he slowly starts fading saying, "I'll be back for you" and then that's when he wakes up. Depending on the length of the song he could go back to the internet article and see that she is in fact still dead but instead of being upset again, he now accepts it silently knowing that he can be with her in his dreams. The audience will have to use their hearts and brains to see the ending for what it really is but done well, it could work :yes:
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That's good too :)

I've changed up the ending a lot.

He fails to lucid dream a few times, and at the end.. well here's the rough script:


Closes eyes again. REM Sleep again...
He sees her, she sees him, they smile at each other
They touch hands and embrace
He says, "I missed you so much... I'm so sorry."
She says, "It was an accident." and smiles.
close up on their faces ^
They hold hands, he leads her to the car.
He opens the door for her, lets her in.
He sits down in the car and they smile at each other.
He turns the key, revs the engine.
BLACK.
Car screech sound.
Roll credits


So it's left unsure whether they both died or not. Earlier when he failed, he also said "I'm so sorry" and tries to lucid dream again. It's implied that he was in the accident with her
 
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Sounds like a good ending. Depending on how it leads to it, it would be really emotional. Kind of pulling a Remember Me ending where the main character dies as the movie ends. Kind of randomly but when you realize what happens you are left wanting to just cry and cry
 
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There was a sci-fi story by George RR Martin I read many years ago called "For A Single Yesterday". Sort of post-apocalyptic commune. Guy pining over his lost love. There's a drug that takes people's consciousness back in time, so he becomes addicted to it, travelling back to when they were together. He eventually intentionally ODs on it, so he can spend the rest of his life in that one moment with her. Foggy on the details, but this sort of reminds me of that.

The power (and beauty) in that is his sacrifice. So what does he give up in order to be with her in his dreams? Again, hard to do in a short, but most romance stories involve a bit of personal sacrifice. That's what makes it "real".

As an aside, what song are you using? I know a fair bit of post-rock, and a huge GYBE fan so I've sort of been mentally picturing BBF3 (from Slow Riot) as I've been reading this. Anyway, can't wait to see where you go with this!
 
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Don't forget the power of the camera to control our emotions. The first things first, we have to get to know the characters so that we sympathize with them. That's step one. Accomplishing this is part writing, part acting, and part camera work. I'll leave the writing and acting parts up to you, but here's some camera 101 advice for this part.

Wide shots = isolation and distance from the characters. On the other end of the spectrum you've got an extreme close up which = a very intimate relationship between audience and camera. The typical way you 'get to know' a character is to start wide and cut to closer angles as we become more familiar through your writing and your actors' acting.

Once we sympathize with the character then you can take us on an emotional roller coaster, if you wanted to.
 
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JoshL said:
There was a sci-fi story by George RR Martin I read many years ago called "For A Single Yesterday". Sort of post-apocalyptic commune. Guy pining over his lost love. There's a drug that takes people's consciousness back in time, so he becomes addicted to it, travelling back to when they were together. He eventually intentionally ODs on it, so he can spend the rest of his life in that one moment with her. Foggy on the details, but this sort of reminds me of that.

The power (and beauty) in that is his sacrifice. So what does he give up in order to be with her in his dreams? Again, hard to do in a short, but most romance stories involve a bit of personal sacrifice. That's what makes it "real".

As an aside, what song are you using? I know a fair bit of post-rock, and a huge GYBE fan so I've sort of been mentally picturing BBF3 (from Slow Riot) as I've been reading this. Anyway, can't wait to see where you go with this!
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Thanks for your input!
i love GY!BE :)
The song I am using is "Silent Flight, Sleeping Dawn" by MONO.
 
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As an audience member, I HATE when filmmakers try to FORCE ME to feel an emotion that isn't genuinely there to begin with. Use the tricks at the risk of losing your audience. :grumpy: If your story isn't strong enough to carry the emotion, then trying camera and audio tricks falls flat. My $0.02.
 
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FantasySciFi said:
As an audience member, I HATE when filmmakers try to FORCE ME to feel an emotion that isn't genuinely there to begin with. Use the tricks at the risk of losing your audience. :grumpy: If your story isn't strong enough to carry the emotion, then trying camera and audio tricks falls flat. My $0.02.
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They aren't tricks. And of course you need a great story. But just try making a film with a great story and have your character's intense monologue/emotional reveal filmed in a wide or even medium shot. There will be no emotion. Just look at the King's Cross scene in the new Harry Potter...
 
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