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watch My first SHORT NARRATIVE FILM (Comedy)

T

thebman

Hey guys, so this is the first short film I've ever made. It's a comedy... I actually finished it about a year ago, but kept it offline as I was traveling around doing the festival thing with it. I'm damn proud of it, as there were some really devastating and hard obstacles to overcome

This movie took over a year to shoot alone...Only 3 weeks into production, while in the middle of a shot, our lead actress Alexandra collapsed and was rushed to the hospital, she was diagnosed with a very serious spinal cancer. Over the course of the next year she underwent every horror expected, including chemo... but through it all stayed committed to finishing the film, using it as an outlet to distract her from the day to day issues in her life. Yes she lost lots of weight, and yes, she lost all of her hair. Luckily her uncle, a professional wig maker, created a top notch piece that looked nearly identical to her real hair... Yes you can probably notice which shots use the wig and which don't, but honestly, I'm proud of her for the whole endevour. She was willing to put herself on camera at a time in her life that she knew she didn't look like herself. For that I will always be greatful. I poured my heart into this over the course of 2 years. While technically speaking I was really limited with the equipment I had to use, I did my best to make due.

I hope anyone that watches this enjoys a few laughs, and appreciation for the hard work it took.

I hope you all enjoy it, and remember: FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAjDFGqsKPc
 
thebman said:
Hey guys, so this is the first short film I've ever made. It's a comedy... I actually finished it about a year ago, but kept it offline as I was traveling around doing the festival thing with it. I'm damn proud of it, as there were some really devastating and hard obstacles to overcome

This movie took over a year to shoot alone...Only 3 weeks into production, while in the middle of a shot, our lead actress Alexandra collapsed and was rushed to the hospital, she was diagnosed with a very serious spinal cancer. Over the course of the next year she underwent every horror expected, including chemo... but through it all stayed committed to finishing the film, using it as an outlet to distract her from the day to day issues in her life. Yes she lost lots of weight, and yes, she lost all of her hair. Luckily her uncle, a professional wig maker, created a top notch piece that looked nearly identical to her real hair... Yes you can probably notice which shots use the wig and which don't, but honestly, I'm proud of her for the whole endevour. She was willing to put herself on camera at a time in her life that she knew she didn't look like herself. For that I will always be greatful. I poured my heart into this over the course of 2 years. While technically speaking I was really limited with the equipment I had to use, I did my best to make due.

I hope anyone that watches this enjoys a few laughs, and appreciation for the hard work it took.

I hope you all enjoy it, and remember: FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAjDFGqsKPc
Click to expand...

Firstly, well done on completing a short through some horrible circumstances. I always think that completing a short is tough enough without all the extra issues you had. It had a good intro / beginning and within the short I smiled and even laughed a few times.

To understand who is critiquing you, I've made a couple of shorts, a few music vids etc... but am just like you - an amateur film maker, just with a couple more shorts under my belt. This is the kind of stuff I've been shooting:

https://vimeo.com/paulrwalker/review/84971935/ccf932163f - my last music vid
https://vimeo.com/paulrwalker/review/65203591/040e0a533b - my last short

Firstly, you lead actress has potential. She is engaging, has a degree of expressiveness and I'd use her for one of my shorts. However, I did not engage at all with your lead actor.

However, the key element is you could've cut more than 15 minutes off that and had a good short. It would've been punchier, the funny lines would've been closer together and the whole thing would've worked better.

Just my $0.02
 
Last edited:
thanks for the feedback... I agree it was probably a bit too long looking back now. I'm involved on a handful of new projects now, all of which are under 5 minutes. That short was sort of an experiment whether or not I could construct a coherent story long story... so I can't really see myself going back at this point to really tear it down... but I will absolutely take that advice from here on...and yeah, she really is a greatly natural actress... thanks for the input...

...not gonna lie... kinda shocked that out of 130ish people to view this post only ONE had something to say... I was hoping to take away a few outside opinions here, oh well... I suppose that means I need to go make something better to get some opinions from the lot of ya lol -
 
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