That's a very good student short, well done!
OK then: It's a real shame! You've obviously put a lot of time and effort into the look of your short and by and large it looks like a professional piece of work: There's a lot of attention to detail in the production design, edits, angles, etc., all of which give your short a good flow and the plot twist converts your short from an exercise into a story. So far so good but unfortunately, the same attention do detail has not been put into the sound. The Foley and SFX are a little inconsistent but this is a relatively minor detail/weakness, a far more serious weakness is the narration.
Humans are incredibly sensitive to the quality of sounds, to subtle nuances in the tonal characteristics of sounds, which provide us with a great deal of information, both consciously and subconsciously. Car makers for example, spend small fortunes making sure the doors and switch-gear on their cars "sound" suitably expensive, not to mention the tuning of their exhaust systems to create the desired sound for the engine. When it comes to the human voice, we are even more attuned to the subtle nuances of sound. The pronunciation, diction, intonation and other tonal variables of speech not only give us obvious information such as gender and rough age of the speaker but also their demographic, mood, intentions, motivations and also an insight into other aspects of their personality. As filmmakers we not only need a particularly good understanding of these issues but the ability to actually employ that understanding and pay at least as much attention to the fine details of sound (and the sound of speech) because we have only pictures and sound!
The most obvious problem with your short is the narration. The narrator describes himself as extraordinary, different from ordinary people in his attention to fine detail, his level of control, meticulous to the point of obsession in every aspect of his life. The sonic/tonal characteristics of the narrator's voice though contradicts ALL of this! It's the voice of an ordinary lower-middle class young man, whose sloppy contractions and trying too hard with the pronunciation/intonation indicates someone pretending to be something they are not. It indicates someone who lacks meticulous attention to detail, someone who lacks control and is ordinary. All of which is pretty much the exact opposite of the character the narrator is trying to portray!
You have demonstrated an understanding, use, attention to detail, time and effort in your visuals which indicate a level at, or close to, professional standards but your demonstrated lack of understanding and attention to detail with sound, indicates an amateur. Overall therefore, what could have been a professional standard short has been reduced to just a good student short. Of course, that's still an achievement to be very proud of but it's also a bit of a shame.
If you're aiming to just be a cinematographer, then none of the above is particularly important, except as useful background info to give you a broader understanding but if you want to be a director and/or to make your own shorts/films then the above is vitally important. Focusing your attention on image capture and the visuals, while neglecting an equivalent level of knowledge and skill with the sound side of filmmaking will always limit you to the level of an amateur, albeit to the higher end of the amateur spectrum.
G