watch Merry Christmas INDIETALK.- Taking down the Terrorists.- Short film

[Sam K]

Hey Guys,
Merry Christmas.
I've tried very hard to get a video up for everyone on Christmas eve, but just couldn't make it so I did it on Chrismas day here is the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-yTN9DyDBA
Now before Telling me how bad it is, remember this is a present for every single one of you ( so be nice). LoL No that's not my point my point is: Check out my two first short films and tell me if I've progressed. IF I have tell me in what aspects. If I haven't tell me in what aspects.
Be Constructive Enjoy my video AND MERRY CHRISTMAS.
( PS: I know the helicopter was real bad.)

 

[Ernest Worthing]

That was amusing!

Merry Xmas to you as well!

Are you the guy with the video about the poker game and guns? If so, you guys really love your guns dont u?

 

[Sam K]

Haha yeah they were both mine =p

 

[Cracker Funk]

Dude, I can't tell what's going on here. I don't even know who the good-guys or bad-guys are. I know you think you just wanna make gunfight movies, but even a simple gunfight is completely devoid of any meaning if we don't have a tiny semblance of a story. We need characters, and story. Something. Without that, you're just making After Effects show-reels.

 

[Sam K]

A couple of people have told me the same thing as you.
Most of them easily understood what was going on.
I suppose though I've got to focus on the people that don't understand. Maybe it seems obvious to me because I know my story but you guys see it as a load of nonsense.
I had the impression I had the semblance of a story: Mission introduction you gotta go save one of our guys he is kept in this safehouse, then it goes to the safehouse where the hostage is getting beaten up, goes to a view outside where we see him yelling, one of the guards gets shot the fight starts, he shoots an other guard gets to the house more guards come he shoots more, the guy torturing the hostage tries to get a radio signal from guards and nothing happens so he sends someone out, who also gets shot, so he grabs the radio and says something, and then gets his gun out to shoot the hostage but at that moment gets shot. The guy on the other side of the Walky Talky line hears that so prepares to leave. He gets to the house shoots one of the guys down get's shot. Later a helicopter arrives, and the hostage is taking the good guy who got shot out, mission success.

But maybe The problem is not the story but my capability to tell it.
I've got myself a few books for christmas which I'll be reading to try and improve my understanding of what I'm doing wrong.

Cause I agree, this didn't turn out quite like I thought it would...

Other than " you need a story" is there anything you'd like to add to help me in "having a story" for next time?

Thanks for the feedback.

 

[jrsmithson]

I understand your difficulty with story. I tried writing my first script and realized it had no story at all! A lot of people on this discussion board (and other places on the net) quote Mamet when addressing story. Here's a chunk of text I found on the net about story:

During an interview, David Mamet once said that drama is about three things:

Who wants what from whom?
What happens when you get there?
Why now?
Mamet also believes that there is no such thing as character development. There is only action and the characters’ reactions. Mamet’s dramas may not always be driven by constant twists and turns in plot, but each of his dramatic works offers a captivating and ever-increasing conflict.

So maybe it would help to incorporate some more plot twists into the story to keep it from being contrived. Just an idea, I'm still working on it myself!