indiegogo pitch feedback
- Thread starter wheatgrinder
- Start date
You could make that into part of the joke though. Just as you get going with your pitch, the town is over and you need to turn around and start over. Trying to do it faster each time, but you always have more talking than there is town.
You could make that into part of the joke though. Just as you get going with your pitch, the town is over and you need to turn around and start over. Trying to do it faster each time, but you always have more talking than there is town.
Could be fun & funny.
I thought YOU had a hot rod! Or at least friendly favor access to one.
Rats.
That does complicate things.
Do you guys have those pulpy little "Car Trader"-like magazines at the gas stations?
Someone might "rent" one to you for a day or two for just a walk on part in the short.
At worst, cash or a youtube ad for his/car (Ahem. Diversification opportunity there).
Three building town IS a small town.
Might need to go location touring.
Even Franken-location the whole shoot.
Oh! Hey! Isn't your gig the one with the bar/store with the guy with the overalls out front in the picture?
Shoot the campaign promo there.
Maybe the hot rod owner will do it for lunch with a entrepreneurial director/producer!
"Please support HOT ROD so that we can afford a bigger town".
Rats.
That does complicate things.
Do you guys have those pulpy little "Car Trader"-like magazines at the gas stations?
Someone might "rent" one to you for a day or two for just a walk on part in the short.
At worst, cash or a youtube ad for his/car (Ahem. Diversification opportunity there).
Three building town IS a small town.
Might need to go location touring.
Even Franken-location the whole shoot.
Oh! Hey! Isn't your gig the one with the bar/store with the guy with the overalls out front in the picture?
Shoot the campaign promo there.
Maybe the hot rod owner will do it for lunch with a entrepreneurial director/producer!
Oh, man. That'd be golden.You could make that into part of the joke though. Just as you get going with your pitch, the town is over and you need to turn around and start over. Trying to do it faster each time, but you always have more talking than there is town.
"Please support HOT ROD so that we can afford a bigger town".
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Oh, man. That'd be golden.
"Please support HOT ROD so that we can afford a bigger town". "We need a bigger boat."
haha. And Wheat needs to drive as slooowww as possible through the town so he can fit in the whole pitch.
always enjoy riffing on these IT ideas, whether or not it's practical to produce or relevant. just fun to imagine these things.
"Please support HOT ROD so that we can afford a bigger town".
"We need a bigger boat."haha. And Wheat needs to drive as slooowww as possible through the town so he can fit in the whole pitch.
always enjoy riffing on these IT ideas, whether or not it's practical to produce or relevant. just fun to imagine these things.
I do have access to a hot rod, its just that I don't want to tax that resource just yet, were talking a $70K collectors quality piece, you don't just ask to burrow the keys for a quick run about the village.
Finally got a chance to check them out. I've just noticed you'll post a second, so this might be a long one. I'll comment on elements that will apply to both.
Pitch One
The setting is ideal. It has 'production value'. It's warm, inviting. Perfect.
Introduction
Introducing the pitch with mentioning your previous work is always a gamble - Doing this you unintentionally give that project more importance than what it is you're pitching. It's become the supporting act. I'm immediately (because I'm yet to see the film) interested in seeing this finished movie with my intentions of donating relying purely on my judgement of your work.
I would advise this to be included in the introduction if there was a relative catalogue of work. But because it's just the one, it's fought for attention and creeped up the winner in the first ten seconds.
This does happen. It's the reassurance to your audience which is everything you want to do when you're sat before a camera alone.
The simple remedy is to find the right moment. A link (perhaps with a crew member who's worked on both)
'We've got Graham Stein, a fantastic Sound Designer who I've worked with on previous occassions/on our last project... (insert stills from set/clip from film'
Give THIS project, the project that you are pitching your full attention.
Visuals
I've said this before, but a crowdfunding campaign has to be the point that you can't possibly do anymore. What I mean by this is everything has to be in place. There's no more location scouting. No more casting. This has to feel (to your audience) like this is alive. This movie is moments from being made.
Visuals of secured Cast/their previous work - Help to bring your Characters to life and the audience put 'faces' to the story.
Visuals of (Exciting) crew members previous work/Behind the scenes - This is so, so important. 'Set Life' is something that both people inside and outside of the profession appreciate. They admire that 'free' and 'fun' essence of creating something that is merely perceived as a pipe dream. Seeing real people doing that is priceless to donators. It's real. This is attainable, and we want you to be apart of that. It gets folk excited to be apart of it. That's crucial.
Visuals - Concept Art/Extracts from Storyboard - This is all for your story. You've sold yourself and your crew (will bring matter of crew up later on) and now it's time to shut up shop. This brings the story to life. Every visual. The main characters. A key moment. Whatever is most impressive from a visual sense. It helps show people what it is they're donating to. It's going to be a long time before they see the finished product so it's a very necessary helping hand.
As ever my example, the campaign which utilised this technique very well is 'I Have Your Heart'
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/jimbatt/i-have-your-heart-a-short-animated-film?ref=spotlight
All of the above will break up the 'talking head'.
DETAILS. We need to know that OUR donation matters
Dismissing to elaborate in the video pitch on what/where exactly our contributions will go will immediately deter donators. The written pitch and video pitch have to compliment eachother. There are so many who watch the video but don't read the written, and vice versa. They're just as important. They need to be treated equally.
From my standpoint. I don't feel right now as though my donation is important. I don't know where it's going and I don't trust it because I haven't heard YOU say it. You haven't made the investment important. You're our only lifeline to this project and you may have said you need our help, but you haven't given us any reassurance as to why you need it.
You also have to remember that alot of referrals/shares come from the video being embedded. Not everyone will have the luxury of reading the written pitch. They have to be equally as important.
Also, just a point worth mulling over that alot of people are not aware of Kickstarter. They could click the link on any of the social media website but have no idea what it is. Give Kickstarter a few seconds of your time with something like...
'We're trying to raise X through Kickstarter. Kickstarter is...'
PERKS
It's all about giving. It's about what YOU can do for your donators. Put yourself out there. Not mentioning the perks means they're not worthwhile. Get people excited about what they get in return.
One man team
I mentioned above that I'd come back to speaking about the crew element. You are a genuine and intriguing guy. People are going to warm to you. But right now, it looks as though you're doing it all on your own. No cast, no crew. Your crew/cast are your family. People need to see that. They need to be able to relate to the atmosphere.
Music has already been spoken about.
Overall, if the above was taken into consideration, for me the first approach (standing) would be more favorable. The latter would become somewhat congested with the new ammendmants.
Best of luck!
Pitch One
The setting is ideal. It has 'production value'. It's warm, inviting. Perfect.
Introduction
Introducing the pitch with mentioning your previous work is always a gamble - Doing this you unintentionally give that project more importance than what it is you're pitching. It's become the supporting act. I'm immediately (because I'm yet to see the film) interested in seeing this finished movie with my intentions of donating relying purely on my judgement of your work.
I would advise this to be included in the introduction if there was a relative catalogue of work. But because it's just the one, it's fought for attention and creeped up the winner in the first ten seconds.
This does happen. It's the reassurance to your audience which is everything you want to do when you're sat before a camera alone.
The simple remedy is to find the right moment. A link (perhaps with a crew member who's worked on both)
'We've got Graham Stein, a fantastic Sound Designer who I've worked with on previous occassions/on our last project... (insert stills from set/clip from film'
Give THIS project, the project that you are pitching your full attention.
Visuals
I've said this before, but a crowdfunding campaign has to be the point that you can't possibly do anymore. What I mean by this is everything has to be in place. There's no more location scouting. No more casting. This has to feel (to your audience) like this is alive. This movie is moments from being made.
Visuals of secured Cast/their previous work - Help to bring your Characters to life and the audience put 'faces' to the story.
Visuals of (Exciting) crew members previous work/Behind the scenes - This is so, so important. 'Set Life' is something that both people inside and outside of the profession appreciate. They admire that 'free' and 'fun' essence of creating something that is merely perceived as a pipe dream. Seeing real people doing that is priceless to donators. It's real. This is attainable, and we want you to be apart of that. It gets folk excited to be apart of it. That's crucial.
Visuals - Concept Art/Extracts from Storyboard - This is all for your story. You've sold yourself and your crew (will bring matter of crew up later on) and now it's time to shut up shop. This brings the story to life. Every visual. The main characters. A key moment. Whatever is most impressive from a visual sense. It helps show people what it is they're donating to. It's going to be a long time before they see the finished product so it's a very necessary helping hand.
As ever my example, the campaign which utilised this technique very well is 'I Have Your Heart'
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/jimbatt/i-have-your-heart-a-short-animated-film?ref=spotlight
All of the above will break up the 'talking head'.
DETAILS. We need to know that OUR donation matters
Dismissing to elaborate in the video pitch on what/where exactly our contributions will go will immediately deter donators. The written pitch and video pitch have to compliment eachother. There are so many who watch the video but don't read the written, and vice versa. They're just as important. They need to be treated equally.
From my standpoint. I don't feel right now as though my donation is important. I don't know where it's going and I don't trust it because I haven't heard YOU say it. You haven't made the investment important. You're our only lifeline to this project and you may have said you need our help, but you haven't given us any reassurance as to why you need it.
You also have to remember that alot of referrals/shares come from the video being embedded. Not everyone will have the luxury of reading the written pitch. They have to be equally as important.
Also, just a point worth mulling over that alot of people are not aware of Kickstarter. They could click the link on any of the social media website but have no idea what it is. Give Kickstarter a few seconds of your time with something like...
'We're trying to raise X through Kickstarter. Kickstarter is...'
PERKS
It's all about giving. It's about what YOU can do for your donators. Put yourself out there. Not mentioning the perks means they're not worthwhile. Get people excited about what they get in return.
One man team
I mentioned above that I'd come back to speaking about the crew element. You are a genuine and intriguing guy. People are going to warm to you. But right now, it looks as though you're doing it all on your own. No cast, no crew. Your crew/cast are your family. People need to see that. They need to be able to relate to the atmosphere.
Music has already been spoken about.
Overall, if the above was taken into consideration, for me the first approach (standing) would be more favorable. The latter would become somewhat congested with the new ammendmants.
Best of luck!
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Just saw the 2nd video - definitely improved the delivery and it looks like you're a lot more relaxed...
Channelling a bit of Hugh Hefner there as well!
Anyway, Paper has some great points that I think you should really take into consideration.
A few of them are still relevant even with the 2nd video out there. I think it's still lacking the join between donating and making the movie.
For example; the summary is great, it sounds like an interesting story... but then you launch straight into talking about giving you money. Errr, for what?
I reckon focus on tweaking that bit to give what Paper was talking about - making the audience feel that this project isn't just a pipedream and you're not just going to Bait and Switch
For example:
"the characters in Hot Rod drive that woman's natural suspicion ... blah blah blah... so here's where you guys come in! *spiel about how your wife and children (?) have been begging for hand outs because you've spent the monthly budget on a new follow focus kit and you NEED that money!*"
If I was going to throw money your way, I want to:
1.) Know that it's actually going to produce something (probably most important to me!)
2.) Know what it's needed for.
You've kind of addressed the two points, but you haven't really driven it home, per se.
Anyway, HUGE improvement over the original one.
Let's see if we can't push you for something even better
Channelling a bit of Hugh Hefner there as well!
Anyway, Paper has some great points that I think you should really take into consideration.
A few of them are still relevant even with the 2nd video out there. I think it's still lacking the join between donating and making the movie.
For example; the summary is great, it sounds like an interesting story... but then you launch straight into talking about giving you money. Errr, for what?
I reckon focus on tweaking that bit to give what Paper was talking about - making the audience feel that this project isn't just a pipedream and you're not just going to Bait and Switch
For example:
"the characters in Hot Rod drive that woman's natural suspicion ... blah blah blah... so here's where you guys come in! *spiel about how your wife and children (?) have been begging for hand outs because you've spent the monthly budget on a new follow focus kit and you NEED that money!*"
If I was going to throw money your way, I want to:
1.) Know that it's actually going to produce something (probably most important to me!)
2.) Know what it's needed for.
You've kind of addressed the two points, but you haven't really driven it home, per se.
Anyway, HUGE improvement over the original one.
Let's see if we can't push you for something even better
I'm not saying this to be mean, and it's our responsibility to push our own campaigns. But, you and I don't belong in front of the camera. That' why I made the trippy video. So you literally can't see my face. My voice is still pretty bad.It's exactly the same I'm sorry to say. It just doesn't work. We're stiff, stutter and firmly look uncomfortable. The only people that will watch are our friends, and I have none.
You should consider putting an actor that's going to be in your movie (or one that you know) to do the pitch. We're behind the scenes folks. It's our curse and our blessing.
You should consider putting an actor that's going to be in your movie (or one that you know) to do the pitch. We're behind the scenes folks. It's our curse and our blessing.
You are being mean, and your projecting your low self esteem issues. Hows that for payback .. lol.
!!!!!!!I laughed, hysterically, watching the 2nd one. That sense of humor, combined with the technical expertise shown in "Power Up" will surely win some hearts over. In my opinion, you've got your pitch!
sinner, wheat has friends. They will watch, and they will tell their friends to watch.
I like the second version much better than the first. Way to step up your game and get creative. I like that you're playing with music and your look/image. It was much more fun.
Some of the edits are a little jarring, and I don't think anyone wants to be jarred into giving money. I had a feeling at the beginning that you were talking fast just for the sake of talking fast. You seem much more comfortable this time around, but it felt a little steam-rollery.
Maybe you want to do something different and start by saying you've made a few version of this pitch already, and that you don't feel really comfortable on camera - then show a few quick clips from both of these videos, closing with a shot of the preacher and elvis delivery, and then go into your pitch.
If you engage in some self-deprecating humor, people will warm to you. Mention how you have great actors, and being in front of the camera and then having to edit yourself, you know how important they are. Don't go overboard on putting yourself down, but, maybe play with it a little...?
Do you have a cast? Headshots might be cool to hold up or edit in.
Good luck! Just funded a Kickstarter project myself, for a play I'm producing. The video can really add a lot to the project.
gelder
P.S. If you go with this version, "Pretty" is misspelled.
P.S.S. You know what? Unless it helps you in any way, forget most of what I said above. I watched it again and it's pretty good. It would totally work. I think I'd take the music down a little, or up your volume. But, since it's mostly friends and family who will give, they'll probably enjoy the different characters and stuff, especially from you (I'm guessing you don't do a preacher character all the time around the family). They're your audience, and they'll enjoy it. Again, good luck!
Some of the edits are a little jarring, and I don't think anyone wants to be jarred into giving money. I had a feeling at the beginning that you were talking fast just for the sake of talking fast. You seem much more comfortable this time around, but it felt a little steam-rollery.
Maybe you want to do something different and start by saying you've made a few version of this pitch already, and that you don't feel really comfortable on camera - then show a few quick clips from both of these videos, closing with a shot of the preacher and elvis delivery, and then go into your pitch.
If you engage in some self-deprecating humor, people will warm to you. Mention how you have great actors, and being in front of the camera and then having to edit yourself, you know how important they are. Don't go overboard on putting yourself down, but, maybe play with it a little...?
Do you have a cast? Headshots might be cool to hold up or edit in.
Good luck! Just funded a Kickstarter project myself, for a play I'm producing. The video can really add a lot to the project.
gelder
P.S. If you go with this version, "Pretty" is misspelled.
P.S.S. You know what? Unless it helps you in any way, forget most of what I said above. I watched it again and it's pretty good. It would totally work. I think I'd take the music down a little, or up your volume. But, since it's mostly friends and family who will give, they'll probably enjoy the different characters and stuff, especially from you (I'm guessing you don't do a preacher character all the time around the family). They're your audience, and they'll enjoy it. Again, good luck!
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I much preferred the first one.
It's true, though, that you were a lot more comfortable & looser in the second one.
The first attempt had much better framing, and less jumping around. It felt like a one-on-one conversation, as opposed to the televangelist-like & used-car salesman appeal that permeates the second one. The first one just felt "honest", though you could have been a bit more relaxed.
Just my 2 cents, anyway.
Btw, 2nd one has a typo at "Prety Woman" overlay. Just sayin', in case you keep that one.
It's true, though, that you were a lot more comfortable & looser in the second one.
The first attempt had much better framing, and less jumping around. It felt like a one-on-one conversation, as opposed to the televangelist-like & used-car salesman appeal that permeates the second one. The first one just felt "honest", though you could have been a bit more relaxed.
Just my 2 cents, anyway.
Btw, 2nd one has a typo at "Prety Woman" overlay. Just sayin', in case you keep that one.
I assumed those were both intentional, and I laughed at both of them. Mission accomplished.
The only thing that concerns me with leaving the misspelling, if it was intentional, is that it might turn off the casual friend who doesn't see it as a joke (as neither zen or myself seemed to).
I wouldn't want anyone to mistake an attempt at humor for a lack of professionalism and not give. It probably won't happen - but why take the chance that someone will go, "Oh, he misses stuff like that?" and click it off before they get to the well-produced film after this pitch...?
Purely the money-raising producer in me talking, here.
gelder
I like the second pitch. I think any graphics that pop up onscreen will add production value to your pitch. But I think you're pretty much there. Remember that you can update the video at any time during the pitch if you get a chance to add some footage of the car or of your actors.
SIDE NOTE: I can hear things on my laptop (like my iTunes music) but all videos on the internet have suddenly muted. I have all the settings on so that the sound ought to be coming through and yet it isn't...? Any ideas? Apologies for going slightly off topic.
SIDE NOTE: I can hear things on my laptop (like my iTunes music) but all videos on the internet have suddenly muted. I have all the settings on so that the sound ought to be coming through and yet it isn't...? Any ideas? Apologies for going slightly off topic.
Tanks all...
I think Iv tried enough ideas that I can do the "real" one now.
If I get a break in the weather Ill get some location takes, Im itching to play with the new FD 100mm anyway..
It will be a hybrid, pleas stay tunned.
FlckerPictures,
All your points are great, and thanks so much for the detailed response and analysis. Ill defintealy work in those concepts that apply to my current situation.
Something Im doing a bit different is that Im using this just as much to drive interest and commitment in the project for cast and crew, as I am raising money... Im making this movie, no matter what, the camping donations will let me pay the cast and crew, make it better etc... I do need to sell that aspect in the pitch video somehow....
Thanks
I think Iv tried enough ideas that I can do the "real" one now.
If I get a break in the weather Ill get some location takes, Im itching to play with the new FD 100mm anyway..
It will be a hybrid, pleas stay tunned.
FlckerPictures,
All your points are great, and thanks so much for the detailed response and analysis. Ill defintealy work in those concepts that apply to my current situation.
Something Im doing a bit different is that Im using this just as much to drive interest and commitment in the project for cast and crew, as I am raising money... Im making this movie, no matter what, the camping donations will let me pay the cast and crew, make it better etc... I do need to sell that aspect in the pitch video somehow....
Thanks
Although it may be hard for some to understand and perhaps you might've put it in a way that comes off as mean (even though you pre-faced that it's not to do so), this is why I refused to put myself addressing camera in a staged environment into a Kickstarter video.
I just lack personality in that space, so I used BTS footage from when we were shooting and a V.O. for the second kickstarter video we did, that's the one that pushed us over 15K.
Wheat(Dan?) I don't think your second video is bad, though. In the end, it's hard to say what works and what does not work when videos are concerned, the most important thing is having a network of people whom believe in you enough to part with their money.
The rest is kinda up in the air for adjustments.
Not a bad point here. Guess it's another risk one has to be willing to take, but I think I would react just as you said. Especially as a filmmaker. xD
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Kholi,
cant argue with the 15k success. Do you thin that had your pretty mug been on the screen, that people would NOT have donated?
cant argue with the 15k success. Do you thin that had your pretty mug been on the screen, that people would NOT have donated?