• Wondering which camera, gear, computer, or software to buy? Ask in our Gear Guide.

critique I really need feedback on my screenplay. It's only a few pages

R

Ronin437

Okay so I posted the first version of this screenplay awhile back and it was utterly panned. I went back through and rewrote about 80% of it and honestly think it's much better now but still need feedback. This is the first screenplay I ever wrote so I'm still not entirely sure what I'm doing. Any feedback is appreciated. Don't be afraid to tell me if it's still really bad. Honest feedback, any comments are much appreciated.

Thanks for taking the time to look it over
 
Sort by date Sort by votes
I think this time around we need to know what your plans are for this script... Is it just practice? Do you plan on shooting it yourself? Do plan on submitting to some kind of a competition?

I'm asking these questions because my feedback would be different depending on what you plan on doing with it. For instance, if you're doing this for some kind of practice or eventual submission to some kind of short script competition? You really need to clean it up. Get rid of the typos. Lose most, if not all of the transitions. Tone down the description of the sundaes... A sundae is pretty much a sundae. We get it. There's a lot of overwriting meaning, you don't need nearly as much action and description to portray what you want to portray. Employees dialogue is on-the-nose. Cut it down and make it even more meaningful instead letting it explain everything we've just read.

If however, you plan on making this yourself i.e., shooting it and getting others involved? You can do whatever you like. Leave it as is but at the very minimum, I would clean up the typos.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Unknown Screenwriter said:
I think this time around we need to know what your plans are for this script... Is it just practice? Do you plan on shooting it yourself? Do plan on submitting to some kind of a competition?

I'm asking these questions because my feedback would be different depending on what you plan on doing with it. For instance, if you're doing this for some kind of practice or eventual submission to some kind of short script competition? You really need to clean it up. Get rid of the typos. Lose most, if not all of the transitions. Tone down the description of the sundaes... A sundae is pretty much a sundae. We get it. There's a lot of overwriting meaning, you don't need nearly as much action and description to portray what you want to portray. Employees dialogue is on-the-nose. Cut it down and make it even more meaningful instead letting it explain everything we've just read.

If however, you plan on making this yourself i.e., shooting it and getting others involved? You can do whatever you like. Leave it as is but at the very minimum, I would clean up the typos.
Click to expand...
Just doing it for practice. Could possibly ending
CelticRambler said:
:hmm: I'm not seeing any screenplay - is it gone?
Click to expand...
I'm sorry I've been driving and must've deleted it on accident. Its back now if you still wanna look it over for me
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Unknown Screenwriter said:
I think this time around we need to know what your plans are for this script... Is it just practice? Do you plan on shooting it yourself? Do plan on submitting to some kind of a competition?

I'm asking these questions because my feedback would be different depending on what you plan on doing with it. For instance, if you're doing this for some kind of practice or eventual submission to some kind of short script competition? You really need to clean it up. Get rid of the typos. Lose most, if not all of the transitions. Tone down the description of the sundaes... A sundae is pretty much a sundae. We get it. There's a lot of overwriting meaning, you don't need nearly as much action and description to portray what you want to portray. Employees dialogue is on-the-nose. Cut it down and make it even more meaningful instead letting it explain everything we've just read.

If however, you plan on making this yourself i.e., shooting it and getting others involved? You can do whatever you like. Leave it as is but at the very minimum, I would clean up the typos.
Click to expand...
It's mostly practice but I'd consider shooting it if it amounted to something. Typos are definitely something I'll go back through and fix. I think I overwrote details because people the first time around told me the story wasn't clear. I'll see how I can go about fixing that. Thank you for your feedback
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Just a quick word of very general advice. If your script has a lot of technical errors (I can't tell because I cant find it) you can fix it very quickly and easily, and in fact, you can just do this for all your scripts or writing going forward.

Get a ChatGPT account, it's 20 bucks a month. You can use the free account if you're willing to doublecheck the work.

Now copy paste your script into the chat window of ChatGPT. and add " ---- please fix all spelling and format errors in the preceeding script, studio standard script formatting please"

Then it will just instantly fix everything in 10 seconds, and you'll never have to worry about format and polish as obstacles to success again.

GPT 4, the 20 dollar paid version is superior in most ways, but the free one will definitely at least fix all spelling and punctuation errors.

Hope this is helpful.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top