I need screenwriting advice, FAST!

N

nobudgetfilmmaker

so far in my screenplay, LEON (the main character) has awakened to find himself captured by a group of National Guardsmen who have become highwaymen. After escaping them, he finds a group of people that were sent out to find supplies for a military base (appropriately named Fort Romero). The leader of the group does not seem interested in inviting Leon to join their little scouting party. So Leon warns him not to head west, which is where the Raiders are camped. The leader ignores his advice.
Now, this is where I need some help. I want to keep the story fast and entertaining in order to not bore the viewer (this is going on youtube after all).
I have two ideas of what can happen next. One, Leon finds a safehouse, and soon afterwards lets in what is left of the scouting team (after the leader did not heed Leon's warning and was attacked by the raiders). This leads to an arguement and a changing of leaders. TWO. The scouting team is captured by the raiders, and Leon is contacted by Fort Romero and asked to rescue them (Leon was an agent for the President before the zombie apocalypse).
I don't know which one would be better in terms of keeping the story moving fast, gripping, and entertaining, and need your advice!
 
Leon - captured by NG/HWYmen
Escapes
Finds scavenger/scouting group - leader not interested in Leon
Leon (generously) advises them not to go west - Raiders(/NG/HWYmen?)
Leader of scavenger group goes west anyway.

Option ONE -
Leon holes up, receives remnants of (presumably) butchered scouting party upon return.
Leads to change in their leadership (presumably Leon).

Option TWO -
Scouting team is captured
Leon "asked" to go save their sorry butts - debt



Assuming a standard three act structure, about where along the path is the story when the scouting Leader departs?
ScriptStructure.jpg


And how many minutes long do you intend for a youtube audience to sit down and invest in this?
5 min?
10?
20?
 
I like option 1, and get rid of the back story.

I think it's more interesting and dramatic that Leon may be in over his head.
If we think he may be trained to handle the highwaymen, than we're not as concerned that he's up against them. That and the butchering of the scouting party escalates the danger for whenever we see the highwaymen again. (IE. Drama! Excitement!)

Plus if you lose the back story you don't have to figure out how to present it.. (exposition is usually the antitheses of exciting..)

Also - I can relate to Joe average. I can't relate to Joe trained agent.
 
Assuming a standard three act structure, about where along the path is the story when the scouting Leader departs?

The part where they meet the scouting leader is in the first act. I plan on putting the movie on youtube in 5 minuet parts instead of putting it all on together
 
Then I'll hazard a guesstimation either option I or II will be occurring across at least the first half of Act II and the episode 2 big decision cliffhanger will be right at about the midpoint.

This should give you at least four episodes, possibly five.
Sound about right?
 
rayw said:
Then I'll hazard a guesstimation either option I or II will be occurring across at least the first half of Act II and the episode 2 big decision cliffhanger will be right at about the midpoint.

This should give you at least four episodes, possibly five.
Sound about right?
Click to expand...

yep, that's about right
 
Alright, so now you gotta plan a few steps ahead.

The conclusion of Act II should be when all hope is lost.
For all intrinsic purposes the film is done. Over. Kaput. Your protgonist Leon is f#cked six ways to Sunday. He ain't walking out of this sh!t, head intact.
Put a fork in him.
He's done.

In TOP GUN Maverick has pussed-out and flipped his lid with the self assigned guilt of killing his only friend Goose, he's bailed on school, and his GF has bailed on him.

In A KNIGHTS TALE William is imprisoned, beat, then pilloried in public while being denied entry into the final games to beat Adhemar.

In KUNG FU PANDA Po and Master Shifu have learned the Dragon Scroll is a bust, the city is doomed, all must flee before Tai Lung arrives and surely kills Shiu while Po stands there with no known defence.


What's Leon's darkest point?
Where, when, and why is he gonna be toast?
Now, how the h3ll did he get himself into this effed-up situation?

Reverse engineer from that standpoint and it'll likely lead you to one of your two given options.
God forbid you come up with a third or fourth.


And FWIW, typically hero protagonists (even reluctant ones) need to be the ones ACTIVELY making decisions that affect their fates, meaning that his decision to accept the rescue challenge (option 2) is by nature stronger than him being elected by the slaughtered survivors (option 1), which is more passive.
 
rayw said:
Alright, so now you gotta plan a few steps ahead.

The conclusion of Act II should be when all hope is lost.
For all intrinsic purposes the film is done. Over. Kaput. Your protgonist Leon is f#cked six ways to Sunday. efence.

What's Leon's darkest point?
Where, when, and why is he gonna be toast?
Now, how the h3ll did he get himself into this effed-up situation?

Reverse engineer from that standpoint and it'll likely lead you to one of your two given options.
God forbid you come up with a third or fourth.


And FWIW, typically hero protagonists (even reluctant ones) need to be the ones ACTIVELY making decisions that affect their fates, meaning that his decision to accept the rescue challenge (option 2) is by nature stronger than him being elected by the slaughtered survivors (option 1), which is more passive.
Click to expand...

Well, here is what I am definetly throwing at Leon in the movie:
1) He has been on his own for a while now, surviving day by day
2) In the course of the previous weeks that he has been isloated (unless you're counting the walking dead) Leon's mind is beginning to slip. Leon begins having flashbacks to traumatic moments from his past. (If you've played RE2 or RE4 you know that there are plenty of these) And while he doesn't realize this yet, he's begining to see things. Some of the survivors of the scouting party may not even be real. And the asshole leader of the scoutiong party thinks Leon's crazy(This is not why he didn't want Leon to join them though).
3) Leon is reluctant to lead the scouting party at first, until he finds out that DeHart (the leader) plans to continue searching for the supplies that Fort Romero are not in dire need of even though only three people from the scouting team are still alive.
4) While this goes on, Marshall (the raider leader) sends his men out to search for Leon to avenge the death of his brother (who Leon killed).
5) By the end of act 2 Leon and the others are ambushed by the raiders, and are surrounded. A gunfight begins, and the gunfire attracts zombies that are close by. With nowhere else to go the survivors pull back to a abandoned office building;unknown to them is the fact that the building is an entrence to an Umbrella (the corporation that created the T-virus) lab where biological weapons have broken out.
6) Marshall knows this is the entrence however, and orders his men to block off the doors from outside and make sure no one comes out.
 
nobudgetfilmmaker said:
3) Leon is reluctant to lead the scouting party at first, until he finds out that DeHart (the leader) plans to continue searching for the supplies that Fort Romero are not in dire need of even though only three people from the scouting team are still alive.
Click to expand...
Why does Leon give a rat's @ss what DeHart and this little party of wieners do?
What's his investment to protect or benefit to gain worth putting his life on the line for these people?

And it sounds like you have a decent "everything's AFU" conclusion of Act II leading into a decent Act III. Congratulations.

Now, you can make a hybrid of your original option one and two.

At the beginning of episode II, Act II, Part I:
- DeHart tells Leon "thanks, but no thanks"
- and takes his merry men scouting
- when they begin to get in a tight situation they contact the Fort for assistance
- With no assets nearby, the Fort contacts Leon to request him go assist DeHart et all, which he begrudgingly does to settle a debt or out of honor
- Things are looking pretty dire for DeHart and company.
End episode II on a cliff hanger.

Episode III - Begin Act II, Part II:
- the midpoint of Act II experiences a tragic loss, DeHart's men get their @sses handed to them, Leon en route
- Leon arrives, situation improves when he saves their @sses
- However, DeHart has now lost leadership control of his merry men
- Against etiquette and common sense protocol, the men mutiny against DeHart before asking Leon to lead instead - a momentary happy situation just turned sour
- Initially Leon balks
- But before he can decide to fish or cut bait DeHart moves on him
- Leon and DeHart go toe to toe
- But before they can resolve their issue the raiders break up their little waltz
- Gunfire attracts zombies, a three way battle ensues, everything is AFU
End episode III on unresolved issues and a really AFU situation

Episode IV - Begin Act III
- DeHart/Leon/Merry men get forced by the raiders into the building while both parties also battle the zombies
- Marshall has his men block it off
- Inside a new gun battle with depleted ammunition supplies ensues
- DeHart can either play the noble martyr or get it worse than anyone else

In fact, you could have him targeted by the Umbrella Corp. and get abducted by the zombies before Leon and the survivors get flank-forced into the building before Marshall barricades them in.
Umbrella, intrigued by DeHart's "unique aggressive attributes" can begin their latest phase bio-weapon experiment on him - before letting him lose on Leon and his own former scouting members (which mutinied against him, BTW).

(Alternatively, back in episode III, Act II, Part II Leon and DeHart could actually resolve their issue with DeHart still in the Lead, the two have a come-to-Jesus MOMENT - JUST AS - the raiders come busting in on the bromance.
THEN DeHart gets abducted, Leon becomes leader anyway ("EFFF ME! I didn't really want this responsibility!), they get barricaded, then DeHart Thing starts trying to kill Leon and his no-longer-very-merry-men.
Enemy. Friend. Enemy. Everyone is so emotionally confused.
A real tragedy.

End episode IV.

Possibly begin episode V, Act III, Part II if budgeting allows: DeHart Thing vs. Leon and the no-longer-very-merry-men.

And I'd lose the delusion/hallucination/mental heath aspect entirely.
That sh!t just p!sses off the audience rather than intriguing them (as intended).
"Is he nutty? Or isn't he? Is he? Or isn't he? Is he? Or isn't he?"
"EFFFFFFFFF MEEEEEEE!!!!! No one cares! G! D!"
 
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dlevanchuk said:
mm, love visual breakdowns..
Click to expand...

Me too. It's the only way idiots like me ever learn.

I noticed the RE4 thing, too. Glad I wasn't the only one, and I'm glad the whole point is a fan film. I've seen some great fan films over the years (for all kinds of fandoms), and I hope you can come up with something fun.
 
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Commercially speaking fan films have zero shelf life.
They're stillborn products.
DOA.

Their greatest benefit is cast & crew experience and development.
Consider it an interview process.

The experience is the benefit. Not the product.

Go for it!
 
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Good news is I recently was granted permission by the principle to film at my High School, so my options have opened up a bit more when it comes to what I can write into the movie and have a place to film it.
 
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