Trying to figure out how to write a scene where two characters are hiding behind a couch, whilst two other characters are being interrogated.
Would really appreciate feedback as I'm nearing the end of Act 1 (I'm 22 pages deep on my first draft) and want to ensure I am writing better going forward.
How would I do this? So far I've got something like:
INT. BEHIND THE COUCH - DAY
DAVIS (45) clutches NINA (10) close. She struggles in frustration but her father puts a finger to his lips. We hear the sound of footsteps pounding against the carpet.
INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
The living room is neat. Sat in between the two couches is a table. On the side dresser, a bible. Three figures sit on the couch. Two on the left and one the right. A calendar hangs on the wall. MILGRAM, a man in his fifties, takes off his hazmat helmet and places his helmet on the table. At his side, a small pistol. He smiles at VIVIAN (30) and JAMAL (10) sat opposite on a couch.
INT. BEHIND THE COUCH - DAY
Nina stops struggling and stretches out a pinky with a mischievous grin.
DAVIS
Stop!
Nina closes her fist, staring guiltily.
Jamal's eyes widen as he notices the calendar unhook itself and float.
Furthermore, I've been struggling with writing in a more concise manner in particular, how can I shorten my description of rooms - for instance, in one scene, my main character is working at a receptionist desk of an underground facility and has to take an elevator down after being held at gunpoint:
Here's how I described the setting but I feel like its too wordy/awkward? :
We see a Tyson sat at an empty desk save for a pencil and paper. He glances around - no one else is present save for a CLEANER in hazmat suit spraying down a nearby window. The reception area has an unnatural level of cleanliness and plainness. There are two elevators on either side of the reception area.
Tyson sketches a noughts and crosses grid and tries to stave off his boredom.
Suddenly, the elevator doors open, Milgram and Leon stride out, dressed for another hunt. Milgram walks to the other elevator without skipping a beat barging past the cleaner. Leon slows down his pace as he walks through the reception and waves.
The later scene:
Roxanne drags Tyson along to the elevator.
INT. THE WELL - ELEVATOR - DAY
Awkward elevator music.
Tyson and Roxanne are stood awkwardly. Tyson looks down and Roxanne smirks confidently
Would really appreciate feedback as I'm nearing the end of Act 1 (I'm 22 pages deep on my first draft) and want to ensure I am writing better going forward.
How would I do this? So far I've got something like:
INT. BEHIND THE COUCH - DAY
DAVIS (45) clutches NINA (10) close. She struggles in frustration but her father puts a finger to his lips. We hear the sound of footsteps pounding against the carpet.
INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
The living room is neat. Sat in between the two couches is a table. On the side dresser, a bible. Three figures sit on the couch. Two on the left and one the right. A calendar hangs on the wall. MILGRAM, a man in his fifties, takes off his hazmat helmet and places his helmet on the table. At his side, a small pistol. He smiles at VIVIAN (30) and JAMAL (10) sat opposite on a couch.
INT. BEHIND THE COUCH - DAY
Nina stops struggling and stretches out a pinky with a mischievous grin.
DAVIS
Stop!
Nina closes her fist, staring guiltily.
Jamal's eyes widen as he notices the calendar unhook itself and float.
Furthermore, I've been struggling with writing in a more concise manner in particular, how can I shorten my description of rooms - for instance, in one scene, my main character is working at a receptionist desk of an underground facility and has to take an elevator down after being held at gunpoint:
Here's how I described the setting but I feel like its too wordy/awkward? :
We see a Tyson sat at an empty desk save for a pencil and paper. He glances around - no one else is present save for a CLEANER in hazmat suit spraying down a nearby window. The reception area has an unnatural level of cleanliness and plainness. There are two elevators on either side of the reception area.
Tyson sketches a noughts and crosses grid and tries to stave off his boredom.
Suddenly, the elevator doors open, Milgram and Leon stride out, dressed for another hunt. Milgram walks to the other elevator without skipping a beat barging past the cleaner. Leon slows down his pace as he walks through the reception and waves.
The later scene:
Roxanne drags Tyson along to the elevator.
INT. THE WELL - ELEVATOR - DAY
Awkward elevator music.
Tyson and Roxanne are stood awkwardly. Tyson looks down and Roxanne smirks confidently