Help with a story.

[Lowxposure]

I've posted a request for help writing a short, but that didn't generate a whole lot of interest, so I'll try this. Can somebody help me get from A to B with my story? The short, a comedy/action, will hopefully be about 5 minutes (doesn't HAVE to be). There are some things that I need to establish as backstory and a place I need the character to end up.

-Scott, former military, unemployed, lives in his fathers old trailer house while searching for a job.

-Woman/Man/Person needs him to kill a demon? Why?

-He kills the demon.

-She/He/It hires him to kill the remaining demons?

-He decides to become a monster killer for hire.

I just don't know how to take Scott, a normal guy, and put him in this extraordinary circumstance. Think, Constantine: Origins. Originally I envisioned him writing "Find a job" on a calendar, and then scratching it out after he realizes he can get paid to kill things that he thought did not exist. I just need some suggestions on how to get him there. Any help would be greatly appreciated, and credits will be given*.

*Unless it sucks in which case I promise I will not assign your name to my trash .

 

[that1guyy]

Hmm maybe Scott is former military because he was dishonorably discharged. He claimed to have abandoned his unit because of some "demons" he encountered while on a patrol or something. No one believed him so he was kicked out.

The person who needs someone to kill a demon saw Scott's story in a newspaper?

 

[Lowxposure]

I do like that... I hadn't put much thought into HIS past.

Can you think of another way to show the discharge without a newspaper, and without the person saying "Hey I saw an article and then found you"?

Also I left out the fact that Demons are just one of several monsters I intend to have Scott kill in future shorts.

 

[Lowxposure]

Just thought of this, why would he agree to go hunt Demons if he was dishonorably discharged for the same thing?

Getting a dishonorable is a big deal in the military. It makes you virtually unhirable in the civilian side. McDonalds wouldn't hire you. So if something so negative happens when he sees demons he may be disinclined to see them again. If you smell what I'm cooking.

 

[DirtyPicturesTV]

The woman knows Scott from high school, and knows that he was a Special Op dude who used to hunt terrorists. She used to have a crush on him when he was on the football team, and she was friends with his sister.

She doesn't know that it's a demon who's bothering her, invading her home at night, but calling the cops didn't help because they didn't find anything -- the locks were intact, and whatever mess was caused looks like it was done from inside, so the cops had implied she's nuts.

She simply asks Scott to come and check out her place, maybe spend the night in her living room, because something weird is happening and she doesn't know what. Scott comes over, is packing some heat in the form of a simple pistol. He stays up for a while, but falls asleep in front of the TV.

He woken up by a weird noise, and investigates. Finds the demon rummaging through the kitchen cabinets with a Pop Tart in its mouth. The demon slaps the gun from Scott's hand, and a hand-to-hand fight ensues. Etc.

 

[Lowxposure]

The woman knows Scott from high school, and knows that he was a Special Op dude who used to hunt terrorists. She used to have a crush on him when he was on the football team, and she was friends with his sister.

She doesn't know that it's a demon who's bothering her, invading her home at night, but calling the cops didn't help because they didn't find anything -- the locks were intact, and whatever mess was caused looks like it was done from inside, so the cops had implied she's nuts.

She simply asks Scott to come and check out her place, maybe spend the night in her living room, because something weird is happening and she doesn't know what. Scott comes over, is packing some heat in the form of a simple pistol. He stays up for a while, but falls asleep in front of the TV.

He woken up by a weird noise, and investigates. Finds the demon rummaging through the kitchen cabinets with a Pop Tart in its mouth. The demon slaps the gun from Scott's hand, and a hand-to-hand fight ensues. Etc.

I like this quite a bit. I would drop the sister (he's a loner). This is also his introduction to the world of monster killing. She would have to KNOW that monsters exist, and have information on how to kill them. I do like the idea of a potential love interest.

 

[wheatgrinder]

simplify.. show dont tell..

everyone knows what a want ad looks like and your actors can transmit "SOLDIER" by body language..


INT. OFFICE RECEPTION
SCOTT walks in the front door folded news paper in hand, he briskly walks to the desk and takes a formal "at ease" stance. JULIE, the very attractive receptionists sits behind the desks, she gives him an appraising look:

JULIE
yes???

SCOTT
mam, "Im here about the, uh, .. you know..."

JULIE
pardon me?

Scotts' glance shifts at the paper in his hand, he coughs lightly and...

JULIE
oh?.., Oh... with everything being online these days Id forgotten about that

SCOTT
yes mam, it says your looking for a

Julie cuts him of

JULIE
SHH.. someone might here you.. <chuckle>

Scott looks uncomfortable, Julies eyes twinkle and she gives him a beautiful smile. Scott smiles in return, relaxing his stance a little...

JULIE
At ease soldier, you can go right in, second door on the left just past the candy machine...

Scott turns and walks a few steps, he turns back to look at Julie

SCOTT
um.. miss?


Julie turns her bright smile directly on him, as if expecting him to ask her on a date!
JULIE
yes?

SCOTT
is this for real? I mean .. well, the ad says some pretty strange things..


Julie looks at her watch..

JULIE
tell ya what, my break is in 40 minutes and....

Julie waits for Scott to finish for her.. she gives an exasperated sigh..

JULIE
.. <sigh> .. AND we can talk about it over coffee.. OK?

SCOTT
oh.. well, yes thad be great..its a date.. oh, I mean its not a date its a..uh..

JULIE
stop now why your ahead soldier boy.... Ill see you in a little while ..private ????

SCOTT
actually its Captain, or was, Just call me Scott ok?

JULIE
ok, see you in a little while S C O T T...

 

[Lowxposure]

wheatgrinder, that's good stuff. Unfortunately it's close to my 3rd short idea (It's the one I'm building up to) wherein Scott is hired by an actual company due to an unwelcome squatter on their land.

However, the want ad and the love interest are two ideas I haven't approached yet. It would be natural though. He's searching for a job in the local area, after eliminating all other options he sees an unusual ad. He sighs and dresses up for the interview. Drives to the address to discover an unsightly farm house. Woman appears shaken before Scott arrives, Scott introduces himself and she begins to relax. She is shakey at best with the details, and maybe talks about an ex that is violent, the supposed ex comes to her residence, Scott notices something is very odd about the "man". Scott has no choice but to kill him.

Where to from here? He's solved her problem, but I want there to be a final sequence to suggest a follow up. Maybe him grabbing his weapon of choice (cross maybe) and stepping outside to face a small group of demons. Enter AC-DC esque music, dramatic fire light flickering off Scotts face, his hand clutching tighter on his weapon. Credits.

What ya think?