Gonna write it short.
I don't know what to do with myself. Almost for 10 years I live creating characters, situations, scenes in my head and I have no motivation to write it down on paper.
This whole idea of writing screenplay that was supposed to be a way to find similar people to me to not to feel alone anymore ruined my whole life and lead to loose sense of my personality and identity.
To create attractive and smart characters with interesting lifes I started looking for answers on the Internet regarding religion, beliefs, conspiracy theories, music, sexuality, sexual obsessions, psychology, psychiatry and all that I read about it lead me to self-doubt on every single level.
Like I don't know who I am anymore, what I represent and what I want in my life.
I live a life in different ways-I live in my head, in my story that is going to be in the future a movie (I guess), in church I pretend to be a Christian, but inside I am full of doubts regarding to my faith and I am afraid to loose this whole safety place with love of brothers and sisters and I live at home with my dad without mum that I lost 14 years years ago. I am almost 23 years old now.
Girls in my age think about marriage, children and many different other things, but me... all the time about making come true my fantasy about movie that can never come to reality.
I know almost everything about issues of Western world, but whole this knowledge destroyed my life in my small town among people that have no idea what I have in my head.
I am a nursing student and I saw mentally ill patients at the hospital, but there is not so many issues regarding to personality disorders. I feel like my life is the most complicated life on this earth and I will never meet people who could deeply understand me the way I need it.
I guess crerating inner fantasy world for so many years to solve your problems and in the same time escape from them leads to nowhere.
Is there lots of artists and creators of stories that suffer from mental illness, because of their never ending fantasy about making their characters and inner life alive on the screen?
I don't know what to do with myself. Almost for 10 years I live creating characters, situations, scenes in my head and I have no motivation to write it down on paper.
This whole idea of writing screenplay that was supposed to be a way to find similar people to me to not to feel alone anymore ruined my whole life and lead to loose sense of my personality and identity.
To create attractive and smart characters with interesting lifes I started looking for answers on the Internet regarding religion, beliefs, conspiracy theories, music, sexuality, sexual obsessions, psychology, psychiatry and all that I read about it lead me to self-doubt on every single level.
Like I don't know who I am anymore, what I represent and what I want in my life.
I live a life in different ways-I live in my head, in my story that is going to be in the future a movie (I guess), in church I pretend to be a Christian, but inside I am full of doubts regarding to my faith and I am afraid to loose this whole safety place with love of brothers and sisters and I live at home with my dad without mum that I lost 14 years years ago. I am almost 23 years old now.
Girls in my age think about marriage, children and many different other things, but me... all the time about making come true my fantasy about movie that can never come to reality.
I know almost everything about issues of Western world, but whole this knowledge destroyed my life in my small town among people that have no idea what I have in my head.
I am a nursing student and I saw mentally ill patients at the hospital, but there is not so many issues regarding to personality disorders. I feel like my life is the most complicated life on this earth and I will never meet people who could deeply understand me the way I need it.
I guess crerating inner fantasy world for so many years to solve your problems and in the same time escape from them leads to nowhere.
Is there lots of artists and creators of stories that suffer from mental illness, because of their never ending fantasy about making their characters and inner life alive on the screen?
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