First off? As just a simple short script that one might direct on their own? I think what you have here is fine. I really don't know of any short scripts that get sold as specs. It may happen from time to time on a really low scale but it's not something writers tend to pay their bills with... i.e., it's mainly for fun and again... Probably something they hope to make on their own.
When you make a short OR feature film on your own? With your own money? You can damn well write your screenplay any way you want... There are no rules.
Having said that? You are asking us to shred this to pieces. Hopefully, it's to learn how to step it up a notch especially if you intend to eventually start writing feature specs. If NOT, then maybe we can all learn a little something anyway.
As
@Jkds already pointed out, you definitely have some problems here... I looked at what you've written it as I would look at any feature spec script since you asked us to shred it to pieces.
Right off the bat? You don't give us anything about your master scene location except that it's a coffee shop and that it's morning. Normally? We'd expect a little bit of description of the PERSONALITY of said coffee shop. Is it like a Starbucks? Is it like a little Bohemian place that caters to locals? What kind of vibe does it give off?
Next? You're not Capitalizing the first letter of the words in your sentences. Sound trivial? It may but I know plenty of people in the industry who would look at this first page and toss the script without reading the rest of it just because you're not following basic English sentence structure.
After that? The format is incorrect. To me? It looks as though you have four blank lines under the master scene location heading. Traditional format says either two or three MAX with two being the usual number.
After that, HECTOR has no introduction other than he's just sitting there. You didn't give us even a glimpse of WHO Hector is.
In the same action paragraph, you keep using present progressive verbs i.e., sitting, eating, and eating (again). Here's the deal with present progressive verbs when it comes to screenwriting... When writing a spec screenplay that you intend to eventually send out to the market? It's always BEST to use the PERFECT action verb for a character's action. This may sound like I'm splitting hairs or that I'm being too nitpicky and? This would be true IF this short script was just something you were going to make on your own with some friends. In fact? Had you said anything like that? I wouldn't even chime in on the writing because it just doesn't matter.
When it comes to writing a spec screenplay however, it's best to use the PERFECT or MOST EVOCATIVE action verb for a character's action and actually write that verb using present tense. You've used sitting here but it's best to use sits. You've used eating in this script but it's best to use eats.
The next problem is all the misspelled words you've got in this thing. There's A LOT OF THEM. No offense but if you're going to ask us to look at something you've written, it's polite to rewrite and polish before asking us to take a look. This comes off like a very fast first draft to me and if that's true? It's not really ready for any of us to read. Just running a simple spell check would have made the read a little easier.
I get what you did at the end... Hector wrote the novel that he gave to Victor to read. That's your climax. Victor has no idea Hector wrote it and I imagine Hector was HOPING for a better review from his friend and didn't get it. I think as a short, this could work but it also feels like two heads talking here. Not really a lot going on.
I could keep going on but it would simply be to keep pointing out all the same kinds of problems I've already pointed out so why beat a dead horse.
Let me finish up by saying... I assume this is your first crack at writing any kind of screenplay so for that? I applaud you. You took action. You have a solid idea and you began fleshing it out and even more important? You stood up and shared it with people who can help you improve. I applaud that as well.
Bottom line?
All writing is rewriting. Good luck!