I have no idea what the movie is supposed to be about. Who are the protagonists? The couple? Were they the ones arguing? If so, who is the victim?
Your logline raises way too many questions, and not the ''damn I have to see this movie'' questions, but the ''hold on... what?'' questions.
Also I had to read it 3 times to even comprehend the structure. I know every screenwriting book recommends to avoid overly simple adjectives, but using overly complicated and rare ones is just as bad.
A logline should...:
1.) ...be easy to read and understand. (If you have to stop to spell out words for yourself, it's already bad.)
2.) ...clearly tell us what the central conflict is. (WHY do they have to to repair their relationship? What happens if it's too late? How are they connected to the victim? Did they kill him, or just accidentally caused his death? And who the hell is the victim? Is he important? If not, why does he take up the FIRST half of the logline?
3.) ...establish who the main characters are. (I guess the couple, but we don't even know if they are married or not, let alone their personalities.)
A logline is usually one sentence.
How can one establish who the main characters are, what their personalities
are, who the victim is, what happens if they are too late and how they are
connected to the victim in one sentence?
Can you show us an example of a logline that does all of that?
I'll give you a few examples of good loglines:
The aging patriarch of an organized crime dynasty transfers control of his clandestine empire to his reluctant son.
The lives of two mob hit men, a boxer, a gangster's wife, and a pair of diner bandits intertwine in four tales of violence and redemption.
After living a life marked by coldness, an aging professor is forced to confront the emptiness of his existence.
None of those answer all the questions you pose, Gabe-KC. Perhaps you
are asking too much from a logline.
Zaq - I think it's a fine logline. Clearly people do not understand it so
it fails. I agree with pedramyz; the "clock ticking" element is unusual
so maybe there is something more to this story than you are telling us.
It does not make me interested in seeing it. But that's entirely due to
the relationship repair part. I like that something simple causes something
drastic. Loglines are a bitch, aren't they?
I gotta say I LOVE Quality's take on it. The couple works to fix their
relationship after one kills the other and commits suicide.