Looking for tips on writing tongue-in-cheek comedy

[Christopher Hewitson]

Hello, all! First time posting here. I've been writing a comedy feature, and I had a little question. There are several jokes where the punchline is how bad or awkward the dialogue is. Just as an example: a detective is at a murder scene, there's a number of OBVIOUS clues that point to his best friend as the culprit, but the detective is oblivious. He then announces: "I don't suspect a thing!".

My issue is that the feedback I've gotten in regards to these types of jokes is "show, don't tell". Which I know is good advice, but in this particular instance, it's the fact that the detective does plainly state this dialogue that makes it humorous. Since he never suspected his friend to begin with, there's no reason for him to say that line. It's something that's just completely for the audience. It's intentional. But it clearly didn't read as intentional from the feedback I've gotten.

Is there a particular way to write for a "punch line of the joke is that it's a bad joke" kind of shtick?

 

[Will Vincent]

You could have him break the forth wall.. While it's not usually good to indicate camera angles, etc in a script, in this case it might be ok. Or have someone else in the scene do it.

Detective looks around the crime scene in a bewildered manner.

          DETECTIVE
Well, this all looks normal.

Hero character looks at the camera, rolls eyes.

 

[sfoster]

Chaplin would break the forth wall a lot with his camera looks.