Ever since birth I was abused by my mother. I'm Asian so it's expected but my father left us so she took that anger out on me and escalated usual asian leg whippings or hand punishments. Over the years she would smash the gameboy into my head, hit me in the head with a log from the fireplace, knock me down with a steel stick mop, etc etc. The first time she ever went off from usual beatings, she was beating me with her fists (she's very husky) and I was screaming because this was a pain I had never felt before. And I was 10. So she took off her sock and shoved it in my mouth and continued. Up until 8th grade it was like that. I've had many bruises and they're now all healed and some of the scars have faded away with only one major one remaining. In the summer of 8th grade, my mother disowned me and moved to korea with my sisters and stepdad. So for the next 4 years I've had to live alone, with my stepdad secretly sending me some money to get by.
And last week I arrived in Korea because my mother said that she's now a devout christian who would never hit anyone anymore and so I agreed to come. In a couple hours it would have been one week with my mother and no abuse...but then an hour ago she told me to get ready for church. I told her that I wasn't Christian and that I wasn't for any of the Christian values and that I couldn't bear to step foot in a church. Then, she just exploded on me, calling me the devil, saying that only devils talk and she kept yelling how I never go to the temple or church (which by the way are two separate religions so i don't what she's getting at). This is coming from the woman who NEVER went to church until a year ago.
So finally she came at me and scratched me and then stabbed me in the eye with her finger. Nothing deep or major but enough to make me cry in that eye and go blind for a couple seconds. So I pushed her arms away and punched her in the neck. Now when a 17year old punches a 49year old in the neck, that's like a 1 hit k.o. I promised myself that I would never let her push me around again so I defended myself. And the thing is: I don't feel guilty. I'm just on Skype and FaceBook continuing to talk with my friends and posting this thread here to make sure whether or not I belong in a straight jacket.
And last week I arrived in Korea because my mother said that she's now a devout christian who would never hit anyone anymore and so I agreed to come. In a couple hours it would have been one week with my mother and no abuse...but then an hour ago she told me to get ready for church. I told her that I wasn't Christian and that I wasn't for any of the Christian values and that I couldn't bear to step foot in a church. Then, she just exploded on me, calling me the devil, saying that only devils talk and she kept yelling how I never go to the temple or church (which by the way are two separate religions so i don't what she's getting at). This is coming from the woman who NEVER went to church until a year ago.
So finally she came at me and scratched me and then stabbed me in the eye with her finger. Nothing deep or major but enough to make me cry in that eye and go blind for a couple seconds. So I pushed her arms away and punched her in the neck. Now when a 17year old punches a 49year old in the neck, that's like a 1 hit k.o. I promised myself that I would never let her push me around again so I defended myself. And the thing is: I don't feel guilty. I'm just on Skype and FaceBook continuing to talk with my friends and posting this thread here to make sure whether or not I belong in a straight jacket.