Hey all. This is my horror short. Put it together in three days flat, so it's short. Enjoy.
http://www.jdmarlow.com/onedream.mov
http://www.jdmarlow.com/onedream.mov
-
READ BEFORE POSTING!
- If posting a video, please post HERE, unless it is a video as part of an advertisement and then post it in this section.
- If replying to threads please remember this is the Promotion area and the person posting may not be open to feedback.
watch "One Dream"
- Thread starter jdmarlow
- Start date
The one part where the camera swings back and forth, and then the friend is sitting back worked really well!
Like the way you jump in and out of the dream sequences. Really good angles for the most part. The "Let's try the left hand" didn't really work for me- just seemed like filler... but the knife sequence, when he's pulling the hands works really well..
The only thing I didn't get was... Why would the friend be trying to help him contact the girl?
Like the way you jump in and out of the dream sequences. Really good angles for the most part. The "Let's try the left hand" didn't really work for me- just seemed like filler... but the knife sequence, when he's pulling the hands works really well..
The only thing I didn't get was... Why would the friend be trying to help him contact the girl?
thanks
Thanks to all who have watched and left comments. I'm really looking for real feedback and criticism more than I am looking for a vote, here. I want to know everything that is wrong with what I wrote and made in a very short period of time. I can think of quite a few things myself that I want to explain.
The comment above about the doctor's motives are a real problem in my opinion. Why would this doctor help John to contact his wife if he was the one who killed her? If John's only path to realizing this was through the doctor then that just doesn't make sense, right? Well this is a problem I had in writing the film which is why I decided, in the interest of the time I had to make this, and my ultimate goals for the project, that I would use the premise as a means to giving myself an exercise in execution. I'm a film student at Emerson College in Boston (19 yr old sophomore) and I'm here to learn more about how to make better films and tell better stories. But I also spent all of high school making documentaries, including almost 2 years on one hour-long film dedicated to street performance. I don't have a lot of experience executing a script to the screen. So I focussed on that and I'm happy with the way it came out to that end.
As far as the story goes: I'm a lot less happy and I feel like I have quite a ways to go. I think the story needs a context, even for a short. The characters don't have motivations for any of what they are doing and there is certainly the big contradiction that I pointed out above between the doctor and myself. Something I don't feel like I achieved was a dream-like feeling to identify with my character. The film shifts back and forth but without accomplishing a whole lot, in my opinion. In writing the film, part of my concession to this becoming more of an exercise was the fact that I couldn't decide to go for a dream-like film that screws with the audience's perception of what REALLY is going on, or a straight story the includes dream-like parts. I also really couldn't decide where I wanted that technique to go in terms of the story. Why is my character trying to contact Emily? How did he get to this doctor? MOST IMPORTANTLY, why did the doctor kill Emily and why is he helping me? I would really love to hear how other people feel about the way this story plays out and what would make it into a fuller film with some context and fascination to it. Thanks so much everyone.
-JD
Thanks to all who have watched and left comments. I'm really looking for real feedback and criticism more than I am looking for a vote, here. I want to know everything that is wrong with what I wrote and made in a very short period of time. I can think of quite a few things myself that I want to explain.
The comment above about the doctor's motives are a real problem in my opinion. Why would this doctor help John to contact his wife if he was the one who killed her? If John's only path to realizing this was through the doctor then that just doesn't make sense, right? Well this is a problem I had in writing the film which is why I decided, in the interest of the time I had to make this, and my ultimate goals for the project, that I would use the premise as a means to giving myself an exercise in execution. I'm a film student at Emerson College in Boston (19 yr old sophomore) and I'm here to learn more about how to make better films and tell better stories. But I also spent all of high school making documentaries, including almost 2 years on one hour-long film dedicated to street performance. I don't have a lot of experience executing a script to the screen. So I focussed on that and I'm happy with the way it came out to that end.
As far as the story goes: I'm a lot less happy and I feel like I have quite a ways to go. I think the story needs a context, even for a short. The characters don't have motivations for any of what they are doing and there is certainly the big contradiction that I pointed out above between the doctor and myself. Something I don't feel like I achieved was a dream-like feeling to identify with my character. The film shifts back and forth but without accomplishing a whole lot, in my opinion. In writing the film, part of my concession to this becoming more of an exercise was the fact that I couldn't decide to go for a dream-like film that screws with the audience's perception of what REALLY is going on, or a straight story the includes dream-like parts. I also really couldn't decide where I wanted that technique to go in terms of the story. Why is my character trying to contact Emily? How did he get to this doctor? MOST IMPORTANTLY, why did the doctor kill Emily and why is he helping me? I would really love to hear how other people feel about the way this story plays out and what would make it into a fuller film with some context and fascination to it. Thanks so much everyone.
-JD
I think the film is great! A lot of really good little segments...
looking at your above comments, I think the problem might be one of decsions... A writer/director must be FIRM on thier decsions- you have to make choices and stick by them.
When writing, give each character a reason to be in the story. Keep that reason in mind for every line of dialogue/action that character posesses. Every action/word a character says/does should be a step closer to thier goal.
I love the way this film was shot... the actors were great- all the production elements were there.
The problem is, we never find out what the relationship between the doctor and the patient is... or the relationship between the doctor and girl... we can assume the patient and girl were lovers or good friends... but what does the doctor have to do with that? Why would he kill her?
I was hoping to see an explaination for that in the last few shots, but none was offered. That's pretty much the only flaw that I can really see- the doctor has no purpose for any of his actions!
Other than that, it's almost flawless!
I hope that helps a bit- I'm a little disoriented right now, so I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. Too much coffee....
looking at your above comments, I think the problem might be one of decsions... A writer/director must be FIRM on thier decsions- you have to make choices and stick by them.
When writing, give each character a reason to be in the story. Keep that reason in mind for every line of dialogue/action that character posesses. Every action/word a character says/does should be a step closer to thier goal.
I love the way this film was shot... the actors were great- all the production elements were there.
The problem is, we never find out what the relationship between the doctor and the patient is... or the relationship between the doctor and girl... we can assume the patient and girl were lovers or good friends... but what does the doctor have to do with that? Why would he kill her?
I was hoping to see an explaination for that in the last few shots, but none was offered. That's pretty much the only flaw that I can really see- the doctor has no purpose for any of his actions!
Other than that, it's almost flawless!
I hope that helps a bit- I'm a little disoriented right now, so I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. Too much coffee....
JD -- I was planning on offering a more in depth review later (and I still plan to...), but I wanted to throw in a different point of view on this current subject...
Questions do not always have to be answered. I personally like unanswered questions...it CAN make for more interesting storytelling, allowing the viewer to draw conclusions and make their own ending to the story. In order for this to be successful, you need to leave adequate and consistent clues for the viewer to work with. Where you need to be careful, though, is inconsistency...or the illogical. With your story, you have a
. That seems illogical
, so some motivation for this action would help the story. The actual reason WHY the murder happened is not so important. That is a concept that can be filled in by viewer imagination. In truth, it bears little consequence to the actual events playing out in your movie.
If you could only come up with some reason why the doctor would be motivated to help the other male character, it would make a world of difference...even if you don't spell it out completely. Just give us enough clues to work with.
John
Questions do not always have to be answered. I personally like unanswered questions...it CAN make for more interesting storytelling, allowing the viewer to draw conclusions and make their own ending to the story. In order for this to be successful, you need to leave adequate and consistent clues for the viewer to work with. Where you need to be careful, though, is inconsistency...or the illogical. With your story, you have a
murderer helping the victim's spouse contact the victim
(since the murderer risks getting caught)
If you could only come up with some reason why the doctor would be motivated to help the other male character, it would make a world of difference...even if you don't spell it out completely. Just give us enough clues to work with.
John
Everyone here has touched on everything that I saw as far as critiques. This is well shot movie with several locations and done well. The acting was good by everyone involved.
One Dream
I liked the story but I wish they didnt have wireless-mics that were visible during the shoot.
I liked the story but I wish they didnt have wireless-mics that were visible during the shoot.
JD--I just wanted to come back to say that I thought this movie was very well done. You have a very high-quality look and feel to the movie. I will generally agree with the comments posted above with regard to the story. Personally, I didn't notice the mics, but my wife always says I'm not very observant.
The editing was also very tight and well done. This is a story that could have easily lost its way if the editing was not done right, so good job there. Great entry!
The editing was also very tight and well done. This is a story that could have easily lost its way if the editing was not done right, so good job there. Great entry!
