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Old 11-23-2017, 10:55 AM   #1
gorillaonabike
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Would appreciate feedback, please

Hiya y'all

In the wake of the whole Harvey Weinstein tsunami, we thought we'd shoot a little something. Need a critique, please before we finish it off. There are clearly some things not right but need an overall idea plus any criticism, please.

Thanks in advance

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Old 11-23-2017, 11:42 AM   #2
Filman
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Yes, it sure has its moments. I think it needs two corrections. Cut the opening scene and have her dance to a song with the chorus "I wouldn't do that if I were you".
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Old 11-23-2017, 12:06 PM   #3
Velusion
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I watched it from beginning to end.
The problem with the emotionally charged material that you tried to tackle is that it requires great skill as a film maker and, great acting. The acting was as lifeless and emotionless as a piece of bread. The male character is abusive and obviously emotionally desturbed but the woman acted like,,, acted like,,, well, that's just it. She didn't act like anything... The dancer, I guess you could call her the woman's free spirit or inner warrior. She felt completely out of place. She has a nice body and the way she moved gave me a special feeling, if you know what I mean, but I don't think that was your intention.

Sorry but I don't have any suggestions on how to tweek your presentation aside from starting again and recasting...

On a positive note, It seems that you did this out of passion... We need more film makers who create programs for reasons other than using green screens and showing off their special effects. On that, I applaud you!
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Old 11-23-2017, 02:38 PM   #4
ThimmyBagfelt
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I can only agree with velusion
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Old 11-24-2017, 11:16 AM   #5
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I find the acting excellent.
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Old 11-24-2017, 11:49 AM   #6
gorillaonabike
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Velusion View Post
I watched it from beginning to end.
The problem with the emotionally charged material that you tried to tackle is that it requires great skill as a film maker and, great acting. The acting was as lifeless and emotionless as a piece of bread. The male character is abusive and obviously emotionally desturbed but the woman acted like,,, acted like,,, well, that's just it. She didn't act like anything... The dancer, I guess you could call her the woman's free spirit or inner warrior. She felt completely out of place. She has a nice body and the way she moved gave me a special feeling, if you know what I mean, but I don't think that was your intention.

Sorry but I don't have any suggestions on how to tweek your presentation aside from starting again and recasting...

On a positive note, It seems that you did this out of passion... We need more film makers who create programs for reasons other than using green screens and showing off their special effects. On that, I applaud you!
Thanks for this and I agree with a lot of the points and we took a gamble on an actress. The male actor is excellent, the free spirit did everything I needed her to do.

That being said, although this wasn't my first choice, in the edit I went for something almost banal with the character. Making it almost an island of banality against an ocean of insanity.

That was my solution (a reshoot isn't a solution for me at this stage) but I have another short which I think is strong.

So you make a lot of good points, particularly the central one.

EDIT: I am now recutting to base the short on the man, not the female character. Making the short about him, not her.

Last edited by gorillaonabike; 11-26-2017 at 05:29 AM.
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