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Old 09-14-2017, 07:31 AM   #16
gman
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Originally Posted by XippyXippo View Post
I feel like it's an over-stuffed minute. Too much happens with no clarity. If you had more like 50 seconds of clarity and then a ten second tease of incoming chaos, I'd be much more interested in whatever is next. As it stands, there's more mystery than is worth investing in. Is his new power immunity to pain? Is he in control of the portal that opens? And, most obviously, what made him say "oh shit"? Any one of these would have been enough of a tease for a minute of work but all three together just make the thing feel directionless.

Also, I believe Mario's original name was Jumpman back in Donkey Kong. Is this a callback to that or is this an entirely new Jumpman?
I didn't know about that Mario thing, but anyways, I'm planning to make longer shorts in the future because I also think most of my works don't have that depth of story in them.

Thanks!
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Old 09-14-2017, 07:36 AM   #17
XippyXippo
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Originally Posted by gman View Post
I didn't know about that Mario thing, but anyways, I'm planning to make longer shorts in the future because I also think most of my works don't have that depth of story in them.

Thanks!
If this were Reddit, we could get all TIL up in this piece. But, it's not. So, we can't.

I'm looking forward to your next projects. When my wife started making movies, she'd burn through her ideas at a breakneck pace to the point that an average viewer couldn't even tell what was going on. Let it breathe. We're here to be taken out of our mundane, shitty, stressful lives. Let the audience kick back and enjoy the world you create.
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