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Old 04-26-2017, 10:10 AM   #1
KC7NEC
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Film Production Jokes

I have come across some various sites with Film Production Jokes and though everyone here may have some or could share their favorites.

As a production manager, i'll go first with one I just came up with......

How many Line Producer/UPM's does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but it will take three months to get the right crew, budget, schedule, and approve the plan!
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Old Today   #1A
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Old 04-30-2017, 04:52 PM   #2
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How do you get a lighting guy to work for free?

Tell him to do it for exposure.
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Old 04-30-2017, 04:54 PM   #3
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How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?

"That depends. What's my motivation?"
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Old 04-30-2017, 04:55 PM   #4
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How does a screenwriter write a joke?

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY

A CHICKEN stands at the edge of a barren country road, preparing to cross.......

Last edited by mussonman; 05-01-2017 at 06:32 PM.
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Old 04-30-2017, 05:01 PM   #5
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Knock Knock.

Who's there?

The set designer. I'm just testing the door
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Old 04-30-2017, 05:03 PM   #6
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Three writers walk into a coffee shop.

Typical...
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Old 04-30-2017, 05:03 PM   #7
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I'm making all these up, by the way. Can I get a reward?
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Old 05-01-2017, 01:59 AM   #8
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Best Jokester Award goes to.... MussonMan!
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Old 05-01-2017, 03:58 AM   #9
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How come DP's don't smoke?

Cuz it would take them forever to light it.

I think I got that one from one of the old-timer's of this site.
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Old 05-01-2017, 09:52 AM   #10
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
Fourteen. You got a problem with that?

Why does the sound guy say, "One, Two. One, Two?"
Because on three you lift something.

What is the difference between a DP & God?
God doesn’t think he’s a DP

How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie?
She's the one sleeping with the writer.
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Old 05-01-2017, 06:12 PM   #11
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Why is thunder after lightning?
Because even God has to wait for sound.

How do you piss off a location sound mixer?
Breathe.
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Old 05-01-2017, 06:51 PM   #12
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What is the biggest lie any producer has ever said?

"I have read the script"
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Old 05-01-2017, 06:52 PM   #13
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This joke won't have a punchline. We'll fix it in post
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Old 07-21-2017, 11:12 AM   #14
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haha mussonman, you should send those to the Oscars.
Or write 5 mins. of material & be the (first?) standup/host at film festivals.
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Old 07-23-2017, 09:56 AM   #15
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Director to actor:
".... so you approach the heroine and take her in your arms, then kiss her passionately. As you slowly lay her down on the bed, and begin to tear off her underwear, I want to see the raw animal nature of lust combined with sensuality that only two estranged soul-mates, desparate to embrace the physical embodiment of their lust for each other, can convey."
Actor's reply:
"So.... what's my motivation?"
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