Home Your Ad Here

Go Back   IndieTalk - Indie Film Forum > Making The Film > Screenwriting

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-13-2016, 04:14 PM   #1
brilliantben
Basic Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Belgium
Posts: 4
Logline feedback

I'd appreciate some feedback on this logline! Any critique is welcomed.

LOGLINE:
A free-spirited teenager and his narcissistic mother - both suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder - embark on a cross-country journey to reunite with their past lovers.

LOGLINE V2:
After a failed suicide attempt, a free-spirited teenager reluctantly accompanies his narcissistic mother on a journey to reunite with their past lovers. As both suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, they must face their symptoms head-on before severing their run-down relationship even more.

CONTEXT:
The story is set in motion when a vicious mother who's been absent in the life of her son tries to commit suicide. After discharging herself from the hospital, she decides to go chase the memory of a past lover. Her son is worried she'll try something else and impulsively joins her on the trip. I realize borderline is touchy subject. I have been diagnosed with it myself and want to make this an accurate depiction. I want to showcase how different people can be affected by the illness in a completely different way. The son is the spiritual type - relying on meditation and therapy in order to cope. The mother, on the other hand, relies on (self) medicating in order to stabilize. On their journey, this contrast will be one of the themes explored.
brilliantben is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today   #1A
film guy
Basic Member
 
Posts: 17

 
Old 07-13-2016, 04:30 PM   #2
Quality
Basic Member
 
Quality's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Caribbean
Posts: 750
Interesting synopsis. You think that can make a good story?
Quality is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-13-2016, 04:59 PM   #3
brilliantben
Basic Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Belgium
Posts: 4
I think it could. I have a few things in my mind and I am making a map of the story as well. It looks promising. There's a lot of subtleties in their dysfunctional borderline relationship that can make for a compelling storyline.
brilliantben is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-13-2016, 05:01 PM   #4
Quality
Basic Member
 
Quality's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Caribbean
Posts: 750
Well, as long as people can follow and relate to it, go ahead.
Quality is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-2016, 04:47 AM   #5
Filman
Basic Member
 
Filman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Germany
Posts: 531
You're really bringing the goods in this. Don't know how this would work for you:

A teenager goes with his Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosed mother, to save her from the worst trouble, as she takes on a cross-country journey to hopefully reunite with her past lover.
Filman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-2016, 06:53 AM   #6
maz
Basic Member
 
maz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK (SE and Midlands)
Posts: 767
Is it really necessary to mention the specific disorder? I realise it's personal and important to you, but I'd query its place in a logline. I would argue if you have to Google part of a logline, it's not really doing its job!
maz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-30-2016, 06:18 AM   #7
GirlinGray
Basic Member
 
GirlinGray's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 2
This is a decent start.

A logline is supposed to give someone a fast, strong handle on what exactly is happening in a story. Itís a good idea to include a title and genre in there. Factual details about the trip, like where the two are traveling fro and to, can be more meaningful than just saying the trip is to reunite with a past lover. The kidís reason for being on the trip is to stop Mom from hurting herself again Ė that seems more important than her motivation for the trip.

Hereís an example, making some stuff up to fill in blanks Iím unfamiliar with:

Shotgun Road Trip is a drama about a teenage boy accompanying his erratic mother on a road trip from Seattle Washington to Anchorage Alaska to try to ensure she doesnít attempt to hurt herself again.
GirlinGray is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
borderline, bpd, feedback, logline


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:52 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


©IndieTalk