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Is my premise believable?

H

harmonica44

The idea for my script is that people in a home for the mentally challenged, are sick of being confined there, and want to get out, and have their own freedom, out of envy of everyone else. It gets to the point where it sickens a particular group of them (who stick together as a group of friends), and they decide to have some firearms delivered to them and they end up taking the place hostage, making demands.

There is a lot more going in the plot, but that is the basic starting premise, but my friends tell me that the concept is really unconvincing, or far-fetched and it will take a lot sell it, if it's sell-able at all.

What do you think? Can I make it work? I plan on this being a major script which I was going to pitch, and have already written half of the first draft, so I would like it to be sell-able, of course, but is mentioning the very starting premise, a problem since my friend didn't even believe that part?
 
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Is sharknado believable?

Can you make it entertaining?

Biggest believability pitfall I see here:
How do confined mentally challenged people get arms delivered to them? Through amazon?
Or does one of them have a criminal connection?

What genre are you aiming for?
I guess this could be funny.
 
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The weapons delivery thing is a little odd.
Unless it's from Cabela's and they are buying black powder.
They can't get regular cartridge firearms from a dealer or distributor without the proper licensing.

Although a group armed with Colt Walker and Remington New Model Army pistols could be an interesting image.

On a similar note, I deal with a number of homes like this on a daily basis and getting anything personally delivered is a near impossibility without it going through a nurse or other home counselor.

Now if it was old people you might pull a story like that off with less question, but working out the details of your concept could be pretty original.
 
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Not all mental hospitals are like what you see in the movies. My only concern is that your premise might be based on an unrealistic view of what these facilities are actually like.

In my Real LifeTM job I have frequent meetings in mental hospitals and nursing homes. Many of these places use only a modest amount of security. For example, it's easier to get in than it is to leave but the exit is usually guarded by a middle aged woman with a buzzer. No guards armed with tasers. Also, mental hospitals clearly prohibit certain types of contraband such as cigarette lighters. Getting a cache of weapons would certainly be a bit far fetched and a whole lot of work, especially since an escape would be incredibly easy.
 
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It's not a comedy script, it's a serious drama. They have outside help from a person who is sympathizing with their cause and joins them in the hostage taking. She has her own plot as to why she is close with one of them and believes in what they are doing, but I have that part worked out, with perhaps some tweaking as I go.

Assuming I can make that part plausible, is the idea sell-able? Is that the only problem? I also have used a lot of research from a family member who has spent time in such a place, which is what gave me the idea for the premise. I was looking to write a hostage thriller, and then it clicked, since I thought about him.
 
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So here's my concern - if they're considered dangerous inmates, they're more than likely in a jail (or a jail-like environment) where it's pretty damn impossible to get weapons in. On the other hand if they're just mentally handicapped but not considered dangerous, they're in a group home or nursing home-type of environment. As I said above it's unlikely that weapons would make it into a home like that, but it doesn't matter anyway because of how incredibly easy it would be to leave.

It sounds like your setting is going to be somewhere right in the middle. If not, anybody who's ever visited that kind of place won't believe any of your premise.
 
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I find it hard to believe that a weapon delivery would go unnoticed. Try to find another way to get them weapons. (It doesn't necessarily have to be guns). In my opinion, blades/ shanks are far more intimidating and not to mention, believable.

I like the idea though. Keep at it.
 
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They are not dangerous, but turn dangerous, once angered enough. If I can write it so that they get the guns in, will it work? If it's impossible to get guns in, what if I wrote it so that the first visitor who comes through the door, comes with a sports bag, and as soon she walks in the door, she pulls out her gun right away, and gets the guards to let her in at gunpoint, shooting them if she has to?

If that doesn't work, there are many other ways, but in movies like Cell 211 for example, an actual prison manages to overpower the guards, and smuggle in weapons, and no one said that movie was too far fetched. I could probably name several others. Public Enemies, smuggled guns into a prison as well. How is it that bank robbers, manage to get guns passed security in bank robberies? In movies you see this all the time like Heat and The Dark Knight.

Bowling for Columbine is a true story, and the kids managed to get guns passed their own school security. So it is possible in theory, isn't it? U.S. Embassies have been bombed in real life as well, and in Afghanistan, I recall a story of a U.S. army base, being bombed with a car bomb. Not to sound condescendingly sarcastic, but are we to believe that a home for the mentally challenged has better security than a U.S. Embassy or military base?

As far as having shanks instead of guns, I want them to have weapons that can harm at long range, since they will be dealing with police SWAT and sharpshooters. A gun is more equal match.

As far as people who have actually been in such a place, not believing it, how can I change that?
 
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I'm not saying it's not believable, but when you're in an industry, even peripherally, you know a few of the ins and outs about it.
Looks like several people here are connected with health care both institutionally and in group homes.
As pointed out, security isn't a long suit in any of these places unless they are run by the state or are some kind of hospital.

Did you ever see the movie "Dream Team" with Christopher Lloyd?
The concept there has a small group of patients that go out for a field trip to a ball game and lose their counselor. They end up getting into a lot of trouble as they interact with the "real" world.
 
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Again there are conflicting parts of your premise here. If a person is emotionally unstable, chemical-dependent, etc but not dangerous, they are not in a home that would require guns and hostages to escape. Period.

If you change the premise so that the patients are already deemed dangerous (and therefore in a jail-type environment) then it would be more believable.
 
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I could see it working. For it to work with me (as an audience), you'd have to spend quite some time on how they get the firearms and what type they are, because it doesn't seem easy to just smuggle a couple of assault rifles into anywhere. They'd most likely need outside help, in any case. And definitely stick with cheaper civilian weapons, no AA12 automatic shotguns and grenade launchers, because that would turn it into a comedy whether you want it to or not. The decision to get guns and create a hostage situation is a serious one, and you'd need to devote time to that as well, or else I (as an audience) would assume that these people are fickle and can't be taken seriously at all. Basically, your premise would need time and effort to make it convincing, which doesn't leave all that much movie for the hostage situation itself.

Maybe the group, through laborious planning over many months, manages to get one or two real guns and builds more fake guns? So the works at the facility know they have guns, but don't realize that most are fake. Then you can play with how some of the mental patients actually think their fake guns are real or something like that. (Just throwing an idea out there)
 
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SixOhThree said:
Again there are conflicting parts of your premise here. If a person is emotionally unstable, chemical-dependent, etc but not dangerous, they are not in a home that would require guns and hostages to escape. Period.

If you change the premise so that the patients are already deemed dangerous (and therefore in a jail-type environment) then it would be more believable.
Click to expand...

Sorry I have been misleading here. They don't want to escape. They know that if they do, the police will inquire about it, and they may get put back in the home. They want freedom, but know they will not get it. Even if they are let out, they are sick of society not accepting them, and treating them with the respect, that more "normal" get.

So they take hostages, not to escape, but to get in front of news cameras, and make a statement to the world as part of their plan to strike back. They are not really looking to escape but strike back at a society that the feel never accepted them. I know I would need to devote time to this, however there is a lot of suspense and hostage situations in the first two thirds. It's not until the last half of the second act, that a lot of it is built up in flashbacks. It's told more from the cops' point of view as a mystery, until half way through or a little over, and then that's where the flasbacks of the hostage takers, occur. So I need the readers to be engaged and buying into what's happening for the first half, even though the hostage takers are kept a mystery and not developed, character or background wise, until the second half. Could I make that work?

As far as their choices of guns are, I was thinking mostly pistols as well as bigger pistols such as the Mac-10, and Tec-9. They also have silencers so they can kill two people without the cops being able to hear it from the outside, as part of the plot as well. Perhaps some pump action civilian style shotguns too. Is that too much?
 
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I think if you have one inmate with a deranged backstory that is a bad influence on everyone else it would make it more believable. The rest of the mentally challenged are being used and taken advantage of by the bad egg.

That said, I'm not sure how well a movie about a bunch of mentally challenged people is going to sell. but that's your problem
 
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Definitely an uphill battle. Even more so with it being a drama instead of a comedy.

The only part of the trailer for I am Sam that made me want to see it is when he is comically yelling into his telephone to record his voice message.
 
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sfoster said:
I am Sam
Click to expand...

Must... not... make... cliche TROPIC THUNDER JOKE!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xz7Bl3SZCUI

Ok... glad I got that out of my system.

---

H44, I'd really think about the main character being mentally ill. Unless you're thinking of some making some potentially offensive 70's grindhouse-esque flick, do some serious research on the topic. Understand how the facilities should like, how people with those disabilities act, and if they could realistically do the tasks you want them to do. In addition to that, the film could offend people. The portrayal or actions of mentally-ill people could lead to controversy, even if you do spend a lot of time and dedication to understanding the characters with those conditions. Realistically showing the smuggling of guns & what those facilities actually look like could be difficult, costly, or frustrating as well. You can put that effort into making that film, though I'd consider the other possibilities. Perhaps showing just white collar workers fed up with their tiny cubicles & well paid bosses who fall apart one day could be interesting. Or find a unique setting for some seemingly normal characters could be interesting. Play around w/ the hostage idea though.
 
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Would it work better if I made it more of a dark comedy satire, like Natural Born Killers (1994), but still very serious and dramatic like that movie?

Well I did do research on the person I know, and he is smart enough to do all those things, if determined enough. How many people should I interview to try to assess, if they are capable of such things, and smart enough to get away with it? I can't really change it to cubicle officer workers, cause the script follows different themes, and it would be another story to write. It may work, but I would like to do this story, with these themes first. I feel it would be changing to much of the plot around.
 
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First, I gotta say this is a very awesome premise for a movie, though the synopsis is still a bit shaky.

What if instead of it taking place at a mental hospital it takes place at a specialty prison for convicted pedophiles. This would be like an experimental prison to see if there is a way to "cure" pedophilia. You can make a very complex main character who sort of ended up in the grey area. Like, he was an ex special forces hero who became a washed out drug addict.

One day he makes a mistake and hooks up with a hot chick who looks 18 but turns out to be 14. Rare, I know but it's possible. I've seen 14 year old's look of age. Anyway, he lands himself in prison and even though he's a bad ass, regular prison is too dangerous so he's transferred to this new facility that's out in the middle of nowhere.

So now you have "solid snake" trying to escape this prison because he feels he was wrongfully convicted. But, the question is, was it wrong in what he did? And if so, was it bad enough to justify him going to this prison full of real pedophiles? The whole story is a moral quandary because for him to escape, he has to do unsavory things with unsavory people and even help them escape.

In the end, he wreaks havoc on the prison and changes his mind. He realizes how selfish he was and how harmful he's become. Decorated soldier turned ugly only to realize how far down he went.

I don't know. I'm just thinking as I type haha. Good luck with this, man. Sounds like a great story.
 
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