Here's my critique of the trailer:
The sound is very poor. There is lots of noise and hissing, as well as an annoying bird in the background. Either get rid of that sound effect, and if you are actually shooting in a forest - shoot yourself on green-screen, then get a still shot of the forest, and put it together.
It's slow. Get to the point. I'm making a film about [insert short 2 sentence plot here]. I am very passionate about this project. Help me bring my dream to life.
How about taking a short scene from the film, shoot it, and put it somewhere in there. And/or put clips from your past work in there. Everything in your trailer was written below. Let us know that you have talent and are capable of pulling this project off.
You know those short films you have at the bottom of the Kickstarter page? You should have used those:
Put some emotion into it. You seem bored. You should be excited and confident about the film.
I don't think "realistic fiction" is the right word. How about "drama"?
What about including this in your presentation:
My name is Dakota Barron. I’ve been interested in film since the age of six. At the age of ten, I began actively pursuing film by personally working and saving to buy my first camera. I created montages and shorts, practicing general concepts. In more recent years I’ve learned through books, tutorials, and personal experience about the ins and outs of cinematography, audio, editing, storytelling, and how they all come together to create an experience.
That show your passion for the project and for filmmaking! You might want to include that. People don't want to disappoint someone who has been working towards something since they were a young kid.
Summing up all of the above in a sentence, I think you need more of the description in the presentation, and the presentation in the description.
Besides that... it's good! I look forward to seeing it!
