Short film, needs feedback

[mussonman]

I just completed a short comedy sketch called "Philosophy With A Retarded Hobo Returns."

This is my first short filmed with an HD camera, and it was filmed in a few minutes (man, guerrilla filmmaking forced us to cut out several jokes and go with just one... made me sad.)

Gimme some feedback as I value all opinions on this site.
Thank you.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oNSUwXbhD0

[Zensteve]

There's far too much filler & fluff in there. You have about 40 seconds of substance, in a 2:10 video.

It's also a letdown, in general, when the fancy-lookin' opening titles, logos & effects grandly sweep away to reveal the actual content quality.

Get back out there & film the rest of the jokes you missed. You might want to try running the script past a few peeps in Screenwriting section, beforehand.

Oh, cameraman could use a tripod, as well.

Is this supposed to be an ongoing websketch? There are many online ramblings by odd characters that have done really well. Ask A Ninja is a great one. Simple, no need for fancy sets... and funny.

Your sketch needs focus, is what I'm tryin' to say.

Good luck with it!

[mussonman]

the overall joke is that you expect it to be this grand, ethereal, philosophical moment. instead you get a crazy hobo talking nonsense.

it's very pythonesque

[mussonman]

anybody else wanna give some feedback?

[Sucramdoow]

It would have been funnier without all the text.

I don't know why, but I don't think you should call it "The Retarded Hobo". Emphasis on 'retarded'. It just seems a bit... harsh. By the way, I'm all for sick/dark humour, I just think the name should be changed.

They should also be quick fire jokes. So, could either do one joke per episode or multiple jokes in different environments? I don't know, that's for you to decide really.

I don't see the Python influence myself, it has to be more inane and surreal for that.

The Hobo himself should be dressed up a bit more. So keep with the fake beard and father christmas hat, but the fact that he doesn't look like a hobo kinda messes with the joke a bit.

This is my opinion anyway.

[mussonman]

I agree with the rapid fire statement, as well as the wardrobe... he usually is dressed up more, and covered in mud or leaves.

both of these were hard to achieve because we had to shoot this in like a minute or two, and our fans wanted another video, since we hadn't made one in a long time, so we decided to go with one simple joke.

[Sucramdoow]

Fast Show

You should check this out. It's great inspiration for what you are doing.

[mussonman]

Originally Posted by Sucramdoow

Fast Show

You should check this out. It's great inspiration for what you are doing.

The hobo was just one sketch, most of my sketches aren't like that at all, so I don't need any inspiration... but thank you anyway.

[Sucramdoow]

Oh, okay. Thought it would be a recurring sketch.

[mussonman]

Originally Posted by Sucramdoow

Oh, okay. Thought it would be a recurring sketch.

it kinda is, but it's very rarely used

[jax_rox]

Production Design, Production Design, Production Design.

Good Production Design will make even the most mundane shot look amazing. That includes makeup, wardrobe, set design and dressing, and also your location - I probably would've picked a different location, something more interesting than a tin shed wall, and somewhere where the highlight isn't going to blow out. Probably would've also graded it differently.

Also, too many titles/text, and the start titles seem to be pretty pixelated, though I assume it's because it's an old SD opener now stuck on the front of an HD clip. The sound on the way too long opener also sounds like it was recorded on a 1st gen iPhone, and then compressed as a tiny mp3.

My 2c.

Also curious what you shot this on, noticed the 3D button on the play bar..

[mussonman]

there really shouldn't be a 3D button, IDK why there is... it was shot on a T2i