D'you ever have those days when your brain and emotions and a billion ideas just all seem to... collide?
I call those my "train wreck" days, and I seem to be experiencing YET ANOTHER one.
On the one hand...
... I got plenty of practical things in life I (probably) ought to be doing.
If I neglect those responsibilities the quality of life for others and myself declines.
However, if I neglect my self-generating thermonuclear creativity my emotional and spiritual state declines.
Can't serve two masters.
On the other hand...
... One of the reasons I despise pursuing interests is once I learn how to do whatever it was I just looked before I leapt at... well... now I'm kinda self-obligated to actually go "do something" about it.
Otherwise, what's the point of learning sh!t?
Just to learn it? Pfft. Puh-leez.
Well, I kinda like being good at some things.
And just when I get good at one thing - d@mned if it isn't time to go learn to be good at something else.
It would be nice if I could just do one thing very well instead of constantly learning how to do multiple things well-enough.
And then on top of this I've just completed a screen of fifteen no-budget feature story premises candidates (out of about five dozen viable story premises I have in the hopper) I probably actually could pursue in writing/directing/producing in an adjacent state with some fairly favorable film incentives.
Before even beginning the whole pre-production hassle - which I ought to do because I'm getting better at actually understanding exactly what goes into such (theoretically/on paper) - I'm experiencing some sort of annoying-as-h3ll... loss, for lack of a better word, toward the thirteen stories I won't initially consider pursuing right out of the gate.
I've got good reasons for levying marketability failure assessments upon them, from working with kids to being an inherently "drama" genre (not good for marketability).
And the two, maybe three, also have good reasons for passing the cut, (require one marketable star as opposed to a small ensemble cast or possess a natural scifi/action/thriller genre), but...
No parent wants to play favorites with their babies, I guess.
"Kids. As your father I love all of you. But you ten over there are fat and ugly, you two are a pain-in-the-@ss, and you in the corner are too high maintenance. I'm going to give these two kids here a bath and Sunday clothes then take them out in public. The rest of you ugly little freaks are staying home."
Seems a little harsh to me.
I think it's a subconscious delay tactic so that I can postpone pursuing the production of the two, maybe three, stories, which are probably frivolous pursuits, when there are practical things I probably (pretty much, if not inescapably) ought to be doing.
Any other freaks out there occasionally experience anything something akin to any one of these impediments to personal peace and happiness?