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Old 02-27-2012, 10:32 PM   #1
peter917
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any tips on how my scene flows?

ok so i made this today, shot in 1 hour using only a tripod and my DSLR. I had to operate the camera and be the actor so thats why its all still shots, though i feel the flow came out fairly well. I know the music and what not isn't very good, just threw in some video co-piolet sounds.

also the muffling you'll hear about 1 minute into the video was supposed to represent a noise coming from downstairs, didn't turn out like planned. and music in the beginning is supposed to be coming through headphones. anyways, what do you think?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4zPh...jvV9kmQzBWlNdT
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Old 02-27-2012, 10:38 PM   #2
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That's pretty good.

The only suggestion I have is maybe adding a POV shot, quickly looking around the room, right after we see him round the corner at 2:14. Just a little something to get active with the audience.

Soooo... do you have the rest of the story planned out, or are you stopping right there?
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Old 02-27-2012, 10:47 PM   #3
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probably just stopping right there, might turn it into something. It was more of just a test, and i hate not being able to operate the camera on the actor, it would have turned out better if i had an actual actor instead of me doing both. But I do have a short film coming up soon that i'll be looking for more feedback with.
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:08 PM   #4
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Actually, I'm rather impressed. You need to get some actors, dude. I see you doing great things.

I think it could be edited at a much more brisk pace. 2:40 is a long time for someone to discover a noise in the basement. I really like how you shot it, though.

One small editing note -- your cut at :36 is a few frames too fast (from ECU of hand grabbing cigs, to CU of face).
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:14 PM   #5
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thanks a lot. I really didn't think it was good at all..mediocre at best, that made me feel good! Thank you sir.
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:25 PM   #6
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Well, I suppose it's mediocre in the sense that there isn't really any story (and in three minutes, you can fit A LOT of story). But it seems clear to me that this is something that you just did as an exercise for learning the ropes, figuring things out. In that context, I think it's actually rather good.

I think you have an eye for where to put the camera. I hate to say this, but it seems to me like some people got it, and some people don't. You got it! Some of those shots are really nice (my favorite is the one in which he first grabs the bat).

So, yeah, you need to get some actors and start really making movies. Don't expect it to go smoothly. But do know that you've got a "natural" talent that will only become better, the more you apply yourself to learning this craft.

P.S. I forgot to mention earlier -- your dog is cute. Is that a shi-tzu?
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:29 PM   #7
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lol, yeah the bat grabbing happens to be my favorite also, it makes it more edgy feeling. That comment inspired me even more saying that "i got it" Being a director has been my dream since i was 5. And no its a cocka-poo lol
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:36 PM   #8
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That was pretty good, man! I think you did a good job tying the shots together, another thing that helps with that is sound bleed/tie over (a sound is played from the end of one shot into the beginning of another. I know I'm forgetting the proper term here). Sound has a way of playing tricks on our perception, in a good way for filming anyways.
The dog actually looked like it was going to be the antagonist, haha, the way it came and kinda sat and was waiting for you almost.
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:42 PM   #9
peter917
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yeah i get what you mean with the whole sound thing, and i didn't even notice my dog until i was in the editing process, its kind of creepy how she did that, at that moment. lol
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:08 AM   #10
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I thought it was pretty well done! Especially since it was just you. I'm going to suggest that you invest in additional lighting (some of your shots were too dark) and spend some time learning how to color grade. I think some color grading in this would really add to the suspense. The blown out (light) house windows take away from the creepiness due to the fact that the viewer (myself) knows it's daytime. Just my two cents!
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Old 02-28-2012, 01:17 AM   #11
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Great Look, great feel.

Nice job, keep it up!
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Old 02-28-2012, 01:58 PM   #12
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What is the name of the song at the beginning that you are listening too? Also good work, flowed well
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Old 02-28-2012, 02:04 PM   #13
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I like the Hitchcockian first shot
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Old 02-28-2012, 03:29 PM   #14
peter917
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really? I haven't seen to many of Hitchcock's films but I've been wanting to. I had no idea my shot resembled his. Ill take that as a compliment, haha. (:
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