Just watched it, I thought it was not bad! The acting at the start was pretty good, a really intense opening. After that, I tend to agree with CamVader that it became a little slow. I think I was also distracted by the graininess. I'm going to assume that you chose the grainy look to add to the overall gloominess, which is an artistic choice and I can respect that. The one shot that slipped through ungrainy (about 1:10 into the second part) looked pretty sweet and as a comparison I think it would be interesting to see what it would have looked like if clean.
Which brings us onto lighting for which I think you did a good job, in keeping with your film noir look. The tankards of candles is such a brilliant idea and worked very well, I'm definitely going to be experimenting with something along those lines! Again, I'm wondering how it might have looked had there been just a small amount of fill light to bring out some of the set.
Story-wise it was intriguing, but there's bits that I've either missed completely or weren't included deliberately that left me somewhat unsatisfied. Spoiler: Steve was about to tell us something important, then Frank interfered and I guess we'll never know? Also, what is the deal with Frank? What happened to him? Is there any meaning to his incessant rhythmic knocking? And finally, suicide? I think it was a bit of a rash decision, Allen seemed to be a (mostly) well balanced chap up until then!
See all in all, I enjoyed it, glad I gave it a second chance after reading your detailed analysis (the first time I gave up because it felt a bit slow, lol... 20 minutes watching, plus 30 minutes write-up time, it's precious, man!) Although I don't think the pistols at dawn approach below is the best way of ingratiating yourself to the forum.
Now tell me, at 21-years-old, which seems to have been 24 years ago for you, what did you achieve?
What did your second production do for you?
Keep up the good work man and remember that light criticism is to be expected