I like the story and I think it's a clever idea but I just kept finding mistake after mistake (Which happens in student films). Here is a list of issues (and some positives) I had written down. I think I could have done a lot more negatives too. I watched the whole thing and then watched again to take notes. I stopped at the gift unwrapping because I just had too many notes.
- Weak foot stomp by actress during the argument.
- Poor lighting in the beginning (B/W scenes)
- I don't mind the distorted arguing but I had a hard time understanding the narrator. I believe the argue noise just got in the way after a while. I feel those sounds could have been managed better. Also, sound in general was way too soft for the whole film; I had to turn my headphones up.
- @ 1:02, bad framing of shot. I get to see a blanket and half of a child building something. Also, I don't mind the montage sequence but would have liked it more if you moved the camera around (AND NO JUMP CUTS).
- I liked the B/W -> color -> B/W
- Shot 2:04 she is on the right side of the frame and then @ 2:05 she appears on the left side. Why was this done?
- I do like the quick shots of the model of her walking through the forest. A few hairy moments when the Iris image gets caught on something and I'm unsure why you didn't re-shoot those. But I liked the idea with the graphic goes with the type of story.
- Need to bounce some of that sunlight on Iris to highlight her in the shade. Or maybe at least some sort of light source. Especially when it comes to darker skinned actors/actresses, lighting is a very important. This isn't some kind of race issue, this is a well known fact and your film helps prove this.
- @ 2:38 good depth of field shot. Should have chosen (or put) flowers or something instead of empty, budding tree limbs.
- @ 2:44 what does she wave at?
- @ 3:05 she is on the left frame and @ 3:08 she is on the right. This is very jarring and not smooth on the eyes.
- @ 4:07 Great depth of field.
- 4:22, that shot I don't like at all. Also, I see your (or someone’s) shadow in the shot.
@ 4:30 the narration seems to be behind because he informs us "unpleasant surprise" as she still opens the gift. You let the cat out of the bag too soon.
- Sound as a whole was not bad.
- Acting seemed fine.
- Props and sets were good too. I like the tunnel sequence; I feel that I did travel with her through some portal.
Well, that is all I'm gonna say. Lots of mistakes inside this excellent little story. You really need to learn from your mistakes so you can do a better job during production in the future. But with all this said, I still enjoyed this one. Also, I'm glad it wasn't like 50% of student films out there and had to have a gun in it.
Good luck.
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