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Old 11-07-2018, 05:15 PM   #1
stevencwood
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Dialogue Heavy Romantic Drama Idea

We're all familiar with the "Before" trilogy, right? I'll assume so.

Following in that lane, I'm in the process of writing something similar and I wanted to get a couple of opinions. It's a simple story, but I wanted to gauge some reactions off of what I have so far...

Vince - 40, slight male patterned baldness and basically average looking. He's walking in a southern California airport terminal minding his own business when he runs into-

Susie - 30s but could pass for younger, is a few paces ahead of him going in the same direction. She drops something and Vince picks it up and returns it to her.

Some typical banter will follow, then they realize they're going in the same direction and going to the same gate. Ultimately going to the same location-

Las Vegas.
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Here's where I'd like some opinions. Would it be too much of a coincidence if they happen to be sitting next to each other? To avoid this I could pick up the story with Vince in his seat, and Susie comes up struggling with her overhead compartment luggage. Vince would help her and there we go, sitting next to each other and the ice is broken.

They're both going to Vegas for different reasons, we don't learn Susie's actual reason until later on. I want to follow them over the course of the flight and overnight, ending in the morning. The conversation will evolve from strangers meeting for the first time to two people with the urge to become romantically involved.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/187j...w?usp=drivesdk

Last edited by stevencwood; 11-15-2018 at 02:21 PM.
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Old 11-07-2018, 05:40 PM   #2
mlesemann
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I love the "Before" trilogy

It's a bit much to have them so lucky as to be next to each other, but not horribly so. You could have them sitting one row in front of each other, and manage to orchestrate a switch? Or someone else wants a seat swap, and they help out, helping themselves in the process.

Regardless, I think with these kinds of stories the audience needs to suspend disbelief anyway, and if you write it well, we'll follow you (I think!).
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Old 11-07-2018, 05:44 PM   #3
stevencwood
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mlesemann View Post
I love the "Before" trilogy

It's a bit much to have them so lucky as to be next to each other, but not horribly so. You could have them sitting one row in front of each other, and manage to orchestrate a switch? Or someone else wants a seat swap, and they help out, helping themselves in the process.

Regardless, I think with these kinds of stories the audience needs to suspend disbelief anyway, and if you write it well, we'll follow you (I think!).
I agree. Like I said, I've written some of this already but under different circumstances. Some of the exchanges will carry over to this new version. I've linked the existing version so you can get a taste of my style.

I want the situation to be "we're stuck here together, might as well make the best of it" and then morph into something they both WANT to do. I'm currently at the point where they're friendly with each other, past the stranger phase.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1uEm...w?usp=drivesdk
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Old 11-15-2018, 02:21 PM   #4
stevencwood
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Updated to to reflect the airport encounter.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/187j...w?usp=drivesdk
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Old 11-15-2018, 03:09 PM   #5
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I don't think it would be too coincidental at all but I would create tension. In other words make their initial encounter awkward. Like he says something wrong, offensive, it comes out the wrong way. On the plane she's looking for her seat, finds it is next to him. She says something like, "Great, Mr. ______," the blank referring to the awkward comment. It's better to start with tension if they are going to hit it off, etc.
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Old 11-15-2018, 04:02 PM   #6
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I don't think it would be too coincidental at all but I would create tension. In other words make their initial encounter awkward. Like he says something wrong, offensive, it comes out the wrong way. On the plane she's looking for her seat, finds it is next to him. She says something like, "Great, Mr. ______," the blank referring to the awkward comment. It's better to start with tension if they are going to hit it off, etc.
Vince meets Susie at the gate while she's emptying out her purse looking for her ticket. Vince helps her find it but brushes the encounter off as a one-time thing.

I could easily add some sort of conflict at the beginning. What I am doing differently is have Susie go after Vince, since typically we see the male be the pursuer.

I don't know, I'm kind of winging the conversation since that's what happens in the real world.
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Old 11-15-2018, 04:04 PM   #7
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Okay so flip the awkwardness, Susie says something offputting...
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Old 11-15-2018, 04:06 PM   #8
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Okay so flip the awkwardness, Susie says something offputting...
Yea I think you're right. The way she comes off already is more forward than Vince. He's just going with the flow while she seems to have a motive. Check out the OP or a couple posts above if you want to see what's been written already.
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