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Old 02-03-2019, 12:56 AM   #1
JL Films
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Script Help

I've written a script for a 10 episode web series I'm making. I've got the first episode written, just wanted some advice about it to make it better.

Quote:
When aliens from another planet kidnap the world’s leading alien research scientist, two highly trained soldiers must follow and rescue him, or risk alien invasion.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/zahlix5aks...cript.pdf?dl=0

Last edited by JL Films; 02-03-2019 at 01:01 AM.
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Old 02-06-2019, 11:13 AM   #2
starbuck63
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It's a script, Jim but not as we...

Ok, we have a scientist trying to open a portal which he then does by accident. He captures an alien and then his alien friends come looking for him. Scientist gets abducted through the portal to an alien world where he meets a native who explains that the aliens are invaders on her mineral rich planet. Meantime, the military who fund scientist's project sends two soldiers after him.
As a plot goes, it's okay and could be "worked up" a bit more to be more interesting/new. For example, what if the scientist has some knowledge that would save Earth but he's been abducted and the only way to save Earth is to get him back (fast!) - see it creates a bit more "story". This kind of extra motivation/plot stuff needs to happen for each of the characters including the invaders (they need the minerals to stop a deadly plague on their own planet) etc etc.
The dialogue is also too expository and on the nose. For example, the way the "interpretation pill" works is explained twice. Why does it need explaining - just have him take the pill and gradually the alien-tongue becomes understandable = show don't tell. We have the soldiers say things like "We need to find Dr X" (which is why they've been sent there!) and "Look, footprints. I think it's this way" (it's not as bad as this but almost, in places).
Sorry for the harsh comments but just trying to help.
SB
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Old 02-07-2019, 12:07 AM   #3
JL Films
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I really appreciate the help and comments. Very helpful! I will make some changes!
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Old 02-07-2019, 03:49 AM   #4
starbuck63
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Something else to think about...

Another thought occurred on this - budget. As everyone will tell you on this forum, selling scripts ain't easy. I get the most interest for my scripts which are "contained" (one room/location only) and have few actors (one preferably but ocassionally they'll stretch the budget to two if the script is REALLY good - ha! Actually 2-4 is the norm). Basically, if you're a newbie and you want to get something made, you have to think of the production budget. Scripts with lots of VFX and large casts will hit the reject pile faster than Gonzalez on speed. If you have your own production facilities and access to VFX (i.e. you plan to make it yourself and know how to get round the above budget contraints with some clever thinking) then carry on. Otherwise, you may want to think about how you can scale your script according to what the market will bear. Space Opera Sci-Fi is notoriously difficult in this regard. I'm not saying it can't be done and maybe some genious will break the mold like Blair Witch Project did for horror...
Again, hope that helps...
SB
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Old 02-08-2019, 09:22 PM   #5
JL Films
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Thanks

Thanks! I will keep it that mind. I was planning on using either animation software like Unreal Engine or using cinematic software for games and doing it that way. Something very simple.
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