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Old 07-14-2017, 03:06 PM   #1
WendyFisher42
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9 page short; have I grasped basic principles?

I decided to write, as a theoretical exercise, a screenplay that:

1. Is a short of under 10 minutes
2. Is extremely pragmatic (one actor, simple sets and props)
3. Contains a solid standard three-act structure (no vignettes, cop-outs, or slices of life)
4. Adheres to standard screenplay format

Do you mind helping me to kick the tires to see if I've accomplished those goals? While I'm new to screenplay writing, I *have* been published (and paid for it), and - as I stated in my intro post - I'm a huge structure nerd. Just trying to get under the hood to see if I can apply the theory that I'm learning. Give 'er a look and pass me a wrench! Am I on the right track?

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...it?usp=sharing

(Also, feel free to send me links to your films or screenplays; always happy to take a look - let me know if you'd just like to share your work or if you're hoping for feedback.)
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Old 07-15-2017, 04:46 PM   #2
mlesemann
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Be sure to use a new slug line every time you start a new scene - for example, the bottom of page 1 "Ryan wanders...." is a new scene. Be very specific, as in "Ryan walks down street x [insert any description]." Anything that includes wandering misc streets or (to use an example from someone else's work that I read recently) talks to a bunch of different people is not good for a screenplay.

Be sure to always use the present tense, so "stares at the strange lawns" not "staring at the strange lawns."

I find the descriptions to be excessive and more fitting to a short story or novel, but that's more a matter of taste. I'm also not a fan of all the superimposing, so I'd add one more character and avoid that.

On the plus side, though, I really like the images that you paint and think you're definitely on the right track.

I hope that's helpful.

Last edited by mlesemann; 07-15-2017 at 04:56 PM.
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Old 07-15-2017, 08:03 PM   #3
buscando
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I think you got the basic principles. I have some notes on the story but maybe that's not your focus at this point.
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