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Old 12-13-2012, 06:48 PM   #1
kriegs089
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Thumbs Up "A Fit of Jealousy" (short) (4:22)

Short film
v v v v v v







A short I made not too long ago. Wrote, Filmed and edited in roughly 6-7 hours. Please give any criticism, all is helpful.

Last edited by kriegs089; 12-14-2012 at 10:15 AM.
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Old 12-14-2012, 02:22 AM   #2
wheatgrinder
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sigh, I spend months\years on my stuff.. you took all of six hours and I'm supposed to care?

But I watched anyway.... yup, looks like you spent 6 hours on it.



soft focus on every shot
poor exposure on every shot
no set design in any shot
no effort in lighting
too long for what you were telling
almost 1/4 of that was in credits.. don't bother.. shorts this short should have just one or two credits upfront.. save the rest for the end.


last shot with the practical special effect, the efect looked pretty good.
Thought the female lead was convincing at being angry
One or two shots of the male lead were down right creepy with that apathetic expression... I think that would have been more powerful, the shots where hes showing emotion, both times on the floor, dont fit with what the character.. would have been MORE sick if he went home and played a video game or something after.
Smooth handheld work. No jittery cam.. thanks!

Now I spent over 10 minutes on this so do me the payback and invest 6 months in your next short.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:40 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wheatgrinder View Post
sigh, I spend months\years on my stuff.. you took all of six hours and I'm supposed to care?

But I watched anyway.... yup, looks like you spent 6 hours on it.
Woah! Wait! This was a spur of the moment shoot. I have things i've been working on for years now. This was completely one manned (besides actors).

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soft focus on every shot
poor exposure on every shot
no set design in any shot
no effort in lighting
too long for what you were telling
almost 1/4 of that was in credits.. don't bother.. shorts this short should have just one or two credits upfront.. save the rest for the end.
Focus pulling is the area I need to get better at. Still trying to find an easy way to do it myself, but alas, I haven't yet.
The only problem I felt I had with lighting was everything outdoors, but it was 3 am and I wasn't setting up lights for a 30 second shoot out in 12 degree weather. (but, note taken)
This short was supposed to be about 2-3 min longer, but we cut some things out and some shots just did not go well with what we were doing, so, that is why you have a long intro and the rest isn't up to par.

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last shot with the practical special effect, the efect looked pretty good.
I had listened to this song for a few days, and thought of that last effect shot. That was the creative process behind this entire thing. The building blocks, if you will. I'm glad you enjoyed that part!

Again, thank you for your input! All of it will help me get better and better! Like I said, I made this in roughly 6 hours by myself (and the actors, which actually was everyone's first time on camera!) I enjoy trying to put out a good product in a short amount of time, mainly to see if I can do it.

Last edited by kriegs089; 12-14-2012 at 08:44 AM.
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Old 12-14-2012, 09:10 AM   #4
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It's not the worse thing Iv seen, I liked the music.

The intro title looked like the beginning of a friends episode, took way too long.

The scenes leading upto the jealousy part didnt really do anything for me, took too long and I didn't really get the emotion from it.

In the bathroom there was no blood spatter?

When firing the gun he should flinch his eyes because that's what. Normal person would do.

I didn't like the way he came into the bathroom, it was too easy and didnt build tension for me.

But for 6 hours work it's better work than I have seen from others.

Just think it should be portrayed a better, also the main guys acting is over exaggerated to the point we can see he is cuing his emotion rather than him flowing into it.
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Old 12-14-2012, 09:44 AM   #5
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It's not the worse thing Iv seen, I liked the music.
Thank you sir!

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In the bathroom there was no blood spatter?
That came into play after the we had finished shooting and half way through editing :-/

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When firing the gun he should flinch his eyes because that's what. Normal person would do.
That didn't even cross my mind, I will have to remember that!
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Old 12-14-2012, 11:12 AM   #6
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Thank you sir!



That came into play after the we had finished shooting and half way through editing :-/



That didn't even cross my mind, I will have to remember that!
no problem, as you can tell I'm extra detailed about that, i like to think the more real it seems the more the end viewer will think its real
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Old 12-14-2012, 11:18 AM   #7
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no problem, as you can tell I'm extra detailed about that, i like to think the more real it seems the more the end viewer will think its real
right on
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Old 12-14-2012, 05:28 PM   #8
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This felt like a music video, and had it been a music video, I think it would be a pretty cool one.
I would never use the excuse of time in anything creative, unless it was a 48 hour film project. My short film has taken a year to complete, but when I eventually come to release it, the time it took and budget will not even enter the marketing. It is great that you are obviously keen on making films, that's fantastic, and with each project, you should keep growing.
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Old 12-15-2012, 01:43 PM   #9
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This felt like a music video, and had it been a music video, I think it would be a pretty cool one.
I always say its, more or less, a glorified music video.

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It is great that you are obviously keen on making films, that's fantastic, and with each project, you should keep growing.
100% true, every project is better than the last!

Last edited by kriegs089; 12-15-2012 at 08:47 PM.
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Old 12-20-2012, 03:10 AM   #10
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Here is another I did, the audio kinda gets shitty half way through, but took longer and had more production.

If interested -
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