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Old 05-13-2018, 12:11 PM   #16
Future_Screen
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@Thanks for the tip. I’ll try to avoid it.
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Old Today   #1A
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Old 05-13-2018, 12:36 PM   #17
Panos
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Future_Screen: @indietalk ?
indietalk: Yes?
Hahaha.

Quality actually, you can't write anything about his andrenaline,
unless you show the andrenaline molecules kicking in using CGI

Future_Screen this is what I mean:

EXT. RACE STADIUM – DAY

The grand stands are full of people. Thousands of couples of eyes are focused on the athletes.
Time has stopped in the stadium, nothing is moving and nothing is heard.

RACE COURSE

The DARK-SKINNED RACER, male, 25, is on the course in perfect position, along with the other
professional athletes. There is no fear in his motionless, straight focused eyes, only a silent alertness,
like a lion behind a deer.

The moving REFEREE, male, 50, starts again the time in the stadium. He reaches his
position and stops there. His grey temples don't allow him to make unneeded movements or winces.
He holds his gun like he owns it, while he raises it up.

MONTAGE - INSIDE DARK-SKINNED RACER'S BODY

- The brain is activated and sends signals.
- The nerves forward them.
- The blood cells are racing through the veins.
- The heart beats heavily and faster.
- The eardrum is hit hard by a sudden and intense air oscillation after a GUNSHOT.
END MONTAGE

BACK TO RACE COURSE

In a fraction of a second, everything disappears from the dark-skinned racer's vision,
except the orange road and the white lines in front of him. Before the ECHO of the gunshot fades out,
he springs out of his position and starts running like a rocket.

The running road and lines, a messy fog all around, running STEPS and a fast BREATHING is his
whole word now. His whole body is shaking with every step and before the shaking stops, he throws
the other foot in front of him. Every muscle is moving while he tears apart the air with his indescribable speed.

It's been some seconds running like crazy. He moves slightly his eyes left and right. He sees no one.
A tired smile in his opened mouth is forming...

Ok you get the point. Describe a lot, but only what I see on screen.
I wrote it quicly, it might have stupid mistakes. Also my english are not so good.
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Old 05-13-2018, 01:01 PM   #18
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@Panos are we here to learn English or to learn how to write Hollywood-worth scripts? You needn’t be an English pro.
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Old 05-13-2018, 02:11 PM   #19
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Mistake No1: I'm never showing the referee pressing the trigger of the pistol.
It would be interesting to post the mistakes . We could all learn a lot, I'm waiting
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