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Old 06-27-2014, 10:22 PM   #1
conscius
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My SF short film.

Hi guys,

please criticize me:


pasw: sara
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Old Today   #1A
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Old 06-28-2014, 01:38 AM   #2
Will Vincent
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Overall, I really enjoyed it. Beautiful images. Nice CG throughout -- if it weren't futuristic vehicles flying around it would be (mostly) 'invisible', as it should be. The audio ambiance gives kind of an uneasy feeling which I assume is intentional. I had to put in headphones to really get the full experience.

There are a couple places the audio stumbles a little bit. A few things just sitting a little too proud in the mix compared to everything else. Also, the transition into the dream sequence after she puts the record on is a little clunky, coming back out from it is much nicer, but you've got the mans voice in there to break the fantasy so I'm not sure off hand how to improve the sound getting into the sequence but it felt a little off.

The drape, or curtain at the end of the hallway when she ventures out of the examination room felt a bit out of place to me. Like it was an afterthought to cover the light stand that's back there for backlight. It just kind of seemed like you ran out of budget and decided to live with it, when given the rest of the CG work it probably would have been pretty easy to roto her and insert a wall or something.

The shot of the exterior of the house at 10:45, the black levels don't really match so the composited city in the background just feels like a painting. it's much more convincing when they're sitting by the window playing chess.

Speaking of chess, this was the one thing that threw me, the rest I could totally live with and not give another thought. The camera crosses the line during the chess game. In the master, the black pieces are on the left in front of the man. In all of the closeups, they're on the right. So it appears as though Sara is playing the black pieces, but then again in the master at the end they're on the side away from her so it doesn't make sense for her to be playing those pieces.

There you go.. consider yourself criticized.

Seriously though, great job. Kudos to you and the entire cast/crew.
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Old 06-29-2014, 01:59 AM   #3
conscius
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Thanks for the comprehensive answer Will!!

Quote:
There are a couple places the audio stumbles a little bit. A few things just sitting a little too proud in the mix compared to everything else.
Can you maybe give me a few examples where you think the sound is too proud?
I know the mix isn't perfect yet, and I'm going to make my final mix next week. But if you already have a few examples to show my, where you don't like the mix, that would be enormous hulpful!

Quote:
The drape, or curtain at the end of the hallway
yeah . That kind of a long story.
The fact is: the grey curtain was a greenkey :p

But: 1: the greenkey was bad, 2: we could't track the shot because the walls where too smooth and we had nog tracking points.
So at the end we decided: just paint in gray. it is unfortunate yes . But i really think i needed the shot, so i didn't cut it.

Quote:
The shot of the exterior of the house at 10:45, the black levels don't really match so the composited city in the background just feels like a painting. it's much more convincing when they're sitting by the window playing chess.
Thanks, I'll look at that

Quote:
Sara is playing the black pieces, but then again in the master at the end they're on the side away from her so it doesn't make sense for her to be playing those pieces.
haha , yeah, that's a stupid mistake. You the first one who noticed it :p. I'm gonne try to fix it.


I really really appreciate your criticism Will! very useful! thanks
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Old 06-29-2014, 02:35 AM   #4
Will Vincent
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Quote:
Originally Posted by conscius View Post
Can you maybe give me a few examples where you think the sound is too proud?
The humming near the end is probably the biggest one. I'd have to watch through it again and see what else might jump out at me.

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Originally Posted by conscius View Post
yeah . That kind of a long story.
Well, at least there's a story.

Did you try planar tracking with something like mocha?
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Old 08-16-2014, 06:46 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Will Vincent View Post
The humming near the end is probably the biggest one. I'd have to watch through it again and see what else might jump out at me.


Well, at least there's a story.

Did you try planar tracking with something like mocha?
Hey, we really tried a lot of tings. But non of them where perfect. Very stupid of us for not putting some tracking points on the wall

BTW, really, thanks for your tips.
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Old 08-18-2014, 06:33 PM   #6
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visually the film looks fantastic
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Old 08-19-2014, 01:08 AM   #7
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That cool.. Great images.. I enjoy the over all concept of your short film. Well, Making a short film is the rite of passage for many new filmmakers. If you have never made a short film, now is the time...

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Old 08-23-2014, 04:01 PM   #8
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You have plenty of potential.

Sure the short was not perfect but it was good, well done.
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Old 08-29-2014, 07:56 PM   #9
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Wow this was really well done. The story was good. The visuals were good. The human side was more important than the CG so that was good that you focused on that. I thought the CG looked good. I wonder was the old guy the young dude and she was a clone of his dead wife or a sex robot. Also, was the memory implanted in her mind or did she remember him as a young man. Kinda seemed she rememeber him at the end.

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Old 08-31-2014, 03:47 AM   #10
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Hi, thank you guys!!

Wel, for me, she was based on a person he once knew. About her: She has feelings and tries to find out how it feels to love someone, to dream about someone, to be fee,... She don't has any referentions, so she uses for that the boy on the lp cover (who is not skybo). At the end, after it seems they could not format her, she escapes in her fantasy’s. It’s very human, just rearrange the truth in your own fantasy. (at the end she is just happy because she only sees what she wants to see: the boy in her fantasys. And Skybo (the old man) is happy too because she seems happy to see him.)

I don't know if this is very clear. My English is not very good.
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Old 09-01-2014, 10:36 AM   #11
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BTW, what do you guys think of the trailer?

(i'm still working on the trailer)
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Old 09-04-2014, 11:58 PM   #12
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I guess it just depends on how much of it you want to give away in the trailer. That is the issue with making them. The trailer hints at something is wrong at the end but really does not let you know much about the story. I would maybe add some of the sci fi elements in there since you really don't have much in the trailer. Maybe maybe the flying cars part. Maybe parts were the old dude is trying to get his way and she refuses or something to hint about what it is about. The trailer should almost a brief summary with just enough given away to spark interest. That is the art of making trailers to make one that gives viewer enough info to want to watch the movie without giving too much away. Maybe look at some trailers from other films and get ideas on how to make yours. On your trialer I could skip the first 20 seconds and not miss anything. I would cut that begining 20 seonds out.

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Old 09-06-2014, 01:41 AM   #13
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Wow, this was really well done! Congrats, man! However, from a story standpoint it's a bit Asimovish, which isn't to say that its a bad thing. Rather, its exploring ideas that are a bit old. I'd look into some of the more modern-day sci-fi stories because they really emphasize the partnership between man and AI rather than a complete subjugation. Speaking of which, I'd check this book out as soon as it comes out: http://www.amazon.com/Hieroglyph-Sto.../dp/0062204696

It's a collection of short stories that tries to find a nice balance between humans and technology, incorporating conflict but also using technology to both drive the conflict and resolve the issue.

Either way, I'm a sci-fi nerd so I loved the story. I really can't wait to see how your team evolves over time. Do you guys have a website?
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Old 10-11-2014, 08:37 AM   #14
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thans for the tips guys!
I going to check that book, thank you!

No, there is no website. But we have a fb page for the shortfilm:
https://www.facebook.com/iwmlshort?ref=bookmarks

Working on a new SF shortfilm right now (very different from this one. It's SF, but no futuristic SF. It's about SF characters in a realistic world)
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Old 05-24-2015, 06:19 AM   #15
conscius
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Hi guys, I've put the film back online. This time without password (for now).
I did a few technical changes to this version.

Your critic would be very helpful, please let me know what you think
(same link as first post. I re uploaded the newest version on vimeo)
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