Developing a Short Animated Film Script - Help Needed Due to Story Similarities

[Fullmetal-Animator]

I am a student of animation at Ballyfermot, Dublin and I have recently finished a collaborative short film with three other friends. Starting September I will be commencing my fifth and final year of college and will be working on an individual effort for a short animated film. During the summer I aim to develop a script and plotline for such a film under the working title 'Mochi Mochi!'

The premise involves Japanese rabbits living on the moon, who spend most of their time making mochi rice cakes through the traditional method of a pedestal and mortar. During the story, a trainee rabbit named Shiro is trying to prove his competence to his sensei Katsumoto at making mochi rice cakes through such a technique. However, while trying to use a kine (a type of hammer that’s used to pound the rice) he makes a number of Loony Toon’s style screw ups that result in Shiro losing his cool and randomly hitting things with the kine and making a mess of things. Eventually, his sensei Katsumoto brings another two pros into the workshop and they show Shiro how it’s done in a professional manner. And just before packaging the mochi the box, Katsumoto feels sorry for Shiro who is sulking in the corner and allows him to at least package the mochi himself. However, Shiro manages to make a balls up of that as well.

I started writing a draft of the script but there’s a slight problem I see with the plot. It actually sounds a little bit similar to the Pixar short ‘Lifted’, which was about a trainee alien who is being evaluated by a professional on abducting a farmer, which is very physical and was virtually a parody on driving tests. I’ve been told by several people online that I should go ahead and do it anyway since nothing is totally original under the sun. However, I’m still writing the first draft (should be done tonight) and the thought of Lifted is still nagging at me in the back of my head. So I want to ask here to see if I should take their advice and complete the first draft anyway, then see where a couple of rewrites go? Or should I go with the other option of going back to square one with the concept and make a totally different story? Any thoughts, opinions and suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

[rayw]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifted_(2006_film)

Hmm... those do look strikingly familiar.

Hmm... How to circumvent that one... Hmm...

Is your animation technique ABSOLUTELY different than from the Pixar product?

[Fullmetal-Animator]

Yes, I'm doing it in hand drawn animation so the appeal would be different, as are the setting, the types of characters and methods. The plot is still pretty similar so I need to look at alternatives story wise.

[Filman]

The personal development is the same and the antagonist has the same function. You can get away with this as long as you make their personalities different.

However your story is not as suitable for an animation as the pixar one. See it this way: Your main character screws up a tiny package when in the pixar animation, he flies, crashes a house etc. Try writing something else with big movements. Animations are at best with big movements, so use that.

[rayw]

Originally Posted by Fullmetal-Animator

However, I’m still writing the first draft (should be done tonight) and the thought of Lifted is still nagging at me in the back of my head.

I hope you got distracted and haven't gotten around to finishing, even though it is your first draft.

Your dilemma kept circling around my mind overnight and I may have found a rather simple solution.

> Katsumoto needs to be placed in a position where he is forced to make a decision near the end of the story to either be mean to Shiro or to help him.
Of course Katsumoto's going to choose the mentor path and help Shiro, but it shifts the entire focus of the entertaining story from the dumb-bunny Shiro to the same position all adults, especially parents, face.

FWIW, I'd craft a story where the ideal solution is for the two to simply switch roles; instead of trying to get dumb-bunny Shiro to perform a set of tasks he's not capable of performing, Katsumoto places him in a role in which he can perform.
"Don't put the perfect first-baseman on the pitcher's mound. Put him on first-base, dummy!" sort of thing.

Katsumoto must learn to be a better manager through making better decisions.