The first time I made a video was in 2000.
In 2016 I started writing a 'real' script for the first time, although I was writing in Word.
In the meantime I wrote a short in Final Draft, but 1) it is Dutch and 2) I'm also directing it, so if formatting isn't perfect there yet, it is no problem.
However, I'm moving this first script from Word to Final Draft and I'd like to have your opinion on formatting. (Opinions on content are welcome as well: this one is in English).
However, this are just the first few scenes. I wanted to see if I made certain errors, before continuing writing. So, you have no real context to discuss the story yet.
One thing I was wondering:
In Final Draft (CONT'D) gets added automaticly if the same persoon talks again in the same scene. Is that okay, even if things happen in between the lines, so the dialogue is not continuous (without pause)?
Anyway, thanks in advance!
BTW, I had to mimic the formatting between the code-tags. To prevent the window from become too wide put all the longer sentences below each other. (And you still have to scroll.... can't that be made more responsive or wider?)
In 2016 I started writing a 'real' script for the first time, although I was writing in Word.
In the meantime I wrote a short in Final Draft, but 1) it is Dutch and 2) I'm also directing it, so if formatting isn't perfect there yet, it is no problem.
However, I'm moving this first script from Word to Final Draft and I'd like to have your opinion on formatting. (Opinions on content are welcome as well: this one is in English).
However, this are just the first few scenes. I wanted to see if I made certain errors, before continuing writing. So, you have no real context to discuss the story yet.
One thing I was wondering:
In Final Draft (CONT'D) gets added automaticly if the same persoon talks again in the same scene. Is that okay, even if things happen in between the lines, so the dialogue is not continuous (without pause)?
Anyway, thanks in advance!
BTW, I had to mimic the formatting between the code-tags. To prevent the window from become too wide put all the longer sentences below each other. (And you still have to scroll.... can't that be made more responsive or wider?)
Code:
EXT. IN THE CITY - AFTERNOON
It’s a beautiful, warm sunny day.
PAUL (34) is walking outside with his 6 year old son, PETER.
PETER
Dad, can I take my jacket off? It’s so warm.
PAUL
Ok, but don’t tell mom, ok?
PAUL helps PETER to take off his jacket and ties it around PETER’S neck like a cape.
PAUL (CONT’D)
Don’t lose your cape, big man.
PETER
I’m a superhero now!
PETER starts running around with one arm stretched making flying WHOOSH sounds.
PAUL
Calm down. Take my hand, we’re in the middle of the big city.
You have to be carefull where you run.
What is your superpower?
PETER
I can do... everything?
Flying... become invisible...
PAUL (LAUGHS)
Everything?
Hahaha, no no, superheroes must have a specialty.
INT. COMICBOOKSTORE - AFTERNOON
PAUL and PETER are looking around. PETER is fascinated. He picks a comic from the X-MEN.
EXT. IN THE CITY - AFTERNOON
PETER
Dad, everything looks so nice when it’s sunny.
PAUL smiles. PETER points to a young WOMAN.
PETER (CONT’D)
Look dad! Can I have icecream too?
PAUL
Sure! Do you know where to get it?
The WOMAN eating icecream walks by with a smile. PAUL looks at her, a bit distracted.
PETER
I found it over there!
INT. BEDROOM - VERY EARLY MORNING
PAUL’S alarm is ringing.
He gets up and shaves his 4 day old beard.
Today is circled on the CALENDAR on the wall.
He eats his BREAKFAST on a small table with some FAMILY PICTURES on it.
A copy of ‘THE TIMEMACHINE’ is laying on the table.
PAUL seighs.
EXT. ROAD AT DAWN
PAUL is CYCING through the rain. Leaving the CITY behind him.
EXT. GREENHOUSE - EARLY MORNING
PAUL arrives at work and parks his BIKE inside the large HALL.
INT. GREENHOUSE - EARLY MORNING
PAUL is working, wearing a T-SHIRT with green stains, amidst the TOMATO PLANTS.
On his high PLATFORM he is lowering and moving the suspended tops of the growing plants.
INT. GREENHOUSE - MORNING
A bell RINGS: coffebreak.
From everywhere people emerge from between the plants to go to the CANTINA.
PAUL is still on his platform.
Suddenly SIMONE (35) appears at the end of his path with 2 mugs in her hands.
SIMONE
Paul, don’t you want to take a break?
PAUL looks up (actually he has to look down) from his thoughts.
PAUL
Huh?
SIMONE raises a large mug.
SIMONE
Don’t want coffee?
PAUL
Oh, no, I’m good.
PAUL continues working.
SIMONE opens her mouth to speak, but hesitates and walks back to the CANTINA.
INT. GREENHOUSE - NOON
PAUL walks towards the CANTINA. Everyone is working again.
He meets the BOSS (46) and nodds.
The BOSS nods back and put his hand on PAUL’s shoulder for a moment.
EXT. GRAVEYARD - AFTERNOON
PAUL puts FLOWERS on a grave.
The inscription reads:
“PETER BROENEWEG 3-5-2006 - 14-8-2012”
PAUL is crying silently.
PAUL (WHISPERS)
I’m so sorry.
A woman in black, NATASHA (33), appears next to him. She puts FLOWERS on the grave as well.
There is a long silence as they are both in tears, looking at the grave and ignoring each other.
Then NATASHA inhales vibrantly and turns to PAUL to cry on his shoulder.
PAUL just holds her as tears run on his face.
PAUL (CONT’D)
I wish...
A BABY cries in the background. NATASHA seperates herself from PAUL.
She walks away. PAUL turns to look where she is going.
NATASHA walks towards a MAN (38) with a stroller, who was waiting in the distance.
The baby stops crying when NATASHA kneels in front of the stroller.
She throws a short sad glance at PAUL before she smiles at the baby again.
Her new HUSBAND nods to PAUL.
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