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Old 08-21-2018, 04:55 PM   #31
indietalk
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sure!
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Old 08-21-2018, 04:59 PM   #32
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sure!
By the way, I’ve written a 4 page intro already but now it might change. It goes over the accident that will set things in motion. Some minor tweaks here and it’s srill usable.


https://drive.google.com/open?id=14o...a0VdFTRb_vs9zH
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Old 08-21-2018, 05:03 PM   #33
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My only other suggestion? A strong female character.

My suggestion? A madam from a larger KS town shows up because a couple of foreign girls show up wanting to work for her but she turns them down because they're under age, barely speak English, etc. and other than obscene english words, the only word they know is "help" so she takes pity on them and let's them stay the night. Next day it turns out they've robbed her and taken off but she witnesses them being taken into a police car from Harper. So she goes to Harper to get the money they stole from her from the "cops" who took the girls away.

Well, that's the backstory anyways.
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Old 08-21-2018, 05:07 PM   #34
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My only other suggestion? A strong female character.

My suggestion? A madam from a larger KS town shows up because a couple of foreign girls show up wanting to work for her but she turns them down because they're under age, barely speak English, etc. and other than obscene english words, the only word they know is "help" so she takes pity on them and let's them stay the night. Next day it turns out they've robbed her and taken off but she witnesses them being taken into a police car from Harper. So she goes to Harper to get the money they stole from her from the "cops" who took the girls away.

Well, that's the backstory anyways.
I do need to include a female character. I mean shit, the goddamn sheriff could be a woman, or a woman could run the airfield.
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Old 08-21-2018, 06:40 PM   #35
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I mean shit, the goddamn sheriff could be a woman, or a woman could run the airfield.
Definitely! And I like this set-up too.
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Old 08-21-2018, 06:59 PM   #36
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Definitely! And I like this set-up too.
Thanks. I might scrap most of it tho.
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Old 08-21-2018, 10:30 PM   #37
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Definitely! And I like this set-up too.
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Old 08-22-2018, 12:44 AM   #38
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One thing to keep in mind; everybody is into every bodies business in a small town. There aren't very many real secrets. Although they may not know the specifics, most people will know that something is going on; events/history/legend/lore passed on via rumor and hearsay.
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Old 08-22-2018, 08:25 AM   #39
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One thing to keep in mind; everybody is into every bodies business in a small town. There aren't very many real secrets. Although they may not know the specifics, most people will know that something is going on; events/history/legend/lore passed on via rumor and hearsay.
Yup, thanks for that. I will definitely include little things like that. I have a couple of friends that live in Kansas that I've been pestering about small town details.
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Old 08-27-2018, 11:56 AM   #40
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This sounds like a Jack Reacher story.

I'm a sucker for the loner, play by the rules/honesty badass that is placed in a situation he doesn't even want to be but comes out the other side taking matters into his own hands.

I would love it if Dale was driving at duck/night and he sees the young kidnapped girl - was it really a young girl? - as she rushes across the street into the woods. Was she only wearing her underwear??

He doesn't really know wtf that was about and he looks to where she ran into the woods and then he crashes into the LEO who was running after her, his pants halfway down his legs.

Now Dale, a - pick your character traits (badass ex-military, ex-LEO, reporter, etc) is forced into figuring out wtf is going in this small town.



I actually scripted a whole movie in my head on the way to/from North Carolina three years ago that deals with a loner type of guy having to face off against a French psychopath/drug kingpin nicknamed "Le Boucher" in the slums off of Paris. He mistakenly falls for a female who Le Boucher was "saving for himself" and now he's entangled in this big mess. I need time to write it down.
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Old 08-27-2018, 12:04 PM   #41
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This sounds like a Jack Reacher story.

I'm a sucker for the loner, play by the rules/honesty badass that is placed in a situation he doesn't even want to be but comes out the other side taking matters into his own hands.

I would love it if Dale was driving at duck/night and he sees the young kidnapped girl - was it really a young girl? - as she rushes across the street into the woods. Was she only wearing her underwear??

He doesn't really know wtf that was about and he looks to where she ran into the woods and then he crashes into the LEO who was running after her, his pants halfway down his legs.

Now Dale, a - pick your character traits (badass ex-military, ex-LEO, reporter, etc) is forced into figuring out wtf is going in this small town.



I actually scripted a whole movie in my head on the way to/from North Carolina three years ago that deals with a loner type of guy having to face off against a French psychopath/drug kingpin nicknamed "Le Boucher" in the slums off of Paris. He mistakenly falls for a female who Le Boucher was "saving for himself" and now he's entangled in this big mess. I need time to write it down.
Oh hell. Now I'm hoping he makes it like First Blood with a John Rambo like character and a corrupt police force. Maybe less on the "blow up the town" approach...then again, maybe not.
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Old 08-27-2018, 12:13 PM   #42
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This sounds like a Jack Reacher story.

I'm a sucker for the loner, play by the rules/honesty badass that is placed in a situation he doesn't even want to be but comes out the other side taking matters into his own hands.

I would love it if Dale was driving at duck/night and he sees the young kidnapped girl - was it really a young girl? - as she rushes across the street into the woods. Was she only wearing her underwear??

He doesn't really know wtf that was about and he looks to where she ran into the woods and then he crashes into the LEO who was running after her, his pants halfway down his legs.

Now Dale, a - pick your character traits (badass ex-military, ex-LEO, reporter, etc) is forced into figuring out wtf is going in this small town.



I actually scripted a whole movie in my head on the way to/from North Carolina three years ago that deals with a loner type of guy having to face off against a French psychopath/drug kingpin nicknamed "Le Boucher" in the slums off of Paris. He mistakenly falls for a female who Le Boucher was "saving for himself" and now he's entangled in this big mess. I need time to write it down.
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Oh hell. Now I'm hoping he makes it like First Blood with a John Rambo like character and a corrupt police force. Maybe less on the "blow up the town" approach...then again, maybe not.
I'm a sucker for the same types of movies. But I'm more attracted to the stories where the lead is the "seemingly incapable hero," as in the recent Sweet Virginia. Another small town thriller but told from the perspective of a long time resident, dealing with an unknown person entering the town.

I'm doing some of the dirty work right now on my story, and by that I mean character details and actual plot. Right now it's just a concept. I really want Dale to have some sort of ties with the smuggling happening in Harper, but not sure what. Maybe his little sister disappeared some years back, never found, etc. But that would make him a little too close to what's going on, and talk about a coincidence since he just ran down someone involved with trafficking young girls. But then again, that is a pretty logical plot.

Or, Dale stumbled upon all this and breaks the news to the Sheriff. He found evidence of something strange in the cruiser he smashed into. If that's the case, I can keep my intro.

I've decided the local airport where these traffickers refuel will be owned/operated by the sheriff's SISTER, which should prove interesting as she's well aware of what she's doing. I'm thinking she'll be paid off from these people in exchange for her supposed ignorance to what's really going on.

The final real issue is the perspective of the story. Dale is an outsider with no knowledge of anything, and him investigating what he finds in the patrol car makes no sense...unless he's already brought this to the sheriff, and the sheriff dismisses it. From that point Dale would make it his business to find out what's going on. Ultimately he would break the news to the sheriff that his own sister is responsible for letting the traffickers in and out of Harper.

Like I said, still considering different ideas, but the overall concept is there.
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Old 08-27-2018, 12:37 PM   #43
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He could investigate it on his own because there is a pending corruption case against the sheriff, but he is still in office because he claims innocence. So this whiff of corruption has him hesitant to involve the law. Since this is the town where he suspects his sister is, he would have knowledge of the corruption case, and perhaps you can introduce this by just showing a newspaper on the passenger seat of his car with a headline before the crash.
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Old 08-27-2018, 12:43 PM   #44
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He could investigate it on his own because there is a pending corruption case against the sheriff, but he is still in office because he claims innocence. So this whiff of corruption has him hesitant to involve the law. Since this is the town where he suspects his sister is, he would have knowledge of the corruption case, and perhaps you can introduce this by just showing a newspaper on the passenger seat of his car with a headline before the crash.
Ahh ok. So with this angle, Dale willingly enters the town in search for his sister. He’s heard of the traffickers using Harper as a refueling spot and wants to check it out. But sadly for him, the only law in the area is under investigation by a higher authority. Dale doesn’t want to involve other law enforcement because nothing has ever come out of official investigations.

When Dale does arrive, he is immediately disliked because for one he’s an out of towner, and two he’s asking about the sheriff who is loved by the community...since sheriffs are elected.

This would tie into the sheriffs sister running the airport. She’s been able to do so for as long as she has been due to her brother being the sheriff and “looking the other way.”

Thanks for that. I think that’s what I needed to actually write a little more. Now that does mean my intro needs to be scrapped. But oh well.
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Old 08-27-2018, 12:57 PM   #45
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Now to crack the egg on how Dale is led to that town...A cell call from her hit on a cell tower in that area? She last was travelling from one town to the other and Harper is the only town between the two and she never arrived at the other? A suitcase with her clothes in it showed up in a hangar in some small airport where the only planes that occupy that hangar or last used that hangar was from Harper?
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