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Parenthesis or Actions for dialouge

C

carlbrooks

Hello,

I am a bit stumped with a piece of dialogue I have in my short script as I don't know which is the correct format to use when somebody is talking to multiple people. Is it better to use action or parentheses? Here are both examples:

------------------------

Action:

Jane
Ok, I will call them.

Jane faces the main area.

Jane
Chris, Lisa, Peter is here to see you both.

Jane faces Peter.

Jane
Come inside and I will make you a cup of tea.

------------------------

PARENTHESIS

Jane
Ok, I will call them.
(facing main area)
Chris, Lisa, Peter is here to see you both.
(to Peter)
Come inside and I will make you a cup of tea.

------------------------

To me action looks clearer, but parenthesis saves up more space. Which one is more renowned to use for this type of situation?


Also Just remembered, for example below which is more suited:


ACTION:

John looks at the ground with teary eyes.

John
I hate this world

------------------

PARENTHESIS

John has teary eyes

John
(facing ground)
I hate this world

--------------------

If the above was a longer action sentence, there it will take up an extra line, whilst parenthesis saves a line.
 
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Action. And when his name is in the dialogue the reader visualizes what Jane does, so you write:

Jane
Chris, Lisa. Peter is here to see you both.
Come inside and I will make you a cup of tea.
 
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Filman said:
...when his name is in the dialogue the reader visualizes what Jane does, so you write:

Jane
Chris, Lisa. Peter is here to see you both.
Come inside and I will make you a cup of tea.
Click to expand...

But this now reads as though Jane is talking to Chris and Lisa, not Peter, as she addresses them by name.

In this example, you'd need to specify that Jane is directing the second line at Peter. But you would not use parenthesis to describe Jane looking to "the main area".

Here's how I'd write it:

Code: 
                 JANE
       Ok, I will call them.

Jane turns to face the main area.

                 JANE
       Chris, Lisa. Peter is here to see you.
               (to Peter)
       Come inside and I will make you a cup of tea.

You shouldn't put action into parenthesis. They should only be used if the tone in which a character speaks needs to be specified (for example, sarcastically), or if the the person being addressed changes mid-speech (for example, to Peter). In your second example, you shouldn't put the action into parenthesis; your first version is correct. You mention that if it were a longer action line, the parenthesis would save a line... The fact is, it's not a longer action line, so the parenthesis takes up more space.
 
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MadHatter's example is how it would normally be written. The parenthesis should show the change of focus. Here, from the others back to Peter. Don't put scene/prop actions into parentheses. MadHatter put the shift from Peter to the others as a separate action line.

There are infrequent uses of parentheses to express an action that occurs during a dialogue but these directly affect the delivery--(a beat), (coughs), (sighs), etc. Notice these are dialogue related and not scene actions. If the speaker picks something up or moves, it needs to be a separate action line. Like any 'rule' there are exceptions but they should be used rarely. Often there's a better way to write it that doesn't involve parentheses.
 
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