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"Private Message" - A short film, any suggestions?

More needs to go on. The flashbacks really tell the audience very little. Did this guy molest him? Kill his parents? Was he a robber? Something more needs to be added to indicate why John would want to kill Mark. Why contact John?

What you present is a snippet of an idea but not really a story. It has the potential to be developed just a bit more deeply. And since it comes across as rather predictable, I'd maybe switch it up a bit. Maybe John was the original robber who Mark found and gave a second chance. Mark is the good guy. Have John come to grips with Mark how the good deed screwed up his life. Anyway, it needs more development.
 
More needs to go on. The flashbacks really tell the audience very little. Did this guy molest him? Kill his parents? Was he a robber? Something more needs to be added to indicate why John would want to kill Mark. Why contact John?

What you present is a snippet of an idea but not really a story. It has the potential to be developed just a bit more deeply. And since it comes across as rather predictable, I'd maybe switch it up a bit. Maybe John was the original robber who Mark found and gave a second chance. Mark is the good guy. Have John come to grips with Mark how the good deed screwed up his life. Anyway, it needs more development.

All good advice and you're surely right. I'll be back tonight with an updated version. Thanks :)
 
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